My 3 Superb Days At F1

Been gone really long, or was I? Haha, doesn't matter, I had a fantastic 3 days at F1 and I just can't help but blog about it, put the memory in words, letting it stay on even as it fades in my brain. F1 Singtel Singapore Grand Prix 2008, thats where I was from 26 till 28th September. And well, I have to say, I had a great time.

Basically, I was at the Marina Bay Circuit from morning till evening, so I was given lots and lots of time to look through everything, soak in as much of the atmosphere as I wanted to. Took lots of pictures. Shopped. Spent lots of money. And of course, watch and listen to roaring engines as the race starts.

Its a really different experience, to be at the race site and to watch the race from a television screen. Theres the atmosphere of the entire area, theres the sound of the engines, the vibrations as the cars roars pass, and theres even the smell of burning rubber when cars brake at where you are. Also, lots of people, from all over the world.

All of the 3 nights, I would just find a nice spot, sit down or stand with my friends, put on my ear plugs, and watch the race. Can you imagine I did it for 3 nights? Haha, I did. And I didn't get bored of it. There were races in the afternoon as well, Aston Martins, Porches, BMW something something, but they can't compare to the F1 night races, haha.

I guess the best day was the last race day. Went shopping in the afternoon, and had to decide what merchandises I would want to buy. After alot of thinking, pondering, considering, I decided to buy this T-shirt from Ferrari with "Massa" on it. I had a hunch that Massa would win the race. I also bought some keychains for my family members, sweet huh? And I have to mention, the attendant who was helping us to get the shirts is so so so so pretty! Haha, but I didn't talk much with her, so wasted. Race started at night after all the track parade and stuff like that. I was so sad, Massa actually lost! Geez, so I went to buy a general F1 shirt after the race. :D

And the best part, I didn't spend a single cent to get to F1. Went there for work, and all I spent was for the merchandise, which really burnt a pretty big hole in my pocket. Work details not included. Hoho.

Jason Mraz - I'm Yours

I really love this song. And the music video. Gives you the feeling that we shouldn't make the simple things in life so complicated and that we can just sit back and enjoy life as it is :D

"If a certain memory brings a smile on your face with you just thinking about it, or it warms your heart and brings a certain feeling of nostalgia, perhaps there is something in you that you simply didn't want to let go of. If so, why not give the reason that you remember them a second chance?"

What are your sweetest memories?

-Adapted from a friend of mine

Discipline Of The Cross

Discipline, as defined in the dictionary, means "behavior in accord with rules of conduct; behavior and order maintained by training and control." As a sergeant in the army myself, one of the roles that I undertake is to be a disciplinarian, and this allowed me to understand very well what discipline is about. To me, discipline is when we do something that we don't want to, or don't feel like doing, in order to achieve something of the greater good, or a particular objective. For example, discipline is needed when we train hard for our IPPT. Not everyone loves to run, but we all have to keep fit, so we instill discipline by running regularly.

Being a disciple of Christ, in other word christian, requires discipline. In fact, the words discipline and disciple, are of the same family. In the old testament, discipline is of great importance. We see in Leviticus all the different rules that are required of the Israelites, and when anyone breaks a rule, they either lose their life, or get cut off from the community. Now, as we live in the Age Of Grace, many people take things for granted, and often neglect the need for discipline in our walk with God.

Discipline is in fact one of the fruit of the Spirit. Galatians 5:22 says "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7 also tells us that "God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

One of the basic discipline of being a christian, is to be on fire for the things of God. This means to be interested, in doing God's work, and not treat it as just another task that is put upon us. Revelations 3:16 says "So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth." What does being interested mean? It means you WANT to go to church, you WANT to go for church activites, you WANT to do God's work, it means you don't try to come up with excuses so you can skip church. I mean its ok if you have a legitimate reason, like you have to be at school or at work, but when the excuses become "oh, I'm so tired" or "I need to rest", theres a problem. Ask yourself, how much of your time exactly are you giving to God. Is God taking up a big part of your time? How long is a service or G12? 2 hours? Out of 24 hours that God gave us, is it too much to take 2 hours to praise Him?

Another christian discipline is to carry the burden of the cross, to deny ourself. Mark 8:34 says "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." Its never easy being a christian. This means to wake up early for church services, sitting through sermons, working to do this and that. However, thats something we need to do. Sometimes we are so tired that we don't feel like waking up to go to church. Thats when we need to reflect upon ourselves. Why are we so tired? Is it because of work? Or is it simply because we stayed up late the night before? If we know that we will not be able to wake up in time for church the next morning, then shouldn't we sleep earlier? Why is it that we can pull ourselves up from bed to go to work or school, but not to church? These rhetorical questions seems simple enough, but we need to be asking that ourselves. Going to church and falling asleep constantly through the sermon does not suffice as well. It only shows how interested we are in learning God's word.

Discipline is never a pleasant thing. It means that we have to sacrifice something in order to achieve another thing. We have to sacrifice the time we have with our friends, we have to sacrifice going to the movies, or playing our favourite computer games, but for eternal salvation, is it too much to sacrifice these things for God? And when I say sacrifice, I am not even saying abstaining from these things, we are just going for less late night movies, not playing games late into the night and stuff like that. Thats all. Is it really too much to ask for? We need to see whats beyond the discipline. The results of these sacrifices. Hebrews 12:11 says "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

Once we understand why there is the need for discipline in our christian walk, we won't find it so hard anymore. This is when we have a vision, and when we work towards the vision. Those that I mentioned are just very basic discipline, going to church, being on fire and stuff like that. In fact, there are alot of disciplines involved in being Christ's disciple. Then again, for eternal salvation, is it too much to ask for? If these disciplines are required of a member, a believer, what more of a spiritual leader? Let us take note of ourselves, and improve upon our own disciplines so that we can serve our God better and bring Him even greater glory.

Don't Call The Wrong Number

Another funny ad. Make sure you dial the right number before saying anything.

Issues With Leadership

Recently, I had certain issues with some leadership in the church and I can say it wasn't a very good thing. Due to some reasons, I felt that certain leaders weren't up to the mark and that it doesn't seem to make sense to do so much for them. But I prayed about it, and I learnt alot from this encounter. So I am just sharing what I learnt.

Not everybody is perfect. Everyone has their issues, and everyone has their problems. Same goes with leaders. We can't expect them to be always that shining light that they were supposed to be. People fall and pick themselves up. We can't fault them for that. I am not perfect myself. Even Moses had the help of Aaron to cover for his imperfection of speech. There are just times when things are just in the low for people, and we should be helping them to pick up, and not bring them down. There are times when even those in leadership needs a helping hand, when they need someone to support them. Exodus 17:12 "When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up - one on one side, one on the other - so that his hands remained steady till sunset." This way, the Israelites won the war against the Amalekites.

We should never doubt the anointed. That is really important. No matter how bad they have performed, or how they failed in certain things, we should never have doubts about the anointed, or even worse, to oppose them. These people are chosen by God, and they are chosen for a reason. To doubt them would be to doubt God. We see in 1 Samuel 24, that Saul was pursuing David and even had the intentions of taking David's life. However, even when Saul was so obviously falling, and even when David had the opportunity to take Saul's life, he never did. Thats because he respected the anointed, he respected those that God chose, and thats why he spared Saul's life again and again. In the end, we saw that David was greatly blessed by the Lord when he became king of Israel.

Opposing the anointed has serious consequences. Like what I said earlier, opposing those chosen by God is in fact opposing God Himself. God chose His servants, and they are on His side. By opposing them, we are in fact going on the opposite side, needless to say, not being on God's side is pretty much very serious. We see in Numbers 12 that Miriam and Aaron opposed Moses "because of his Cushite wife." In fact, what they did was that they found fault with Moses. What happened next was quite expected. In Numbers 12:9, it says "The anger of the Lord burned against them, and he left them." In the end, Miriam was stricken with leprosy and was confined outside the Israelite camp for seven days. It is indeed no joke to oppose the anointed.

Therefore, it is very important for us to respect the authority that leaders have. If we see any problems with the leadership, it is not our role to oppose them, or to rebuke them. It is in fact our job to support them, to help them in any way we can, to top up whatever that is of shortfall. But before we even look into the imperfections of other people, leaders and members alike, let us examine ourselves, and correct ourselves first. Luke 6:41, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

The Hot Water Bottle

Well, this is actually a true story by Helen Roseveare, a doctor missionary from England to Zaire, Africa during the 1950s. Very nice story about God's faithfulness.

One night, in Central Africa, I had worked hard to help a mother in the labor ward; but in spite of all that we could do, she died leaving us with a tiny, premature baby and a crying, two-year-old daughter.

We would have difficulty keeping the baby alive. We had no incubator. We had no electricity to run an incubator, and no special feeding facilities. Although we lived on the equator, nights were often chilly with treacherous drafts.

A student-midwife went for the box we had for such babies and for the cotton wool that the baby would be wrapped in. Another went to stoke up the fire and fill a hot water bottle. She came back shortly, in distress, to tell me that in filling the bottle, it had burst. Rubber perishes easily in tropical climates. "...and it is our last hot water bottle!" she exclaimed. As in the West, it is no good crying over spilled milk; so, in Central Africa it might be considered no good crying over a burst water bottle. They do not grow on trees, and there are no drugstores down forest pathways. All right," I said, "Put the baby as near the fire as you safely can; sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts. Your job is to keep the baby warm."

The following noon, as I did most days, I went to have prayers with many of the orphanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told them about the tiny baby. I explained our problem about keeping the baby warm enough, mentioning the hot water bottle. The baby could so easily die if it got chilled. I also told them about the two-year-old sister, crying because her mother had died. During the prayer time, one ten-year-old girl, Ruth, prayed with the usual blunt consciousness of our African children. "Please, God," she prayed, "send us a water bottle. It'll be no good tomorrow, God, the baby'll be dead; so, please send it this afternoon." While I gasped inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added by way of corollary, " ...And while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the little girl so she'll know You really love her?" As often with children's prayers, I was put on the spot. Could I honestly say, "Amen?" I just did not believe that God could do this. Oh, yes, I know that He can do everything: The Bible says so, but there are limits, aren't there? The only way God could answer this particular prayer would be by sending a parcel from the homeland. I had been in Africa for almost four years at that time, and I had never, ever received a parcel from home. Anyway, if anyone did send a parcel, who would put in a hot water bottle? I lived on the equator!

Halfway through the afternoon, while I was teaching in the nurses' training school, a message was sent that there was a car at my front door. By the time that I reached home, the car had gone, but there, on the veranda, was a large twenty-two pound parcel! I felt tears pricking my eyes. I could not open the parcel alone; so, I sent for the orphanage children. Together we pulled off the string, carefully undoing each knot. We folded the paper, taking care not to tear it unduly. Excitement was mounting. Some thirty or forty pairs of eyes were focused on the large cardboard box. From the top, I lifted out brightly colored, knitted jerseys. Eyes sparkled as I gave them out. Then, there were the knitted bandages for the leprosy patients, and the children began to look a little bored. Next, came a box of mixed raisins and sultanas - - that would make a nice batch of buns for the weekend. As I put my hand in again, I felt the...could it really be? I grasped it, and pulled it out. Yes, "A brand-new rubber, hot water bottle!" I cried. I had not asked God to send it; I had not truly believed that He could. Ruth was in the front row of the children. She rushed forward, crying out, "If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly, too!" Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small, beautifully dressed dolly. Her eyes shone: She had never doubted! Looking up at me, she asked, "Can I go over with you, Mummy, and give this dolly to that little girl, so she'll know that Jesus really loves her?"

That parcel had been on the way for five whole months, packed up by my former Sunday School class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God's prompting to send a hot water bottle, even to the equator. One of the girls had put in a dolly for an African child -- five months earlier in answer to the believing prayer of a ten-year-old to bring it "That afternoon!" "And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear." Isaiah 65:24

You Can't Run, and You Can't Hide Either

If whoever is still reading this blog has been catching up with local news, they would very well know that the "Venerable Shi Ming Yi", aka "Ming Yi Fa Shi", aka "The Monk who does stunts on charity shows" or whatever you want to call him, has been charged on court for forgery, conspiracy, and misuse of funds, crimes not unlike that of TT Durai during the NKF saga.

Well, the point of this post is not about this case anyway, so if you want to know more, just grab a local newspaper or go onto our local news website. It would be interesting to note that Ming Yi's name was actually Goh Kah Heng.

Seeing this news brings about very mixed feelings in me. This monk, unlike TT Durai, just seem so sincere with his love for people. He even performed stunts on charity shows so other people will donate more money. I remember a particular episode when he was walking on tight wire between 2 buildings and he nearly fell and everybody went "AHHH", but he didn't really fall as he was wearing a safety harness and almost everyone on tv was crying, or near tears for the monk on the wire, fearing for his safety, and the number of phone donations was soaring. You would never have believed this monk was going to face charges in court, never.

Some of us are probably living the same drama. Keeping some dark secrets, having some secret sins in our life. I am not talking about forgery or conspiracy. It could be as simple having a bad attitude, or having a tongue that lies to the people around you, or whatever. We feel that if we keep mum about it, and if we put on a very fantastic lifestyle in front of our friends, put on a strong and perfect front, no one will ever know about our secrets.

However, that is exactly the problem. The more we put up a front, the more perfect we seem, the greater the fall when our front is broken. If it was any Ah Seng or Ah Beng or Ah Kow being charged for forgery and conspiracy, it wouldn't have been such a big deal. But it is former head of the Ren Ci Hospital we are talking about, and thats a different story. You see how it makes a difference?

So you see, the problem does not lie in our weakness, but in our effort to cover up these weaknesses. Nobody is created perfect. Everybody has a weakness. Everybody sins. Yes, its a problem, but hiding it is an even greater problem isn't it? Sin is like yeast, the longer we cover it, the more it will grow in us. We see in Matthew 16:6 "Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees."

If we do not hide it, that does not mean we go around lying blatantly, showing our bad attitude to everyone around us. We do not hide it, but we have to solve the problem. And the only way to solve the problem is to let God handle it. God already knows all our problems, and He surely knows the solution out of them. Jeremiah 17:9-10 says "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? "I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.""

So how do we go about it? We simply surrender. We surrender our weaknesses, our yeasts, and God will turn them into strength and cleansing. Isaiah 40:29-31 says "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, even young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not be weary, they will walk and not faint."

It may sound really hard, surrendering. That would mean we put down our pride, admit to our mistakes and weaknesses, and open ourselves to accuses and insults and probably some people might even look down on us. But if we really think about it, wouldn't hiding the truth and letting someone else find it out be worse? Thats God's kind of economy. Only when we truly admit and repent our mistakes can we grow stronger. 1 Corinthians 1:27 says "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong."

So let us surrender, and not run or hide. Theres really no point running or hiding from God who is omniscient. Though it may sound foolish, the only wise thing to do is to surrender to God, and let God change our weaknesses into strengths.

1 Corinthians 5:7 "Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast - as you really are."

About Growing OLD

I'm probably not in the best position, age, or even condition to write about this, but you don't have to be old to write about growing old anyway. Its just something thats been stuck in my mind for sometime, and when something is stuck in my mind, I will feel like writing it down. So to all respectable old folks out there, please don't start flaming me yet.

I've been thinking, what will happen when I grow old? I'm not talking about who'll be my grandchildren, or my children, or if I will have enough retirement funds. No. These things are a little beyond me at the moment. I'm just saying, what will happen when I grow old, when my body isn't what it is anymore. What will happen? What will happen, when my arm refuses to listen to my commands, when I can't get myself off the bed, when I can't walk to the nearby coffeeshop in the time I used to do? I don't have the answer.

I have not arrived yet. But I do know one thing. Time waits for no man. Every second we are growing old. My friend told me "once you reach 20 the years fly by and there's no turning back!" I didn't know where that came from, but it holds certain truth, no matter how evil it may sound to someone who just turned 20.

Theres no turning back. No one can turn back time. I watched one of the old Superman movies and I remember there was one part when Superman tried to turn back time. What he did was just fly around the Earth at ultra speeds and then making the Earth rotate backwards. In the movie, he did succeed in turning back time. But all of us know that even if anyone is capable of making the Earth rotate backwards, time won't turn back.

So rather than think about whats going to happen when I grow old, I would rather think about what I should do now, at this age and time. You see, I may never get a chance to grow old. The bible says no one knows the things of tomorrow except the Father. I might not even need to wait untill I am 70 or 80 before I start losing the function of an arm, a leg, or having a failed kidney, or liver. And I haven't even mentioned anything about death.

It is real. Our body is not invincible. At my age, at 20, my prime, I sometimes feel that my body is invincible. I can eat anything, do anything, try anything and my body won't fail me. My bones won't break, my heart won't fail. But that is very very wrong. I've seen cases of people who died at my age, who broke a bone, who lost functions of their body at my age. What if I can longer type, I can no longer write? We never know what will happen to us.

To me, everyday I wake up feeling fine, is due to the grace of God. Everyday is a gift, and the sunrise is proof of God's faithfulness to us. And because of this, my time of being fit and healthy must not go to waste. Everytime I get a chance to do something for God, everytime I get to do something meaningful, everytime I get to make people around me happier, I will have to do it. It is a duty.

Don't complain when we need to go and do a physical training, or when we need to study for a particular test, or when we need to go and help out at a certain event, or even just helping to clear up after an event. Do it, because you still have the chance and capability to do so.

Don't let our youth, strength and time go to waste doing meaningless things. Don't wait untill we no longer have to chance to do certain things then we regret it. If we need to apologise to somebody, do it. If we need to make it up for somebody coz of something we did, do it. If we need to share the gospel with a friend, do it. Don't wait untill we don't have the chance and then we start to regret it. Regret is futile, it does not bring about anything. Regret will not turn back time, it will not give us another chance. So let there not be any regret in our future. But let there be fulfillment, be joy and peace in our future, because we know we have done what we needed to do.

PS, you never know when you'll be down with brain tumor, stroke, cancer, heart failure, kidney failure, liver failure, or even amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), a disease which disables your nervous system from the control of your muscles.

James 4:13-14 "Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this and that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."

Proverbs 27:1 "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth."

Life Offers Endless Possibilities

I like this video, and maybe a little pepsi. Enjoy :D

My Entrance Into 20land

I know this is a little outdated, but I am 20. Yes, 20 and 24 days old today. And er... yes, I do feel older. You know, getting onto the 20s platform, losing the identity of the 'teen'. A friend of mine told me I can now be called a 'tween', but I felt that was just being someone who don't wish to grow out of the teen, so its alright.

Seeing the slight importance of this particular birthday, and little inspiration from some of my friends, I decided that I would organise, and hold my own birthday celebration, rather than have someone else do and wait for a surprise. And being the me that I am, I decided not to go for nice and classy places, but rather, go for the 'dig in to the good food and forget where or who you are' kind of place. Thats why for my 20th birthday, I had a dinner at Melben Seafood @ Toa Payoh, 7 days after my exact birthdate.

Details of the dinner: 5 LARGE crabs (1 in beehoon, 2 Black Pepper, 2 Cream/Butter thingy), fish, pork ribs, oatmeal prawns, sambal kangkong. 8 peeps were there. All of us were satisfied. Muahaha. Meal was about s$340+ though. o_O

After the wonderful dinner, the group trotted off to Junction 8, coz it was near, and there was an intention of catching a movie. However, upon arrival, it was decided that there shall be no movie coz all the timings were really bad. So we just walked around. Went to the arcade, played some games. It was fun, not coz of the games, but very largely coz of the company that was around me, and there being some old friends whom I have not seen for some time. Friends are really important.

Then it was chilling time. We chilled at er... KFC. Haha, there was no where better anyway. Trina and Luke decided to go shopping, which really didn't seem usual but I have no idea why I didn't suspect anything at that time. They probably went for like an 1hr, and I was getting really ZzZzZ, and then they came back. Gave me a present which was really nice, and there was also a cake. 2 LARGE candles. Hai, coming of age there, Don. And I blew out the candles, served out the cake, and thought to myself "good, no pranks of face to cake smashing". But I was wrong, just as I digged into my own cake, a hand came out of nowhere and there it was, cake to face smashing.

After that we all just went on our way home. It was a splendid night though. And I went home to find out I have more new shirts to wear and a new bible to read. Really wonderful.

God Of The Moon And Stars

Wonderful clip. For those who haven't seen it before, just to share it :D

Getting A Tan

Recently, due to a trip to Sentosa with my platoon mates, I became very dark. Yes, its called a tan, I know. And what I am happy about is, thank God, I didn't get sunburnt. So that means no ugly peeling and white patches on my face or body. But my topic isn't "How To Get Tan", its about getting a tan. Its about patience.

Well, how do our skin get dark? We go to the sun, get a little bit of it, and we become dark, a little. And if we get too much of sun, we get burnt, sunburn, and thats when all the peeling comes. So how do we get tan without getting burnt? We take in the tan little by little.

Many people who go suntanning (if theres such a word) tend to stay under sun for hours. And when they are done, they look red like cooked lobsters and the next thing they know, they start peeling and all that lying under the sun goes to waste. Thats not how you get tan.

Those who look real dark, even darker than I am, are those who take in the sun bit by bit. Many are sportsman, canoeist, rock climbers, tennis players, soccer players. The reason why they are so tan, is because they take in the sun every single day, and not hours on a single day.

Thats how some things in our life works sometimes. We want something and we try to get it as quickly as possible. We just don't seem to have any patience. We, myself included, feel that if we don't get it now, its gonna be gone. Well, sometimes its true, but there are things that really need us to have lots of patience. Like, relationships.

You see, not everything is like instant noodles. Just pour in the water and you get to eat. Some things are like a tan. If you just lump all your energy into one effort and rush it, you are bound to have a disaster on your hand. But if you choose to take it slowly, going into the sun regularly and not for too long at a time, you might just get what you want.

Its gonna take awhile. But its better than getting nothing when you rush things. And if you want to get a tan, try to go into the sun a little more regularly, and not too long at a go to avoid a burn.

A Few Changes

Ah, a few changes been made to my blog.

Basically, the skin's been changed. Thats to give a fresh look to this super OLD blog. Its been like 3 and a half years! Colours changed a little. But style still sticks, thats coz being the html idiot that I am, I have to use the skins provided by Blogger, haha.

And I added this tagboard onto the blog, for anyone who feels like tagging. Well, I'll say its on trial. If it doesn't work out, I guess I'll pull it off.

Also took away the music. Well, not that its not nice to have music. Its just that it can sometimes get a little irritating when you don't want it. I'm looking into options whereby you can turn it off when you don't feel like having any music. I'm still looking.

Well, so whats up with my absence from blogging in the past month? No drive, no inspiration. That sums it up. Been busy with some other things as well. Work, friends. But I guess I can't leave this blog for dead anyway. Its my only publication. Sort of.

Lets Get Inspired

Imagine hearing this speech before you go into a football game.

Mom, I Love You

I read a certain story of a mother and found the idea pretty touching. So I decided to take that, and rewrite the story with my own touch. I hope this works. Here goes:

I hated my mother. I despised her. I always wished I had another mother. I wish I had a normal mother. And not this mother who only has one eye.

Since the time I could remember things, my mother only had one eye. When I was young, I used to ask her about it, and she only tell me it was an accident that made her lose an eye. It didn't have much impact when I was still very young, but as I grew up, I began to be afraid of letting other people know that my mother only had one eye. I was afraid of letting others know about my abnormal mother.

I remember almost everyday she would ask me to look at how beautiful this world is, to appreciate its beauty, to thank God for all the colours and wonders we can see in this world. I hate it when she keeps saying that to me. To me, its almost as if she's asking me to look at this world for her because she lost an eye. Its almost as if I was the one who made her lose an eye. I never said that to her. I just kept ignoring her.

There was once when I was at primary school. I forgot to bring an assignment which I finished last night. I didn't want to call my mother to bring it for me because I was afraid all the kids at school would see her. Besides, she's got to work at this time. So I kept quiet. But then, during my break time, while I was with my friends, I saw her carrying my assignment, walking towards me. Her, with only one eye, walkng to me in front of all my friends. I was so embarrassed and frustrated. She came over to me, smiling, and said "you left your homework on the table..." Before she could finish, I ran over to her, threw her a hateful look, grabbed my homework and ran off. She embarrassed me in front of all my friends.

The next day at school, all my friends were saying, "EEEEE, your mother only has one eye!!!" I was totally embarrassed. My mother had ruined me. I wanted to bury myself somewhere and not let others know where I was. I wanted my mother to just disappear. I wanted a normal mother. After school, I went home, in tears. Mother was waiting for me at the door, smiling. I went up to her, and screamed, "IF YOU ARE ONLY OUT TO MAKE ME A LAUGHING STOCK, WHY DON'T YOU JUST DIE?!?" My mother didn't reply me. She kept silent. The smile dropped off her face. I didn't care. I was very angry. I just pushed her aside and went into my room.

Since that day, I told myself I will work very hard to get out of the house, to get away from my mother. So I studied extremely hard, got a scholarship, got into an overseas university. After graduation, I got a job, got a house, got married, had kids. I was very happy with my life. I was very comfortable. My mother wrote to me almost every week. I didn't bother to read a single one of those letter.

One day, the doorbell rang. I opened the door and there she is. My mother, with only one eye. I was stunned. Then my children came along, saw my mum and cried. They were crying, "Why does she only has one eye?". At this, I was furious. I shouted at her, "Why do have to keep coming and screw up my life?!? Why do you have to scare my children like that?! GET OUT OF HERE NOW!" My mother was a little shocked, but she just answered quietly, "Oh.. sorry..." She passed me a letter. I tore it up into 2 right in front of her. She looked at my children and me for awhile. I told her "Fugh off." She turned and walked away slowly. I didn't realise this was the first time she saw her grandchildren.

I got a call from some of my friends from my old home town to gather for some reunion. So I went. I went to the town where I used to live in. After the reunion, I decided to go back to the old house to take a look. Not at my mother, but the house, since its where I spent my childhood in. I knocked on the door and no one answered. Then the neighbour came out and saw me. She asked if I was the son. I was reluctant but I said yes anyway. It was then that she told me my mother had passed away.

Then the neighbour said, "Oh, theres this letter which she asked me to help post it to you, I forgot about it, so I might as well give it to you now." She went into the house and came out to pass me a letter. I read it. It reads:

To my dearest son,

I am so sorry for coming to your house that day and scared your children. I heard that you are coming for the reunion. I am so happy you are finally coming back here. Please come and visit me ok? I am afraid I can't even get out of my bed now so I can't find you anymore.

I am so sorry for always being an embarrassment to you when you were growing up. You know, I was really happy that day to be able to see you with a happy life, a nice house, a nice family, and children! I am so happy to see your children! But you must treat your children nicely ok?

Actually, when you were just a very very small kid, you got into an accident and you lost one of your eye. I couldn't bear to look at you having to grow up with only one eye, so I asked the doctor to transfer one of my eye to you.

I am so happy for you, as you looked on cheerfully at all the beautiful creations God has made for us. I wanted you to be able to appreciate all the beautiful things that you could see. I am always very proud that you were able to see a whole new world with that eye that I gave you. That you were able to see these things in my place.

I love you.

Mother.

I shedded a tear. I touched my eyes. I could feel my mother in me. I could feel my mother's love in me. This love has been with me all my life. It helped me see things clearly. It helped me to lead a normal life. I shedded a tear.

Mom, I love you.

SICK

Argh, I am feeling ooooooooh so terrible at this moment. Flu, cough, headache and a not so good stomach! I mean, I totally don't feel good at all.

It all started last week. I was already feeling abit weak, but not entirely sick yet. Well, I just held on, staying healthy, praying and preparing myself for the blood donation. You CANNOT fall sick before blood donation. NO NO.

Last week was bad stomach. Due to an overdose of milk. Kinda drank milk like crazy for the past few weeks, and for no apparent reason. It was not as if I wanted to grow taller or what. I just felt like drinking milk. And then thats all. Was alright all the way till blood donation on Saturday.

I successfully donated my blood and was pretty happy about it. Then things started to happen. I went to watch Cloverfield that night with some secondary school friends. And all the camera shaking and movement gave me a big headache. Then on Sunday, my nose was starting to give me problems. And on Sunday night, I went back to camp to do some work, and my whole body was like totally giving up on me. Head felt like it was more than a ton, I couldn't stand properly. And worse still, had to work all the way untill like around 1am. Was so tired.

So Monday morning, woke up to go study. Felt totally crap. My nose turned into an open tap. I had to use alot of tissue paper. Actually, its not really an open tap. More like a choked tap. Nose kept on getting stuck, couldn't breathe properly. Came back home and was coughing like mad.

And then here I am. Feeling totally like crap. And I didn't mention, stupid leg of mine is having these blisters which I don't even know where it came from. Hurts whenever I walk. Sigh, really pray that God will heal me.

1st Post Of 2008, after 21 days...

Hm, seems like a pretty long time since I updated this little page of mine. Not like anyone is looking forward to an update or even reads this page constantly for something new (to those who actually do, you have my greatest appreciation, you people drive me!) Ok, so I guess I'll just do a post about what happened to me in this year so far. Well, these 21 days...

Basically, work. Lots of work. Had my different duties and all the other side jobs piled on me even when the year just started. Got made to rush back to camp once for an emergency that actually appeared on papers! (I shan't give any details in fear of something called Military Security Department, oops, did I say too much?) And of coz, alot of my personal issues with friends and people relations.

I don't know what people mean by 'a good start to a year'. Do you have to go on a holiday and relax in some unknown corner of the world to have a good start? Or would just doing your normal everyday work at the start of the year count as well? But well, for me, any start of the year is a good start. At least the old year's gone and theres something new to coming up.

Ok, a few things. My G12 (which is a cell group of some sort), CCK3, got certified last year. We got some T-shirts and some vouchers. Well, anything works. And then, I made a resolution of not getting *&#$% more than 100 times in this year by my superiors, which I have a very bad feeling I am not going to fulfill. I am also being very encouraged by my superiors who keeps on insisting that I must go and learn driving before I ORD from the army. Ok, I guess I will have to get my lazy bum up and put more effort into that. And, I also made plans to change my outlook and fashion sense, with the help of a few friends, get some new shirts and jeans for myself. I don't mind putting some money into it.

Ok, paragraph got too long. I am also embarking on a very secret mission which only a few of my friends know (and no, its not military related), and I am sincerely praying this mission will be a success. And, and I am pulling up my socks and putting in more effort to reading. This is in preparation for university which will be happening next year. Been slacking a pretty bit on my fitness, so I guess I will have to be bucking up on that as well.

Well, I guess thats about it. I have been on course since last wednesday and will be untill this friday. Kinda like a break from all the work in camp. All I do is just go and study at the course, learning some law crap and security stuff. And I get to stay at home and sleep as well! And of course, no more rushing back to Changi in the night to book in. I can find some friends and hang out with them at night. Pretty cool. Yeah... yeah...

A New Year Speech

Oh, its my turn to speak already? Ok ok... *Stands up, go onto the stage, grabs mic, clears throat* Ahem. Hello everybody, happy new year to all of you!

Bill Vaughan said, "An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves." Its been another year, its been another 365 days. And I must say, its been quite an exciting year for me. Fulfilling. New work environment, new friends, new responsibilities, new problems, new insights and many other new things.

2007 has been a great year. I felt that I learned alot of things in this year. I felt that I actually grew up this year. Many things happened in 2007. I graduated from junior college, was enlisted into national service, opened my eyes to many things that I have not seen before.

Lets just say the highlight of 2007 is my enlistment into the army. Thats at the beginning of the year. I must say, I was pretty apprehensive when I had to pack my bags and go live on this island in the northeast for the first time. But thank God He helped me through all the training on Tekong, then was with me when I was in SISPEC, gave me strength when I was training as an engineer, and finally, blessed me with a wonderful unit that I am currently in. I can say that I am in a great unit. I have never dreamt that I would be in a unit like this, a pretty relaxed place and at the same time, pay is pretty satisfying :D And best of all, my jobscope gives me the opportunity to go different places that I never thought of going before! It is truly a satisfying and fulfilling job. Furthermore, I also have alot of freedom, being able to go out every night, being able to go to church and cell group as well! It is truly God's blessing for me.

And of coz, thank God for my A'lvl results and for giving me the grace of being eligible for studying in a university. I tell you, it is truly God's grace that I can be enrolled in a university with a result like mine! Even more, who would have thought that I could get A1 for GP! Haha, and its all because of this A1 that NTU actually considered my application! This is truly God's blessing, grace, and miracle.

Wisdom was added into me in small amounts this year. I became more capable of making wiser and firm decisions and was also able to discern people better. All these will have to come from God. Many say that one would drift away from God when he is in the army, but only the opposite happened for me. In fact, I became closer to God than when I used to be. In the tough training and lonely moments while in camp, I began to realise that God is with me wherever I am. He's always there to support me and help me when I need Him. He's there even in the toughest, desperate and most desolate situations. I could really feel His presence and assurance.

New friendships were also found in 2007. In particular, 2 very wonderful brothers of mine. Linton and Jeff brought about a new channel of things that mature people could do together. Just 3 men. Enjoying good food, going for late night movies, just having simple dinner together, and most importantly, talking about almost everything under the sun. We don't really need to do anything extraordinary. We just need good food (in particular, roasted duck drumstick) and we can just sit around and talk. Pretty interesting.

My time in 2007 has also somehow put me into a certain focus on what I really want to achieve in my life. On what kind of people I want to be with, on who I really should hang out with, on what I should do with the time and money in my hand. I feel that I now have a target I can keep pushing on to, something I can trust God for, something God promised.

I also learned and experienced what is called financial independence. Having an income of my own, it has become my own responsibility to spend within my means. And its not just about save save save. Its actually alot more about knowing what exactly I want to spend on. Knowing when is the time to treat myself to something nice, and when it is not wise to spend on something I don't need at the moment. All these takes experience and frankly, I am still trying very hard to master it.

I don't know what 2008 holds for me. Somethings I do know are, 2008 will be the year I will ORD from army. In exact date, that will be 11th November 2008. Yes. Thats when I will leave the service of the Singapore Armed Forces. And I do know that its going to be another trying year. Its not going to be any easier than what this year has thrown in my face. But its ok. Without doubts and difficulties, how can faith exist? Faith is born out of doubt. Sounds like a paradox, but its actually very true. I trust God that He will pull me through another year, like how He had done for the past 19 years. If in any case He decides not to pull me throught, then maybe He will pull me UP to be with Him. :D

I pray that 2008 will be another great and exciting year, with many new things for me to learn. I pray that new friendships will be birthed and old friendships grow, and expired friendships be renewed. I pray that at the end of 2008 and at the start of 2009, I will be even wiser, be even more matured, more sensitive, and be a better man than I am today.

Thank you. Happy New Year, Happy 2008. Happy two thousand and eight.

Reliving The Picture: The Last Lunch @ PJC

Ok, a description of the picture. Thats me on the left and thats LiuZhen on the right. We are not a couple, she is my classmate and we just happened to have lunch together on the day this picture was taken. She's holding a metal spoon to show she had lunch too and I am holding my plastic utensils which I just took my lunch with.

The last day of my days as a PJC student was the last day of my A'level exams Thats, English Literature Paper 5 (refer to my previous post). Well, look at us being so happy, isn't it obvious that the A'levels are over. Haha, seriously, it was like throwing off 2 900kg dumb bells off your shoulder.

I remember what I had for lunch. The plastic utensils only come from the muslim rice store. Yep, I ate muslim food. In fact, muslim rice is prob the only good food in PJC with lots of people queuing for it during lunch breaks. Second to it would be the Chicken Rice store.

I would usually like to have either fried fish or chicken, with a sausage, and some veggie, then have curry on my rice (explains why theres still curry on the plate). They would cost me about around $2. Yep. $2. IF my memory still serves me well that is. And its pretty filling.

The last day of A'levels was fantastic. Everybody was very excited about finishing the exams. And that was why this picture and many other pictures was taken. I had so much plans in me and the thought about not having to stress over exams was simply superb.

And then I was enlisted into army and found out that stress still existed in this world, and also discovered that I would be facing English Literature again in university in 2009. Life is just like a roller coaster, it brings you through a journey of excitement and scares and when you thought it is all over, you are back to where you were before. Some philosophy for you. :P

Oh yeah, to Anonymous, the song in the background is called "Majesty, Here I Am" by Delirious. And thanks for letting me know who you are.