Victory Through Defeat

2 days ago was Good Friday, and today is Easter Sunday. Both are special days, but how special? To the world, Good Friday is a public holiday that everyone can enjoy and well, Easter Sunday has got something to do with eggs and I don't even know why. But surely there is something more special and important that makes these 2 days SPECIAL.

Surely everyone knows what a cross is. The "+". It is a symbol of christianity. On the maps, "+" would mean a church. Christians wear it on their necks, put it on their walls, on their doors or anywhere. But the cross is surely more than just a symbol. It is something that represents victory through defeat.

In the Roman times, that is when Jesus was still walking around on Earth, the cross is known to be one of the most cruel methods to punish a criminal who commited worst crime you can ever think of. Its method of punishment is to hang the criminal on the cross for hours, sometimes lasting more than a day, letting the criminal wreathe in pain and moan as his blood continues to flow out of his body due to all the wounds inflicted upon him. It is a very slow and painful death.

Our Lord Jesus Christ was hanged there, supposedly on Good Friday. Some people ask, why is it called Good Friday? Our Lord was punished and put to the death on this day and you still have the cheek to call it "good"? No no no, I can call it good coz the reason He died was for everyone, so that He can die for our sins, so He can take all of our sins and put it on the cross with Him. Thats why I call it good, but thats not over yet.

When Jesus died on the cross, it appeared to be a total defeat. The Son of God who was supposed to come to Earth and save the world has just been put to death. All the years Jesus spent on Earth seemed to be a joke because the Son Of God just died. The devil must have been thinking to himself, "I finally got rid of this guy, now the world is mine!" The disciples were also greatly discouraged, many of them turn back and went back to fishing, thinking that this was going to be end of the story. Christianity looked to have been killed then and there.

And what happened later on didn't really help either. If Jesus would have suddenly awoken on the cross and flew off with wings, it would definitely have caused a super big uproar and everyone would be in awe and all that. No, it didn't happen. Jesus's body lie motionless on the cross, and subsequently transported into a tomb donated by a kind man. Jesus remained dead. Many of us wonder why is there this one day gap between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. Why? It was the day Jesus remained dead.

Sometimes, we face trouble and when we cry out to God, theres no answer. God seems to be in silence. We remain in this state of problems and we just cannot seem to get out of the situation. It seemed like a total defeat had just fallen upon our life, as if we are going to remain defeated, like how Jesus lay dead. But no, God didn't plan our life to be in defeat forever, He wants us to be victorious! So 1 day later, Jesus arose, well and alive.

Thats Easter Sunday. Jesus resurrected from the dead and rose into the sky. His body could not be found and He has defeated death in the face. A total victory was won on that very day as Jesus picked Himself up and walked again. On that day, the devil could only eat defeat, complete defeat. All the souls had been set free from the chains of the devil, from the curse of sin because Jesus has taken all the sins, died on the cross, and rose up again. That is brilliance of Easter.

So like how Jesus arose and won victory despite seeming to have been defeated, we can do the same as well. Even when our problems seem to drag and even when God seems to be keeping His hands behind Him, we must still look towards Him for help. Why? Faith. Only through this can our faith be tested and our patience be tried. Jesus wasn't resurrected in a day. When we manage to last through this one day of death, we will surely experience victory.

One of my friend once told me, "In those times, against a glaring face of a negative reality, true faith arises, appropriates courage and locks into the integrity of God's promise. For this reason, God will allow us to go through times where we need to trust Him in spite of how things appear." Quite alot to digest there but I feel its really good.

John 19:28-30 "Later, knowing that all was now completed, and so that the Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, "I am thirsty." A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus' lips. When he had received the drink, Jesus said "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit."

John 20:19-20 "On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord.

10 days of "leave"

Well, I passed out from BMT on the 13th March 2007, and now its 25th March 2007! Hehe. What had I been doing for the past 12 days? Lol, I had my block leave which can be easily translated into a holiday for me, except that army calls it block leave. Haha.

One thing which I did alot was to contribute to my region event. During my leave, I did alot alot of filming for the event. Haha, I took on many roles as well! Professor, passer-by, Ah Long, SARS victim, friend of main lead and I don't know what else. So how do they differentiate the different me's' in the video? Well, some roles I wore a cap, some I wore shirt, some no cap, some polo-tshirt, some jeans, some shorts. Thats how alot of Meng Hui's' were created. Haha.

Well, I did alot of catching up with some my friends whom I have not met for a really long time. Particularly my secondary school friends. So I used some days to go for buffet with them, then watch movie. And I also played soccer with my friends from junior college and made new jerseys as well. Well, just some things I don't get to do when I am trapped in a protected area every weekday.

I also managed to go G12 after a really really long time! Ha, nothing's changed yet, except for the fact that Derrick can be back with us for good. I am also no longer the songleading coordinator anymore. Ha. Food's still good and the fellowship is still better. :D

Well, of course I spent alot of time playing game! I have not had so much time with my computer for the past 9 weeks and of course I must spend time with the little old CPU of mine. Haha. Played almost every single game I could get my hands on: FIFA, football manager, Red Alert 2, Everquest, Audition, Ultima Online, Warcraft3, Need For Speed:Underground... just some to mention. Woh, satisfied.

And of course, I spent alot of time praying and sorting out my thoughts. My heart has been deeply troubled for the past few months. I always thought she was just playing with my feelings and messing around. And that was where all the troubles and bitterness came from. But after thoughts and prayers, I finally managed to solve everything. Its like putting a rock off my shoulder and being able to jump again. The bitterness was all gone.

It was not her fault at all. She wasn't playing with me. It was just me getting slapped by God. It isn't the 1st time I went through this. God has specifically told me His plans but I just chose to ignore it. Well, this was just what I got. God sometimes have to slap me a couple of times to wake me up to His will. And it ain't easy. It wasn't any of our fault. Everyone of us is born imperfect, just that this time, I couldn't accept her flaws and she couldn't accept mine. Nobody was playing with nobody. It just didn't work out coz it was not the plan. So its just this way, and I just have to pick myself up and continue on my way like how I used to before.

And thats how my block leave ended. It ends with me being posted to SISPEC. To be trained as a sergeant, an infantry leader. Nothing really great. I wanted to go to OCS but theres really no choice when it comes to posting. So tomorrow I'll be gone, back to dressing up like a piece of grass again.

A'Levels are OUT!

Haha, I got my A'Level results last Friday but didn't have the time to post it. So here goes!

English Literature: C

Geography: E

Economics: A

General Paper: A1

Not really fantastic but I hope it can allow me to enter university. Applied for Communication Studies in NTU, praying that my GP A1 can make them consider me!!! Looking through other uni courses right now. Heh, gonna be applying for all 3 universities :P

My Reflections In BMT

I am about to pass out from Basic Military Training(BMT), and I was told by my commander to write a reflection on my experience in BMT. Well, I wrote one, so I thought I might as well post it on my blog as well so I can remember it. Heh. So here goes:

When I was first enlisted on 12th January 2007, I told myself “I had better not waste my 9 weeks here.” And I am more than proud to say that I had not waste my 9 weeks on Pulau Tekong. My experience in BMT was truly meaningful and memorable.

As I look back at the Meng Hui 9 weeks ago, I can see a marked difference with the me now. Not only have I grown fitter physically, I have also matured to be a more patient and confident person.

Physically, I have become much fitter. I remember when I took the IPPT CAT test on the 2nd week of enlistment, I failed the test due to my SBJ. I also could do only 7 chin-ups and my 2.4km timing was 11.39. As I went through training, I could feel myself getting fitter and being able to do better for my IPPT. During my IPPT diagnostic in the middle of BMT, I could achieve a “PASS”. Finally, when the real IPPT came, I managed to achieve a “SILVER”, and only due to my 2.4km timing which had been improved to 10.45. I could also do 12 chin-ups and my SBJ jump was 234cm which earned me 4 points, allowing me for a chance to get gold. This improvement in my physical fitness is something which I am really happy about.

I have also become a more patient person. In the past, I can’t stand waiting for things to happen. I didn’t like to just sit around and wait. But when I came to Tekong, there was a lot of waiting to be done. Almost every now and then I will have to wait. Just sit down and wait for instructions, for the instructors to come, to go back to bunk, to send arms etc etc. Eventually, I became more patient. Patience played a big role in my time in BMT as it helped me to not lose my temper against my fellow recruits who seemed to be weaker and was slowing down the group during training such as route marches. Because of this patience, I was also able to play a role in helping to encourage my friends to press on to the end. I am glad I have been moulded this way in BMT.

I have also grown to be more confident. Some things which I thought I couldn’t do had been accomplished by me. I remember at the start of BMT, I thought a 24km route march was crazy as I could hardly do half of that. Eventually, I made it, and I find it a great accomplishment. I am more confident of myself that I can achieve things that I thought I couldn’t. And that theres really no end to pushing the limit.

Friends have played a very important role for me in BMT. I am very very happy to have known the buddies in my section, platoon and company. From not knowing each other at the start to pushing each other on at the end, we have gone through a lot. No one can survive in the army on his own, and I have learned that very well. Helping each other out during difficult times is a very important factor for surviving in BMT.

And lastly, I feel proud that I learned military skills in BMT. It is truly something that can be learned only in the army. I feel happy that I can at least call myself a soldier, and no longer a blur boy marching around in a military camp.

Surely, it is not what we leave behind that matters, it is what we gain in the time ahead. I am glad I have not wasted my 9 weeks on Pulau Tekong.

Ang Meng Hui
10th March 2007

6 Days In The Jungle

I spent the past week in the jungle. Yup. A place with lots of trees, and trees. No infrastructure, no toilets, no lights, no fans, no beds. Just you and nature. Its called "Field Camp" in the army. Which really means to stay in the jungle and see how it is like.

My field camp started on Sunday. 11/02/07. Packed my fieldpack the night before so we started gathering at about 7am. Had a very very tiring 8km route march to our designated camp site in the forest. Apparently we took like 2 rounds so the instructors could make us walk for 8km, horrible. After walking for 8km in under 2 hours, we finally reach the site. By then, we were super super tired. But no break for us. Immediately we are instructed to set up our "bashas", or also known as tentage. That was crazy. I could hardly concentrate on what I was doing. After building our tents, our instructors told us that we were too slow! So we had to tear down the tents and build again! So we did, and again we were too slow! So we teared down and build again. Wah, by then I was already totally tired out. Then we were told to build drainage around our tents, which requires us to build little drains around the place. Wah, at that point of time, I nearly fainted. Thank God I managed to pull through, and after that, finally had a lunch break. Had our field lessons after that then slept in the tent when the sky turned dark. Tiring start to the camp.

12/02/07. Monday. Woke up to find myself very very cold. Its still dark at 6am. I wore my boots and took my rifle and went to the bushes to do my business, brush my teeth and stuff. I need to get use to nature. Then went for 2km run and after that was field lessons again. Learning quite alot from these lessons about tactics and how to engage enemy. Lessons all the way untill night. Then had night walk. Night walk was cool. My instructor brought us around the jungle in the dark. No torches to be used. We spent the time to get our confidence in the dark built up. Then we sat down at a bridge and looked at stars. Wah, the stars were really beautiful. Can see many of them, alot more than when I saw in Singapore. Then we walked back to camp and we rested for the night.

13/02/07. Tuesday. Once again I woke up in a very cold state. Somehow the forest becomes very very cold at night. Did my usual morning business, went for another 2km run and was told to tear down our tents and pack up our bags. Apparently, my commander told us that "enemies" has been spotted trying to enter through the reclaimed land and we are to move over to set up defence. Ya right, great story. Well, we had field lessons again and after that, walked to the other site where our defence was supposed to be. Reclaimed land. Another 8km walk. Instructors made us walk 2 rounds again so we will walk 8km. So horrible! Ok, reached the reclaimed land and many of my friends were going to faint already. But it was alright. Because we reached near evening. So we were allowed to rest for the rest of the night. Great. I threw a groundsheet on the floor and just slept on it. Lots of mosquitoes. They were just buzzing around me. But I just slept, really really tired.

14/02/07. Wednesday. Valentine's Day. What am I doing in the forest with 200 men on Valentine's Day?!?! Crap. I woke up and felt really stupid. I miss her. Seriously. Woke up at 6.30am and was supposed to be on high alert untill 7am. To defend the site. Ok, so we just prone on the floor and be on alert with our rifle untill 7am. After that had breakfast. Then learnt how to build shellscrape. Shellscrape is a hole in the ground which is quite deep and as long as our body. Basically its like a grave. Meant to protect us from enemy fire. Then I started building my shellscrape. Dig and dig and dig. Wah, super tiring. Just kept on digging and digging. Dug for a good 3 hours then finally managed to complete it. By then I was really tired already. We had the rest of the day free. Had our lunch and all. Then I had an idea. Heh. I took a piece of wood and did a little woodcraft. Shave the wood, carve the wood. After that night came and I can't see anymore, so I paused my work and slept for the night. Slept in the hole I dug.

15/02/07. Thursday. Woke up to find myself even colder than ever before! Wah, I wonder whats going on. Nvm, we woke up and went on alert again, but this time untill 7.15am. After that had breakfast and went for a briefing by my commander. This time, he says that enemy has been spotted in the vicinity and we are supposed to patrol the are and engage the enemy when we find them. Ok, he's a great story teller. We were just supposed to go for "Group Battle Course". So for the whole day, groups after groups went out on patrol. My group was second to go so we went off really early. We engaged 3 enemies and fought them using the tactics we learnt. After that, my group just slack for the rest of the day while other groups go patrolling. I continued with my woodcraft. Ha, then I cut my finger. Sian, blood was flowing from my finger like crazy. Drip drip drip all over the place. I tried to first aid myself but still bleeding. So no choice had to go to the medic to get bandaged. After bandage, went back to my shellscrape and continue my wood carving, heh, but more careful la. After a whole day, my commander had another briefing and told us the enemy has been wiped out. Haha, yeah. Then he tells us some of the last few remaining enemies has been found concentrated at a site not far from us. Great, which means we needed to walk there again. Tomorrow. So we rested for the night and waited for tomorrow, our last day in camp.

16/02/07. Friday. Final day of field camp. Woke up and went on alert again. Then we covered up the hole we dug, picked up our bags and walked to the final site where last remaining "enemies" were supposed to be. Ok, its actually just the "Battle Inoculation Course". But my commander like to make things sound interesting. So we reached the site and was sent groups by groups into the site. My group was 2nd. So we entered the site and was supposed to crawl from one end to another. Why? Because theres a machine gun firing over our head. And there are thunderflashes which sounds like grenades booming around us. Made me feel so kanchiong. Haha. Then I crawl crawl and realised that the woodcraft which I made had dropped from my pocket! Crap. I don't care and just crawled back to look for it. Haha, I actually found it! Woo, thank God. Or else my efforts all wasted. After crawling finish, I was super tired already, and my body is full of sand. But I was happy. Because the camp is finally over! Went back to my bag, sat around then went back to my bunk in a tonner, which is a truck of sorts.

Ha, then spent the rest of the day cleaning my rifle. Clean clean clean. And realised that we didn't have much time left. We were going to be late for the ship to book out!! So my platoon quickly went to clean ourselves up, went for dinner, and quickly packed our bags. Rush rush. Thank God we made it in time. But I forgot to bring alot of things. Haha, like my specs, my spare batteries etc etc. Took the ship and went back. Wah, relief. Heh, and I went to church to catch "Vanity". Only got the ending. But nvm, at least I was there.

Went for supper with my friends after that. Many things have changed. And my heart was broken.

After A Long 'Break'

Wonder where i had gone to for such a long time? Haha, for all those who know, yep, I have been on Pulau Tekong. Doing what? National Service! Yes yes, I am botak and am officially known as National Serviceman Full-Time. And I can only spend my life on the mainland during weekends. Yes, it sounds pathetic. It is.

It has been 3 weeks since I was first enlisted on 12th January 2007. 2 weeks confinement and this is second time I booked out of camp. 3 weeks in the army has changed me quite abit. Being a soldier is really quite a life-changing experience. Put it simply, I get to do things I have never done before in my entire life. Just some examples:

• Holding and being responsible for a rifle that can kill someone
• Sitting inside a 5-tonner and rolling down a street
• Living on an island away from home for 2 weeks
• Bathing without doors

Well, getting used to army life already. It seems normal to march here and there, getting shouted at, running around like crazy, doing lots of pumping, lots of exercise, queue up for 10 minutes for lunch etc etc. In fact, it was pretty easy for me physically. Doing all the push ups and stuff. The hard part was the emotional part. Not being able to see my friends, my family. Can't spend enough time with the people you treasure. The only source of communication you have with the outside world is just that pathetic handphone of yours. Or maybe the payphone.

And when you come back from your 1st bookout, some things changed. Some friends have forgotten about you. Some people you treasured have left your side. Only a handful are left to support you, glad to see you well and fine. Glad to see you are back in the gang again.

Relationships have strained. Some of the relationships can't stand the test. Some can. Some friends stood by my side. Some friends strayed off from me. Perhaps this was the real test to help me know who are the people that matter most to me, and those that I should treasure more.

One thing I learnt in NS is PATIENCE. Wait and wait and wait. Just wait for things to happen. To be honest, I was a very impatient man. Always wanting to rush into things. To get things done ASAP. But that can't always be the case. In NS, I learnt patience. That I have to wait for a certain timing for certain things to happen. For lunch, for training, for bookout. Everything. If I want to rush things and make things happen, it would jumble up the schedule. And things won't be efficient. I can wait because I know my commanders will make sure things happen accordingly.

This applies to my life as well. All along I was rushing into things. And when God promise me something, I want it done now and here. I couldn't wait. And then things just get messed up. And I fall and had to stand up and start all over again. I was just doing devotion in camp one night and God spoke to me. Why couldn't I wait? I can wait for my commanders because I trust them to fulfill the schedule. Does that mean I didn't trust God to fulfill His will? It was then I realised my impatience. That I must start to really trust God to fulfill His will in His timing in His own way. Listening and obeying every instructions from God just like what I do with my commanders because I know God only wants the best for me and He knows better. Because at the end of the day, everything is just going to be all right.

Wish Me Well For NS!

Yup, going to serve the nation this friday, 12th January 2007. Thats coming very very fast, only 4 days left. Hehe, going to miss all my friends and all the time spent with them. So... if you are my friend and is reading this, please leave a comment and write whatever you want to tell me ba. Hehe, and please write your name, anonymous commenting is really not encouraged on my blog... sorry, I don't have a tagboard so I have to do this. Haha. :P

A Happy New Year called 2007

Bill Vaughan once said "An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves" Welcome year 2007. Yes, if you have not realised, today is 2 January 2007. I like the quote alot. What happened in 2006 is already over, and now I have another 365 days in my hands to use. I have much anticipation for the new year of 2007. That is because for the 1st time in my life, I am not going to study in the year. Rather, I am going to have a great time serving Singapore in national service.

2007 brings to me many opportunities to do many things. In this year, I have the following resolutions: Become a SAF officer, Learn to ride a motorbike, Own a motorbike, Stay spiritually strong with God. 4 very simple things. I have 365 days to do these 4 things. Sounds easy? Might not be as easy as it may seem.

2006 has been a great year for me. I finally completed my formal education which had lasted for 12 years. Finished my A'levels and sigh a great relief. I met many new friends in school and in church. I learnt many things and I grew much in the Lord through my falls and learnt to depend alot on God. I have shown my friends in school the power of God and helped them in their life by praying for them. I am satisfied with my 2006. Are you? If you are then I am very glad for you. If you are not, then do not worry about it. 2006 is over. Make full use of 2007 and be sure that at the end of the year, you will be satisfied.

Want to know how I sent 2006 off? I sent it off and welcomed 2007 at orchard road. Man, its the 1st time I ever joined in a countdown party and I must say it was super squeezy. I shall not go into the details but it was really very very crowded and very chaotic, looked as though a riot was going to happen or something.

I did my best in protecting everybody that went with us but my lack of experience showed. Poor Stephanie was detached from the group and got lost at around 12am. When I found out about it from Trina, I quickly left the group and went in search for her. Eventually found her outside Paragon after trying to find out where she was through the phone. It wasn't easy. Everybody was shouting and the instructions she gave me was not very clear. Finally found her with Maverick. Thank God she was alright. So we quickly joined up with the group and continued on, making sure the same thing won't happen again.

Just hanged around at Orchard then went to spent the rest of the night at Melvin's place. My first meal of 2007 was Bak Chua Mee (Mince pork noodle) at some coffeeshop near Melvin's house. Haha. Slept at Mel's place untill dunno what time in the afternoon. Woke up to see my handphone's battery was flat. Lol. So I just off my phone lo. Turned out that my parents were trying to contact me and they got very worried. Haha. Thought I might get killed at countdown or something.

Went to eat Pasta Mania with Christine, Melvin and Joshua in the afternoon. After that I went home le. Woo, got online to play game with my cousin untill like 5am in the night. Haha, quickly slept as I was so super tired.

Woke up at 12pm by Lilin's call and she was surprised to find me asleep again! Haha, the Khongs really wake up early de ba... Was supposed to go out for today. Supposed to meet at 2.45pm but then I was too tired, so I ask if can postpone or not... Wa, then she cancel the whole thing!! Piang, made me soo guilty lo. But it turned out that there was some other reason thats why she cancel. Haha.

So I just stayed at home and played game and chatted on MSN. Had a very very important time talking today but details aside. Went to eat dinner with my dad in the night. Woohoo! My dad brought me to Jack's Place to eat! Muahaha. New Year dinner plus farewell for NS. So good. I had a medium well sirloin steak and lobster soup and ice cream! Hehe. Love it so much.

Then quickly went home. Aha, stomachache... eat too much le. Anyway, happy new year to everybody and hope everyone will have a very blessed and victorious new year!!! :) :D :P

The Importance Of Honesty, The Power Of Integrity

George Washington once said "I hope I shall possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man." I agree with him totally. To be called an honest man is a very important trait that everyone should have. It is easily "the most eviable of all titles" as being honest allows you to walk with your head up high without trying to hide anything from anybody. That is the importance of honesty. Psalms 119:1 in the NLT version of the Bible tells us "Happy are the people of integrity, who follow the law of the Lord"

Being a person of integrity is very important. When you are a person of integrity, you do not hide anything from the people around you. Sometimes it may seem to be alright to just act as if you are a great person, someone who is strong and perfect in his life. Well, it may be alright untill a test comes in your way, when a storm blows into your life. You will be put in a spot then, you will not know what to do and all your acts will just fall apart. When that happens, you will realise that it is so much better to just have integrity and accept that you have your weaknesses. When you accept your own weaknesses, God will help you to overcome these weaknesses. In such a way, it is very important to have integrity as it would also mean that you have humility to accept your own weaknesses.

Honesty is very important as it also builds trust. To be dishonest is also to be destroying the trust of the people around you. How many of us trust someone who has cheated us? I believe there is hardly anybody who would say yes to that. To lie to someone would mean to damage the trust the person have in you. You may think that it is alright to just lie to the person as he would never find out about it and it does not have much effect anyway. But think again. Our lies always catch up to us. We can never hide from our lies ever. It always comes up and catches up to us. We often just use another lie, and then another lie to cover up the previous lie. But we can never run. One day when our lie gets revealed, trusts will be damaged and we can only hide our face from our friends. None of us want that to happen.

All of us have lied before that is for sure. But we must make a concious effort to make ourselves tell the truth all the time. We must keep a check on what comes out of our mouth, on what actions we do. When was the last time you told a lie? I honestly have forgotten. But its not because I have not told a lie for a long long time. Its because I have forgotten to take check on what I say. Are you in the same situation? If so, then we have probably formed a habit of lying. Colossians 3:9~10 says "Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator" This specifically tells us to put off our old self and put on the new one. Here we can see it as taking off our old clothes and putting on a new one. It simply implies that we should put off this bad habit of ours and put on a new habit that the Lord has given unto us.

But of course it isn't as easy as it seem. Many a times we find it hard to put off these old clothes of ours as we are so used to them already. We attempt to take them off but never really take them off completely. Its like leaving one dirty sock on, or just taking our clothes off halfway. This is where God comes in. We need to ask God to help us with the changing of our self. Why? This is because this new self is "renewed in knowlege in the image of its Creator." This new self comes from God. And it is God who will help us with changing of our self and put on the new self.

Therefore I pray and encourage all of us to seek the God to put away our old self and put on the new one. That all of us can learn to be truthful and be man and woman of integrity. Being honest will truly benefit us in the long run and integrity pleases God. Let us all have the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man.

Still in Christmas Mood

Ah, just woke up from sleeping and its 28th December 2006!! Gosh, the past 4 days has been like constantly going out for me. My pocket is so dry now!! Geez, I have really spent over my budget and the week is not even over yet. I wonder how am I going to manage.

Well, I had yet another great day yesterday. Been having great days since christmas eve, haha. The christmas mood is still alive in me, muahaha. Pretty cool huh, so lets blog down the 4th great day in this Christmas Season and that is, 27th December 2006.

Its wednesday but theres no soccer as everybody was still celebrating Christmas. Soccer was postponed to Friday instead. So the day was given to Christine who asked. Haha, so rare that people would date me so I guess I just have to accept it :P

The plan of the day was to watch "Night At The Museum". Was supposed to meet at 12pm, then I postponed it to 1pm at Yishun due to a lack of sleep in the night. So I was reaching Yishun when Christine sms me say she will be late. I just took the train on to Dhoby Ghaut where we were supposed to watch the movie as there was more things to do there while waiting.

Reached Dhoby Ghaut and just walked around Plaza Singapura for around 30 mins. Walk here walk there, shop for soccer boots, watch VCD. Ah, eventually someone tapped me on my shoulders, Christine has arrived!! Haha, so we just went straight to The Cathay to buy the tickets for the movie. Time for the show was 3.10pm and it was still 2.20pm. That makes like 50 minutes time for us to kill. So we just walked around in The Cathay which was quite boring as there was very little shops in there. Eventually we decided to just rest at "Ben 'N' Jerry's Ice Cream" and have some ice cream to eat. Ice cream was really nice and the place's atmosphere was good too. Apparently there was some problem in making our waffle so the waitress was apologising to us constantly and we got water as well. When the ice cream came, she said she gave us extra ice-cream to say apologise for making us wait. Muahaha, more ice cream, i don't mind.

So ate ate ate and Christine just took pictures of the place. Haha, time was killed and its like 3.05pm already. So we packed up and went up to the cinema. Christine wanted to have hotdog and we went down again to buy the hotdog. Then went up to the cinema. Reached the theatre and the show was already starting. Found our seats and sat down to watch. Haha, its nice. The movie is nice. I like it. Christine said she will give it 5 stars. I don't know how many I will give. But I say its nice. I don't mind watching it again, which I most probably will as people are asking me already.

After the movie we went to Plaza Singapura. Turns out that Joshua was in the vicinity as well so we just went to hunt for Joshua. Kinda like a hide-and-seek. Abit like "we are going to catch you but you won't see us" kind of thing. Combed the enitre mall but could not see a sign of the cute boy. So Christine decided to call Joshua and guess what, he's in the cinema watching a movie. No wonder we can't find him!! So it can't be blamed on our tracking skills...

Well, then we just walked and walked and Christine said she wanted to get flowers. So we went to the florist and she bought 3 flowers. Her favourite Gerbras. I think thats how it is spelled. 2 was for her G12 members and 1 was for herself. So I just payed for the one she gave herself and it become I gave to her already. Haha. Thats a weird way of giving flowers. Of course I have to go through the motion of taking the flower from her hand and then giving it to her again to complete the whole ceremony of giving flower. Then she gave it back to me to hold it for her.

Then it was photo-taking session and Christine just takes alot of photos of herself and flowers and keeps on deleting them. She tells me she is having a bad hair day and is totally unsatisfied with the photos. So not many survived her deleting process. I think only a few managed to stay in her phone.

After that, met Zihao at Northpoint, followed by Luke. We are supposed to meet for dinner. After a long discussion, we decided to have dinner at some thai restaurant in Yishun which I have been to before. Luke then suggested that we go to a different place thats in Sembawang Shopping centre. So ok, we said fine and boarded the shuttle bus to Sembawang Shopping centre. Reached there Luke brought us to Giant. Crap, he then says that he was here 5 years ago and the restaurant was here. I mean like, 5 years ago?!?!?! Ah, we went in a hunt for the restaurant, hoping it moved to somewhere else in the shopping centre. It did. We found it at the top floor of the shopping centre. And its the same as the one in Yishun. -_-"

Food is the same and I ate alot of rice. 3 bowls! Wooh! I love it. Coz rice in the restaurant is free flow, I think. They don't charge us for it. Lol. Well, at least I satisfied myself :) Then went to meet Christine at SAFRA Yishun to play pool with her. I teamed up with Christine against Zihao and Luke and we beat them 5-0, or 4-0. Haha, anyway we beat them. Yeah yeah!

Then spent the night with Zihao as he camped at my place. We watched a film by Royston Tan about some gangsters in Singapore. Its quite a sad film as it shows the miserable life the gangsters go through despite seeming to be tough and all. After that we chatted and then slept at around 5am.

Well, woke up at around 2pm. Lilin called me while I was still asleep and she was shocked to find that I was sleeping untill so late. Haha. Hai, its raining again today. Actually wanted to go swimming one leh. Sian, I haven't been swimming for 1 week alr and this will be my 2nd week without swimming. Gosh. I need start going to swim soon. Rain rain please go away!! Soccer tomorrow. At least some sports. And soccer again on Saturday!! Finals against region D, must do our best...

And Happy 2nd Anniversary!!!

Yeah, its 27th December and its my blog's 2nd year in function!!! Yep yep yep, my first post was posted on 27th December 2004 and 2 years later, it is still functioning! Today is the day www.jellydrink.blogspot.com was born 2 years ago. Isn't it wonderful, I can't believe 2 years has gone by like that. This 2 years has seen me go through alot of things and also comprises of my entire JC education. Woh!! Praise God for being with me throughout these 2 years! God is really wonderful.

Well, lets talk about 26th December 2006. That is, yesterday. I went to Geralyn's house for a christmas party. Met Bright and Jing Er at Admiralty MRT and then took a bus there. First time going to her house so I have absolutely no idea how to go. Eventually reach our destination despite of the rain. Hehe, so much food was available!! There was cakes and tarts. Well, I only ate the chocolate cake. Muahaha.

Then came the real food. Wah, there was really alot. Pasta, chicken wing, bread, mutton, some mixed veggie, baked ham, and some other stuff. Really alot! Hehe, ate untill I so full la. Then we played "Taboo". Muahaha, I don't really remember the score but it was really fun. Had a great time. Then some people came into the house to sing christmas carols. Woo, we were quite shocked to suddenly see so many people coming into the house. I think there was about 20 people lo. Haha. Well, it was fun as we joined in with the singing. Great time. Hehe, very happy to know that the true meaning of Christmas was still alive even among the celebrations and the party. Turned out it was Geralyn's father who invited the church people to come and sing christmas carols. I could sing for the Lord!! So happy.

After that we continued playing "Taboo" and then switched to playing "Truth Or Dare" later on. Well, it turned out that no one really bothered about the truth so it turned into "Dare Or Dare" later on. So its like if the bottle points to you, you have no choice but to do the dare. Haha, thank God everyone was understanding and sporting at the same time, so it was really enjoyable.

Was 11.15pm when we decided to leave. Went to take bus and reached home only like 12 plus. Lol, really late. But really enjoyed myself. So meaningful. Still got plans for tomorrow!!! Muaa!!! I am such a busy man, hehe :)

Merry Merry Christmas!!

And I must say a merry merry christmas to everybody before it is too late!! Today is Christmas Day, the day my Lord Jesus Christ was born onto Earth to embark on his super mission to save everyone here!!! Yep, thats Jesus's birthday if you were wondering, so we are all going to rejoice and be merry and celebrate His birthday together!!!

Well, had a GREAT christmas day today. It was really a very meaningful and blessed christmas!! Well, woke up at 12.30pm to confirm with everybody about whats the plan and then went to meet Melvin at 2.45pm. Wah, he was super late la. So I met the Khong family first: Lilian, Lilin and Alex. Met up with them, I was eating Ramly burger and then we had a drink at Macs. Well, eventually met Melvin and Christine and zoomed to East Coast Park. Yeah yeah!! The starting of my wonderful day!

Arrived at East Coast and then rented bicycles. Took a Double-Bike with Lilin as she was not familiar with biking and had alot of fun. Its quite nice to cycle on the "lorry" rather than the normal bikes as I already have my own bike at home le. So its something different. I totally enjoyed myself. We were singing worship songs while cycling, so cool!! Wooh, fantastic. So we cycled and cycled untill like 7pm then returned the bikes. Wow, everybody must be quite tired after cycling. So I lent my shirt to Lilin and Melvin to change as their shirt were very dirty. Well, my shirt then ended up on Christine who also dirtied her shirt but had her own shirt. Lol, turned out that my shirt was too big for Lilin. Haha, am I that fat? No way!! I am only muscular. Muahaaha :P

So after that we were just in Melvin's car deciding where to go. After a long time on the road going in rounds, it was decided that we would go to Yishun as Christine wanted to go off already. So we went to Yishun to send Christine off, then Melvin said he needed to return the car to his dad so he went off as well. Haha, the survivor thing was starting again. People were getting elimated one by one!! So its back to Lilian, Lilin, Alex and me again. Hm, its always us!! Nvm, I like to be with Khongs anyway. So we took a bus to Woodlands Causeway Point as the Pizza Hut at Yishun was pathetically without any christmas atmosphere at all. Ate our christmas dinner at Causeway Point Pizza Hut and there was Christmas atmosphere :) Hehe. Had a great great great time at dinner. Good food and good company. Ate and fellowship untill about 10pm. Then we decided at go off as it was getting quite late already.

Woh! It was really very wonderful and meaningful and blessed christmas day!! I loved it so so much. Lol, some interesting things. Christine gave me a mirror with some words on it and I just put it up on my wall. The thing is I didn't know there was a glow-in-the-dark christmas tree on it so when I off the lights to sleep, haha, I was quite shocked to see something glowing. Plus I wasn't wearing my specs so it was very blur and I got quite a shock. Lol, after that I laughed at myself.

Busy Busy Busy And Packed Packed Packed Days Days Days

Finally I have some time to blog!! The past 3 days has been so packed for
me that I could not even catch a breath. Basically christmas has taken up a
whole chunk of my time and I was really very busy!! Well, thank God christmas is
finally here and everything has been settled, so AMEN!!

Well, Thursday was my secondary school chalet day. Went to meet some of my old friends at Jurong East and then headed towards pasir ris for the chalet. Reached the chalet and just crapped with everybody like how I used to in secondary school. Haha, really enjoyed myself. Was really glad to see the people there like Izhar, Xiuyi, Boon Chong, Haoyu, SweeChing, Helios, Sulaiman, Jihan, RenShing, Benjamin. And of coz people like HuanJian, SohXiong and Jinyan were also there, but they were not as missed as I have been seeing them all the while. :) Well, had a great time BBQing at the chalet and gobbling down lots of food, and also played PS2 in the chalet. Great!! Had a great time messing around with GTA: San Andreas. Well, stayed over and the next thing I know was that it was Friday morning.

So basically the whole of Thursday was spent just at the chalet. Friday came and we went to have Macs and then went to the arcade at Downtown East. Note that I do not have enough sleep as the whole night was burnt chatting with each other. After chalet, we all went home and I needed to pack my bag to prepare HOF Blue Christmas already!! Needed to help Chester out with the blue drink. So I took a very short nap at home and then rushed out to meet Chester. Went with him to get the ingredients for the blue drink and then went to church to prepare the drink. Wah, everything was in a rush. And before we know it, HOF was already starting. So I quickly changed up and went to HOF.

Had a great time at "I'll have a Blue Christmas". Some people were really dressed very well as they have rented interesting costumes from costume shops. You can see people wearing cowboy style, Victorian style, Winter style, Startrek style, Jedi Style etc etc. I must say Lilian really caught my eye with her very fanciful dress! Woh, I have not seen her so beautiful before. Really gorgeous. It was some princess dress and she really suited it. Pity she did not win the Best Dressed G12 Leader thing, I think coz she changed halfway through. Well, I just wore a blue overall which is meant to be an engineer on board a ship. But I got all sorts of comments from people who were trying to guess what I was wearing. Some said I look like an astronaut, some said I look like a plumber... -_-" After HOF I stayed back to help to clear up and before I know it, it was already 11.45pm!! So I quickly rushed off with my sister to catch the last train back. Managed to catch it, AMEN!! Well, I reached home and I immediately fell asleep. Was so so super tired.

Woke up to find that it was 1.33pm!! Its Saturday afternoon and I needed to be in church by 2.15pm for Heart.Sports!! Oh man, I quickly rushed out and bathed and all. My mum just had to buy me lunch at this time so I quickly gobbled down the food and rushed off for Heart.Sports. Reached church by 2.45pm but thank God the game was not starting untill 3pm. So I quickly changed up and prepared for the game. Opponent was Region A, the strongest team of all. Played Center Midfield again and the field was super muddy. I ran and splashed mud all over myself. Eventually got used to it and didn't bother about the mud anymore, just went in and played my best. Managed to hold Region A with the score of 2-2. Then we went into penalty shootouts and by God's grace we managed to win them by the score of 4-3!!! Praise the Lord!! We are finally in the finals and vouchers are just within our reach!!! Was so happy. After that went out to eat with Luke and Melvin and then met Christine and Alex and then go home already. Went home and quickly prepared all my presents which I had to give and did all the wrapping and every special thing I needed to do. Woh, thank God I completed everything by 4am and could go to sleep. Another busy day, totally spent.

Then today, Sunday came. It is Christmas eve and I went to church with my mum, my cousin and my uncle for the Chinese service. Then went to have breakfast and then go for the English service. Compared to each other, I must say that the Chinese message was alot more lighthearted than the English one, but both were very good. Gave the presents that I have prepared and received alot of wonderful presents as well. Heee :)

After church my friends and I went to eat lunch and then I went back to church to find people. Well, then I went out with Lilin to meet Lilian and Alex. And then we met Joel and gang and went to orchard. When we were at orchard, only Joel and Alex were with us. Then we went to watch a movie "Charlotte's Web" and only Joel was left with us. Then after the movie Joel left us so it was just back to Lilian, Lilin, Alex and me again. Well, went to have dinner at Yoshinoya and went home. Hehe, had a great time with Khong people. They are really great people. What a wonderful Christmas Eve.

Wo wo wo, now that was really busy wasn't it. Hehe, its not over yet. Christmas is tomorrow and I have plans for it as well. Even after Christmas on Boxing Day I also have things planned. I guess I am not as free as I might think I am. Hehe :) But I figure out that I probably should blog as I won't have much chance anymore!! Muahaha.

And I wish everyone a Merry Merry Christmas!!! God bless!!

God Is Good

God Is Good!!!! Wah, my prayers were answered totally!! Today is a really good day. It did not rain!!! The rain has finally stopped!! Oh yeah!! Its really good. I woke up in the morning to find that is not raining anymore. Muahaha. I was like, "God, You are so so good." It was so super sunny la!! I was really glad. God answers prayers. So I woke up in and went to school for soccer. Wednesday is soccer day :)

Oh ya, check out what I found yesterday night.

According to this weather satellite image, you can see the storm (indicated by orange and red zones) centered around Singapore. So this is whats causing the the non-stop rain. It is reported on the news that the rain could go on untill Friday. And that some areas in Singapore are already badly flooded. I saw one pic whereby half the taxi was in the water la!! Scary. But well, God held the rain for today :)

So today was good. Went to school at about 11am to play soccer. It was super sunny and I got very tan. Its not that I am not tan enough already but it just can't be helped if I keep doing sports in the sun... Nvm. So I had a really good time playing soccer, then spoiling my soccer boots.

Oh ya, and my friend gave me the 1st christmas present for the year. And its Adidas. And its something which I like. Its something which I have been wanting to get. God is good!!!!

After soccer, Khalis, Izzat, Bright and I went to Lot1 Long John Silver's for lunch. Had a treasure meal (its the most worth it, I think) and then went to play pool with the gang. Played pool halfway then need to rush off to prepare for G12 already. Wah, it was 6pm when I went off. Everything need to be done by 7pm. So I quickly went home to grab my presents, went to NTUC to get all the BBQ equipment with Ton then quickly carry the things to the pit to set up everything. Rush rush rush. Thank God everything was still in order.

Well the BBQ was really good. We had a great time worshipping, then Ton taught about having peace, then we fellowshipped. Woh! There was so much food. So we ate untill we were really full. Then some people came and want to sell ice-cream to us. They turned out to be Joshua's friends so Ton bought some ice-cream for them and blessed them with our BBQ food!! Cool. Then some other people came and wanted to sell ice-cream also. But we got ice-cream already so we just blessed them with our food. Isn't this great? We can actually be a blessing to the people around through our G12 BBQ!! Its such a wonderful idea. There was chicken wing and otak and beehoon and fishballs that Weihong bought, and random fried food that Linton cooked. Great night.

Well, then I reached home and was so full and tired after a whole day of activities. Wonderful day. Thank God for the weather. Hm, I can't relax yet. Theres still "I'm going to have a Blue Christmas" on Friday which I need to help Chester with the Blue Drink thingy then theres my secondary school class chalet tomorrow!! Oh man, busy busy busy. But I like it :)

Its been raining... raining...

The weather really is pathetic. I am writing this blog on the 2nd day of the non-stop rain. Yes, non-stop rain. The rain has not stopped a single moment since it started monday morning. If I am not wrong, it has been pouring for more than 30 hours already!!!!

Well, it was pouring yesterday but I didn't really bothered about it coz I wasn't having any plans to go out. The only place I went yesterday was my grandma's house and the rain didn't really affect much of my plans. I was only hoping it would end by Tuesday and it usually would coz rain don't last that long normally. But it didn't. I woke up today to find that IT IS STILL RAINING!!!! Oh man!!

Its bad to rain today coz today is when I do alot of things. First off, I could not go and swim coz of the rain. TUESDAY IS MY FAVOURITE SWIMMING DAY AND IT HAD TO RAIN?!?!?!? Nevermind... So I waited at home untill 5pm then went out to do some christmas shopping. That is, to shop for christmas presents. Well, I went to Junction8 Bishan and burned a $100 hole in my wallet. Jeez, and I didn't even buy for alot of people... So I am really broke now. BROKE. No no money. I hope I can find money somewhere and buy even more presents for more people...

Well, after shopping, I went to book a BBQ pit for my G12. Hey hey, gonna have a BBQ for christmas tmr for G12!! Thats a really cool idea. So if you are reading this and you have no plans for wednesday night, please come to Stagmont Park and look for people who are doing BBQ!! Its us!! ITS FREE!! Hm, BBQ pit is expensive also. $10 booking fee and $20 refundable deposit. But I am sure it will be great. Plus Ton has learned the BBQ chicken wing skill from Pastor Nic and Pastor Lim... muaahahahaa. Food won't disappoint. :) Ahhhh, really really need to pray that it won't be raining tmr night!!!

Hm, then I had dinner. Hehe. And I came home. ^_^

2 days in the week

Well, its another week gone and I am inching closer and closer to christmas, then to new year, then to... NS!!!! Wa, time is just zooming past me like a speeding car and I can't even catch up.

So lets just talk about yesterday and today.

Well, yesterday, which is Tuesday 12th December, I went to swim again. I love swimming on tuesdays coz the pool is closed on Monday to change the water so the water is relatively cleaner on Tuesday. :) So i went to swim and swam for 2 hours non-stop again.

Well, some really interesting things happened at the pool this time. I was just swimming my laps and this kid who I think is about 15 or 16 swam beside me. At 1st I didn't really bothered about him and jus continued on with my laps. Then I realised something really weird. Everytime I touched the wall, he will start with me! Wa, obviously he trying to compete with me lo! But really, his breaststroke really not bad, quite close to mine. So I got really sick of this guy and just switched to frontcrawl (also known generally as freestyle). Lol, managed to just get him away from me. Then after that I make sure I don't swim beside him already. One funny thing I noticed is that although his breaststroke was pretty good, his frontcrawl looked kinda weird. Nevermind about that. :)

Then another thing happened also. I was just swimming and I saw this $2 note floating in the water. Haha, I didn't expect to find money in the pool lo! I figured out it could belong to this guy nearby as he was wearing shorts and seemed to be looking for something. So I swam over and wanted to get the note for him. Then he found it and grabbed it and then looked at me as if I was trying to steal his money. Haha. Weird guy. I mean who would bring money with him to swim de la! Thats quite... unusual. :P

Ok, so after swimming I went to my grandma's house to eat. Well, my grandma jus had some surgery on her eyes so I just go over to encourage her lo. Its very easy to make my grandma happy, jus turning up at her place and eating the dinner that she cook can alr :) My uncle, aunties, cousins were all there as well. Lol. My uncle commented that I looked like my dad. Huh? No lo!! Don't anyhow say ah... he also said that I look fit! Muahaha. Yup yup. :P Hehe. Then my grandma asked me how did her eyes look. I thought about it for awhile then said, "it looks really small." I didn't know what else to say, lol. So after spending time at my grandma's place, my cousin drove me back lo.

Yup yup, then wednesday came. Wednesday is officially soccer day as stated by a friend of mine. So I cycled to school at 11am and jus played soccer untill about 2pm. Wah, then when I was cycling home, it started to rain abit. Thank God by the time I reach home still haven't downpour. Had a super spicy prawn noodle lunch (really spicy!!) then just stayed at home lo. Actually wanted to play basketball with another friend but by that time, it was already downpouring and having a thunderstorm already. Hai, so stayed at home and played maple lo.

Well, then have to go G12 already. Ahh, everybody is so busy so only left me can songlead. This is my 2nd time songleading in a row already leh!! -_-" Nvm, I love to sing anyway, muahahahah.

A Bad Morning

Haha, the guy in this video really is having a bad start to his day. Just when you thought it was bad enough for his car to be covered in ice and snow, see what happens next... just look at him as he keeps on pressing the button in disbelief...

Praising God In The Storm

You would probably have realised the new blog song which I have put up here. Its called "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns. All of us face storms in our life at one time or another. The storms can be big storms, or just small storms, but they all make life difficult for us. Why do we have storms in our life? Why does God allow these storms to come into our lives? Well, in the 1st place, no one, not even Jesus said that life would be easy. Life isn't easy, thats for sure. But another thing that we can be sure about is that God would be walking through it with us.

Its very easy to praise God for the things He has done for us when everything is sunny and fine, when things just seem to be perfect. Its easy to praise God when we are not facing any storms in our life. But what about when we are facing the storms in our lives? Do we praise God in this storm? Yes of course, thats because when God allows a storm to come into our life, He has a reason for it, and He will either calm the storm for us, or He will just ride through it with us. God will never leave us in the storm. Thats why even in the storm, we will praise God, because we know that He is with us.

There are 2 main reasons why God puts a storm in our life.

One reason is to change our stubborn thinking and mindsets, so that we can walk in His direction. This can be seen in the example of Jonah. You see, Jonah was running away from God's calling of going to Nineveh to preach. He got onto a ship and then faced a violent storm. Well, its a long story, but eventually Jonah was thrown overboard the ship into the sea as he is identified by the sailors for causing the storm as he has incurred God'd wrath. But well, that was not the end of Jonah. In Jonah 1:17, it says "But the Lord provided a great fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was inside the fish three days and three nights." Isn't this wonderful? God did not let Jonah die in the storm. God was riding with Jonah through the storm, sending a big fish to help Jonah keep alive in the storm! Well, to cut the story short, after spending the time in the fish stomach, Jonah finally soften his heart to God's calling and went to Nineveh to preach against it, thus saving the entire city from God's judgment. You see, this storm that God puts Jonah through was obviously aimed at softening Jonah's stubborness against the calling of God. Aren't we like Jonah sometimes, refusing to listen to the will of God and thus facing a storm that God put in our life? I myself admit to this. But do not be disheartened, God put this storm in our life only for our own good, and He will ride through it with us.

Another reason why God puts a storm in our life is to make us depend on His power. Many a times, when we are so blessed and have lived a sunny life for too long, we get a little complacent and forgot God's blessing upon our life. We will tend to feel that we do not need God in our life anymore. When this happen, God will put a storm in our life to remind us that we still need to depend on Him as we are not as great we think we are. In Mark 4:35~41, we see that Jesus and his disciples were in a boat when a storm caught them. At that point of time, Jesus was still asleep. So the storm was really violent and the disciples got scared. So they woke Jesus up and Jesus rebuked the winds, calming the storm in the end. After that, the disciples were rebuked for having no faith because they were afraid. In this case, the storm was calmed. All that was intended was for the disciples to learn that they had to depend on Jesus and for them to realise their own state of faithlessness. I believe that before this, the disciples were probably thinking that they were mighty and strong in their faith. The storm made them realise their weakness and made them lean onto Jesus for help. This is true in our lives as well. Sometimes we will face storms in our life to make us realise that we are not as great as we thought we are and we eventually still need to go back to God for His strength and protection. But we do not have to fret, because God is in control all along and the storm will eventually be calmed.

Therefore, we should praise God even in the storm. Reason being in the fact that God puts these storms in our lives only for our own good, to make us learn, and that He is always looking after us, either by riding through the storm with us or by calming the storm in the end.

2 Days Worth Of Exercise

Yesterday and today was really tiring for me. I had exercises and sports
done in the 2 days, and now, I feel real tired and my muscles are aching. All
these done for my pre-NS training which should prepare me for the army when I
enlist on 12th January 2007. And to keep FIT!

Well, yesterday, I went swimming. It wasn't much, I swam for 2 hours
non-stop and I don't know how many laps. At the end of the day, my right calf
decided to cramp and so... I have a little limp right now. Its not that bad
really but I can still feel the cramp now. But well, I feel a little darker
now... not that I am not dark enough... I am just getting closer and closer to
the dark side... as in colour.

Today is a very packed day. In the morning I went to play soccer with my
friends, then cycling in the afternoon then basketball in the evening. At night,
during a basketball match, my upper thigh cramped and I could not even bend my
leg. So I had to back out from the match and just rest on the side. It was
pathetic. Eventually the cramp subsided and I could walk again.

And now, I am just sitting on my chair and blogging. With a right calf that was cramped and a left upper thigh cramped as well. In fact, both my thighs are on the verge of cramping again so I shall not exert myself anymore. Ah, I feel much fitter now! Muahahaha.

Submission

People who know me well enough would know that the past week had been quite a whirlwind for me and that my mood had been in the pits over the weekend. Right now, I am really quite messed up and I do not know what to do with the situation that faces me. This pushed me to look closer at what exactly happened that caused this mess. I turned to God for answers. And God answered.

It was not as if I stopped seeking God or what. It was not as if I wasn't following His will. It was all good at first. Everything was fine. It seemed as though things were going to turn out great. And now this. Things just seem to have taken a wrong turn, a bad turn. And I wonder why.

I prayed very hard to God, seeking answers from Him, seeking comfort, seeking guidance. And all three He provided. And I realised what exactly happened.

When this all began, I was really seeking God's guidance, walking close to Him on what I should do. Its almost as if I was just one step behind, following God's lead. Things went well, I admit. I was really happy. Its a happiness I have never felt in a really long long time. At that point in time, I thought everything was going to turn out just fine. God was really blessing me.

Then, I let my emotions got the better of me. I got impatient. I wanted to see this will of His be fulfilled, and fast. But God wasn't planning for that. His plan was not for this time. I do not know when it will be fulfilled and I was just afraid that at the end of the day it will be gone. I couldn't see the future, I couldn't see the whole road. So I took one step ahead of God. I ran faster and faster. I thought if I could run fast and far enough, I would be able to see His will fulfilled earlier. I could hear God telling me softly, "No, now's not the time yet. Don't go so fast." I didn't heed that advice of His. I was thinking that if it is God's will, then it is God's will, then it will all turn out right. But I forgot one thing.

God's will comes with God's timing. Everything must go according to His plan or it will not turn out right. I didn't realise that. I was in the heat of emotions and just went ahead of God. Well, at first it seemed all right. Then I started to mess up a little. Then more. Untill I created such a big mess I did not even know what to do. I just cried like a little child. God was still behind. He said "Look, didn't I told you? Now get up, you need to move on."

I learnt my lesson. I dare not run ahead of God anymore. Right now, I just want to stay beside God, walking just beside Him, letting Him lead the way. I want to hold His hand like a little child and not let it go, because I know He will bring to great things. I do not know if the mess could be salvaged or not. Maybe I have missed His will in this one rash action of mine. I don't know. All I know is I am going to let God lead me, and walk just one step behind Him. I am going to submit this entirely to Him, letting God take the lead and guiding me once again. Perhaps things could go back to how it was before, and this will could be fulfilled.

Just submitting to His lead now...

Pieces Of Gold - Water, Fire, Hammer

There is this girl whom I know whose life is a great encouragement and teaching to me. She didn't start well. In secondary school, she was influenced greatly by bad company and became a hooligan. She started smoking. She attached vulgarities to the things she said. She acted like she owned the world. She was what we would call, a mess up. She was literally running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction. It would be easy for people to think that she was in a hole so deep she would never be able to climb out. But that was not the case.

There is no pit too deep that God could not pull a person out! She was pulled out. She was saved and her life changed completely. And now, she leads and teach others in the right path. A completely changed person. All this? A perfect example of the work of God. Our life is in fact the ultimate testimony that we can show to anybody that we meet. A completely changed life is all the more better.

Does anyone know how we get the precious metal called gold? How we get that nice jewellery that is worth so much? Gold. It is 1st extracted from the mines as ore. Gold ore. This gold ore is dirty. Theres soil all around it. What to do? The people then use the water to wash this soil away. Wash wash. Some soil are much harder than others to get washed. But eventually, all the soil will be washed away. And that piece of gold ore will be clean. This is what God does with us too. When we are found by God, He will wash away all the sins from us. We will be clean. And from there we can be used by God to do His work.

What does the gold miner do with the gold ore then? He will then put the gold ore into fire and smelt it. He will smelt it so that the gold ore is ready to be worked on by him. The process of smelting is done so as to remove impurities that cannot be removed by just washing through water. God will sometime put us through fire to help us remove our impurities too. You know, just coming to know the Lord will not make us a good person completely. We sometimes have to go through many difficulties to purge the impurities from our lives. To be completely in tune with the christian walk. God puts us through trials to let us know that we need to depend on Him. That is how we develop in the christian walk.

After smelting, the gold miner will take the pure gold and beat it. Beating it with the hammer untill it becomes the shape that is desired. After the beating, the gold would then be valuable and become very worthy. Many a times, God beats us into shape through difficulties in our lives. These difficulties are those that make us a stronger christian so that we can do God's work even better. The gold miner will beat the gold, yes. But he will never beat it untill it breaks. Thats because the breaking the piece of gold would be wasting the gold miner's efforts and time. God will not put us through a trial that we cannot handle. God only puts us through trials that will make us strong. Eventually, we will be made stronger and stronger, being able to do more and more of God's work.

This girl that I know, I could see her life undergo the water, the fire and the hammer of God. From a dirty piece of gold ore, she has been transformed by the hand of God into a precious jewellery. I encourage all of my friends to pick up from this lesson, and learn not to give up when God is shaping you to be a stronger christian. And also, to not despise others and think them as "hopeless". Everyone of us, regardless of status, race, gender, age, education are all pieces of gold. God wants us to help this gold pieces to go under His hand and become precious jewellery.

I encourage all of those who are reading this to see beyond the soil and dirt in a person's life and see the true value of the gold in them. Every soul is valuable. There is no soil that is too difficult to wash off, no impurities too hard to remove and no gold too hard to shape. There is no pit too deep that God cannot reach.

Exam Day 8: Literature Conquered, A'Levels War End

Today is a significant day. The war has ended. With one final battle, Literature has been conquered and the A'Levels war come to an end. Its finally over. The war which started on 2nd November 2006 has finally come to a close on 24th November 2006. And I lived through it.

Today's paper is English Literature Paper 5, also otherwise known as Open Texts Paper. So I basically I bring in 3 texts which I have studied before and do questions on them. Well, the 3 texts issued to us by the school was Top Girls, The God Of Small Things, Another Place. All of them are not easy. But well, no choice la, still need to do lo.

This morning I woke up to find myself in the last day of A'levels. Man, I must say I was really excited. So I woke up at 6am to call Christine to wake up too and then go bathe and change all this. Took a bus to school and reached at around 7.15am. Sat down to study one last time. Then Ann came to join me, followed by Liuzhen, then Janice, then Vivien. One last time. Thats it. I packed up at 7.48am and put my bag in my locker. Today's battlefield: F2-46. That will be where it all end. Reached the classroom at about 7.50am and sat down. Can't get all excited yet or I might just lose it at the last paper. So I kept calm.

• 7.50am: Sat down, calm down and pray
• 7.52am: Take writing paper. Write down name on cover sheet.
• 7.55am: Get question paper. Check check.
• 7.58am: Start paper. Write write.
• 10.58am: End paper. Smiling to myself.
• 11.02am: Leave classroom. Big smile on my face. Its finally over.

Well, no screams no nothing. We are mild people. But everybody was happy, thats for sure. It is finally over. A'levels, done. So we just kept talking to each other with big smiles on our face. Went to play soccer with Bright, Jonathan, Izzat, Sankaran, Vipul, Stanley and Zavier. The girls said they were tired, so ok lo. Soccer was great coz we were all super duper relaxed lo. Then it rained heavily so we played in the rain untill I was soaking wet lo.

Some teacher came and told us off so we moved up to the hall to play. It was fun. After playing they just decided to stay around in school while I quickly went home. I can't stand my socks and shoes being all soaked so I just went back to get my feet dry. Its quite a sick feeling, if you know what I mean. Went home, have lunch then took a short nap. And here I am blogging.

So what am I going to do next. I don't know. But definitely not study. I have so much time on my hands, I am so free!! I can do all the things I like. I can do all the things I used to do. Play online games, cycle, night cycling, cycling at P.Ubin, swimming, gym, basketball, movie, soccer, jogging, go beach, waste time... anything. Anything anything. Its a good feeling. Its a really good feeling. This 1 month of free time, I am going to make sure I enjoy myself. Untill I go packing to Pulau Tekong...

Exam Day 7 - Battling Literature Part 2

This post is pretty late I would say, but I still managed to make it before the day ends. Ok ok, today was exam day no.7. The 2nd paper of English Literature that I would have to take. Today's paper is, English Literature Paper 4. Well, paper 4 is basically the topic paper. Each school chooses a topic to study and then sit for the exam. There are many different topics ranging from War Literature to Detective Literature. For my school, we take a topic called The Gothic Tradition.

So my day starts with me waking up at 6am in the morning. Yesterday slept pretty early at about 1.30am coz I needed to be fully alert for the literature papers. So I woke up, called Christine to wake up as well then went to bathe and changed up. What to study for gothic... well, I just took my note book with me and read it while I head to school. Of course, as usual, I slept on the bus. I wanted as much sleep as possible so I won't feel sleepy during the paper :)

Ok, reached school at about 7.20am. Met Izzat at the notice board and realised that our exam venue wasn't announced yet. So we jus sat down and studied together. Then a teacher came by to tell us the exam venue. F2-46. Same place as the last literature paper. Well well, so Izzat and I studied untill about 7.45am then we put our bags in the locker and headed to the classroom. Battlefield for today is: F2-46. Same old place. When I reached the classroom, there were people inside already so I just went in and sit down. Time: 7.48am

• 7.48am: Sat down, prayed
• 7.52am: Writing papers given out. Write name all.
• 7.55am: Question paper given out. Check check.
• 8.00am: Start paper. Write write.
• 11.00am: End paper. Glad it ended.

Ok, so that basically wraps up my English Literature Paper 4. Its an average paper and I think managed to pull it off. Well, I tried my best and thats the most important.

After the exam, my friends and I went for lunch at Lot1. People present were Bright, Jonathan, Izzat, Evan, Winnie, Janice, Samantha and me. Well, I had fried chicken with rice and we just crapped in the food court over a cup of honey milk tea. Relaxation after the exam is very important. During the chat session, it is decided that tomorrow after the last paper, we will go play sports in school to relax. The guys insist on soccer, but the girls... well, we need to compromise. So tomorrow will include a whole array of sports like soccer, volleyball, handball, captain ball and touch rugby. See can play what then play what lo.

After lunch I went back home and take a nap. Went online then went out for the whole night. Details of my night out is not for viewing. :) Hehe. Then reached home and blogged already. Just before midnight I managed rush to blog. Cool huh.

Well, tomorrow is my last paper. English Literature Paper 5. That is the Open-Texts paper. Not an easy paper at all and I have never been good at it. After that. COMPLETE freedom!!!! Gosh, I can't wait at all! I can't wait for the A'levels to be conquered and the war to be over! All the way!!!

Things you CAN'T do when you're NOT in a pool

Do you remember what you usually tend to do when you are swimming at the pool. Well, heres a reason why you do them only at the pool. Not anywhere else.

Exam Day 6 - The Fight Into Literature part 1

Well, this post is basically one day late. The real exam day 6 was 17th November 2006 but due to an extremely tight schedule, I was unable to blog yesterday. Therefore this post had to wait untill now.

Ok, yesterday was the 6th day I am having exams. It was English Literature Paper 8. Paper 8 is a paper called "Practical Criticism", which is also "Comment and Appreciation". So basically what you do is that you read a work of literature, and then comment on how the author uses different techniques to bring out the theme of the work. Not quite easy.

Yup, so my exam day starts with me waking up at about 12.15pm I think. My memory is starting to fail me, its been too long so I cannot really remember all the details correctly now. Well, the paper starts at 2.30pm so I guess I had some time. Woke up, got my studying materials then went to eat my lunch at home. Then just bathe and change up for school. Feeling tired, slept at 4am the previous night.

Ok, so I got onto the bus and decided to clear my mind. I need to do this especially before this paper because paper 8 is one which really requires me to have a clear head and understand the work properly. If my mind is too full of thoughts, I will be so dead. Yup, so I basically just shut my eyes and clear my thoughts and pray at the same time in the bus untill I reach school. Reached school at about 2.05pm I think.

2.05pm, I finally reach school. Sat down with Izzat and Evan to study. They were just sitting down at the bench chatting while I was the only one studying lo. Haha. They just seem so relaxed. Well, so after some final revision of the concepts, I put my bag into the locker at about 2.15pm. Headed to the exam venue. The battlefield was: F2-46 classroom. Well its finally not the hall. Reach there at 2.15pm. Just hang around outside the classroom while I was cooling and calming myself down. 2.20pm, we were told to go into the room.

• 2.20pm: Enter room, get my seat, prayed
• 2.23pm: Get the papers and everything. Pass down the writing papers.
• 2.25pm: Get the question paper.
• 2.28pm: Waiting for someone who is late to come, so we cannot start early
• 2.30pm: She didn't come in time, so we started the paper. Read read read.
• 5.30pm: Finished the paper. Not feeling too fantastic about it but glad that it was finally over.
• 5.40pm: Leave the exam room. No one was screaming coz everyone in the room won't end literature untill next friday.

Ok, so that concludes the 1st paper I need to take for Literature. Only 2 more papers left for literature. Papers 4 and 5. Both are not easy. Literature has never been an easy subject at all. Ok, so after the paper, the whole gang decided to go have dinner. So Bright, Winnie, Janice, Izzat, Evan, Jonathan and me went to Lot1 Food Culture to have dinner. Had this pretty tasty chicken cutlet and the soup was pretty good. Lol, after eating I slacked abit then needed to go off already. I have to go church lo. So I split from them at about 6.50pm then headed off to church.

Reached Yishun at about 7.15pm. I knew I would be late. So I just went to the bus interchange to take 804 to church. Didn't realise Jeff was the same bus as me. So I took the bus untill church then met Jeff in church. He told me he was on the same bus. Lol, what could I say... I wasn't looking. So reached church at about 7.45pm. Sang the last worship song. Haha. Then watch the movie. Christmas Child. It's a movie about a guy who was abandoned and then go to some town in Dallas called Clearwater to seek his past. Well, I managed to stay awake through the movie.

After church, went to eat with a whole bunch of people at 925. Mr Melvin drove once again this time and piloted Luke, Joshua, Bernice and me to 925. Lol. Didn't have money with me so I just drank Horlicks Ice. Cool huh. Spent some time crapping with a whole bunch of people. Trina, Feressa, Christine, Stephanie, my sister, Debrina, Dorothy, Alex, Maverick, Luke, Melvin, Joshua. Thats alot of people. 3 tables full of us. Pretty cool huh.

So after supper, Melvin sent the CCK bunch back, which includes Dorothy, Maverick, Bernice, Joshua, my sis and me. Yup. On the way, Christine asked me to go to Trina's house. I obliged. So when I reached home, I quickly did my workout then bathe then went out. Thats the reason why I didn't blog this post yesterday.

Took a cab at 1am then met Christine at Yishun then continued on to Trina's house at Hougang. Reached Trina's house at don't know what time. It is pretty interesting that I know the location of her house without needing to ask her. All based just on my intuition. Cool huh. Well, I've been there before so I roughly know where it is...

Ok, so just spent time in Trina's house. People present were: Trina, Christine, Stephanie, Debrina and me. So I just spent some time chatting with the girls, then I did some studying, then played PS then watched VCD. After that, everyone jus zoned out and all jus fell asleep on the floor. Next thing I knew was that my face was in someone's hair and I woke up. I think it was around 7.15am already. I did my devotion with just prayers coz my bible wasn't with me and then just hang around the living room. Woke Trina up at 8am coz she needed to go work, and she told me to give her another 10minutes. Woke her again at 8.15am and she told me to give her another 5 minutes. Woke her up at 8.30am and she didn't bother me. So I just went back to sleep. By the time I woke up, everyone else was awake. It was about 9.30am I think. Yup, then played PS with Christine while Debrina watched some korean VCD and Trina went to work and Stephanie was doing something in Trina's room.

After some time, at about 12pm I think, we all decided that we are hungry then went to have lunch at some hawker centre at Hougang Central. Then we took the North East Line down. Christine and I alighted at Dhoby Ghaut to transfer onto North South Line while Debrina took on to Outram Park to get onto East-West Line coz she lives at Redhill. Fell asleep on the train and Christine alighted at Yishun. She still got heart.sports after that. For me, I took on to Yew Tee then went home. Fell asleep when I reached home at about 3.30pm. Next thing I knew was that it was already 8.15pm so I just turned on my computer to start blogging.

Well, 2 more exam days left, 2 more papers. A'levels is finally coming to an end. Still got about 5 more days until the next paper come. I need to relax already. Last week's 5 consecutive papers has taken alot out of me and I eventually lost steam during the last two papers. I need to get back my energy, and then, FULL STEAM AHEAD!

Exam Day 5 - Conquering Geography

And finally, after 5 days of exams, the second core subject is conquered. Geography. Today, I took my Geography Paper 2. Well, this basically is the human geography paper. Er, human geography refers to the study of population, urban growth, tourism and this kinda stuff. Some people thought I was studying... human. -_-"

Ok, moving on. Today's paper starts at 9am. And I didn't sleep untill about 4am yesterday. Well, I spent quite some time on the internet then studied as well. Muahahaha. Ok, so I was awoken at 7.30am by my mum. Apparently, I did something to my alarm unconciously and it just did not really ring. Thank God for my mum... the unconcious me is... hard to predict.

Yup, so I woke up at 7.30am then went off to take a bath and change then head off to school already. After getting like only 3 and half hours of sleep, I felt super super lethargic. So I just took a short nap on the bus. Didn't really want to study on the way there. Nothing was in my hand. OK! Reached school at about 8.20am. Started studying in school by myself. This time, I bought some milo from the canteen to drink. I felt really hungry. But milo solved the problem!

At 8.45am, I decided to pack up and put my bag in the locker. So that I did then I went to exam venue. Todays battlefield: The Hall, yet again. Reach the hall at about 8.50am. Slacked with Bright and Alvin outside. Alvin was still burying his head in his notes. Ok, time to go into the hall 8.53am.

• 8.53am: Enter hall, sit down. Prayed
• 8.55am: Receive question paper. Check check.
• 8.58am: Start exam. Start scribbling.
• 11.58am: End exam. Stop writing. Sigh of relief
• 12.10am: Leave hall. People screaming in joy coz it was their last paper. Couldn't be bothered about them.

And that does it. Geography is done. Geography is conquered. And this leave me with just one more subject to conquer: English Literature. Ok, sincerely, thats my weakest subject but no doubt I will do my best to conquer it! 1st literature paper is tmr... English Literature Paper 8...

Ok, so after the paper, it was time to deal with my hunger pangs. Went to eat with Bright, Alvin and Belinda. Had a little meal at Lot1 macdonald's. Had student's meal. Ha. I realised I was very poor. Only 4 dollars in my wallet. So ya, student's meal was affordable. Then we just hang around at Lot1, see vcd and all then went back.

Reached home. Waste abit of time on the net then I slept already. Haha, my eyes were super tired and my brain couldn't concentrate at all. So I didn't blog. I only start to blog now when I have had enough sleep already.

3 more exam days left... 3 more papers... 1 more subject...

Exam Day 4 - Conquering Economics

Today is the 4th day I am having my exams. Well, I am already halfway into it and right now, I am in the heart of the A'levels. This is the 'stress week'. The week with the most papers. 5 papers in 4 days. Thats really crazy. Plus the papers are all back to back. Ok, nvm, I only have 2 papers left for this week...

So, whats for today? Economics paper 1 and paper 2. The last economics papers I am going to take. Which simply means, economics is completed and done. Paper 1 is just MCQ and paper 2 is DRQ. MCQ = Multiple Choice Questions and DRQ = Data Response Questions. Ok, thats for the people who are wondering. Today's paper starts at 2pm. I woke up at 11.20am. Slept last night at 4am, spent the entire night watching anime -_-"

Ok, so I woke up at 11.20am. Apparently I turned off my alarm so I could get some peaceful sleep... I turned it off unconciously. I woke up and realised that I had better get some studying done. So I jus studied abit then bathe then went to eat lunch with my mum. Had duck rice + fishball soup with mum at 12.30pm then went off to school at 1pm.

Took an MRT this time. Then take bus at CCK interchange. Ok. So I actually did some studying on the way to school. Reached school at about 1.25pm. I studied myself today. Couldn't really find people to study with in school. Then my stomach got abit upset so I went to the toilet to erm... let it be less upset. Got out of the loo at 1.45pm then put my bag in the locker and head to exam venue. Today's battlefield: The Hall, again. Hang around outside the hall and then went in at 1.53pm.

• 1.53pm: Sat down, said my prayers
• 1.57pm: Checking to make sure my pencils are working and loaded with lead
• 1.58pm: Receive question papers
• 2.00pm: Check check
• 2.02pm: Start exam. Start shading boxes on paper
• 3.02pm: End exam. Feeling that the paper is really tough.

And that was paper 1, the MCQ paper. Finished with MCQ paper, had to wait for part 2. The DRQ paper. Well, theres a half hour break so we just worry each other by discussing about the MCQ paper. I told my friends I have a hunch that International Trade might come out for DRQ.

• 3.25pm: Enter exam hall again. Sit down and said prayers
• 3.27pm: Receive question paper. Crap, its not International Trade
• 3.28pm: Start paper. Start reading data. Write
• 5.13pm: End paper. Felt that it was really tough.
• 5.20pm: Leave hall. Hear people screaming in joy coz it was their last paper. Felt like punching them. Didn't punch them.

Ok, and that ends Economics once and for all! Wooohooo. Yeah, it was tough. Wasn't easy and I didn't feel I do very in this one. But well, its over! Economics had been conquered and its the 1st subject conquered in this A'levels war! Well, had dinner with Bright and gang then hang around at Lot1 then I had to go for G12.

G12, Ton talked something about Moses being loving to his people and all. Ya, ok, lets all be loving, and pray for our friends :) Yeah, Bright understands this best. Ah well, had nuggets and some crackers then go home already. Ton said he's gonna bring us for bowling once my A'levels are over next friday. Muahahaha.

Tomorrow is my Human Geography paper, also known as Geography paper2. Gonna be the last Geography paper I am taking and yeah! Tomorrow will be the day I conquer Geography! Study study~~~~ :)

Exam Day 3 - Fighting for Economics part 1

Today, is the 3rd day of my exam. Paper for the day: Economics Paper 3. Well, paper 3 refers to my essay paper and is really the most dreaded one of the 3 economics paper.

So, my day starts with me waking up at about 11am. The paper is at 2pm so I have some time to revise. Slept late last night at about 3am. So ya, 8 hours sleep, just enough. Was intending to wake up at 8am, but well, I just kept on pressing the snooze button on my alarm for 3 hours. Haha. I just did some last minute revision, had lunch, bathe then go school.

This time, I managed to get some reading done on the way to school and on the bus. Didn't take too long and I am at school already. Reached school at about 1.30pm. Sat down and studied abit with Hu Gang then packed up and put my bag in the locker at 1.40pm. Went to the exam venue at 1.45pm. Todays battlefield: The Hall. Yup, I just walked about outside the hall and talked to other people then went into the hall at 1.57pm. Prayed outside the hall.

• 1.57pm: Sat down and calmed myself down.
• 1.59pm: Got my paper and praying.
• 2.02pm: Start paper. Start scribbling. Start wrecking my brain.
• 4.17pm: End paper. Smile on my face
• 4.24pm: Scripts collected, leave the hall. Exam Over.

And that concludes my econs essay!!! Wooo! I just love it when an exam ends. It means I don't have to face it anymore! Well, today I didn't ask if anybody wanted to go eat coz I wasn't really hungry. Had lunch already. So I just went straight home. Some secondary school kids on the bus with me were talking about their A.Math paper. -_-" And I realised the living room TV is fixed. Cool!

Well, tomorrow is the concluding part for economics. Last economics papers I have to take! And thursday is human geography, also the last geography paper to take! Yeah! And I have to be in school on thursday only at 9am coz some American wants to come Singapore. So ya, more sleep for me :)

Missing

Its been 4 days since the incident happened on Sunday, 5th November 2006. Still I can't seem to recover from what happened. I can't believe how badly affected I really am. I miss her so badly. I thought it was going to be alright. That I will recover after awhile. But no, its getting worse. Its getting worse day after day.

Almost every second I will thinking of her. Pictures of her will flash past my mind one after the other. Her voice saturate my thoughts. I simply cannot forget her. Thoughts of her have infiltrated me like a virus, and they are just multiplying. As each second pass, I am missing her more.

It really hurt bad. I hope this will not affect my performance for the A'lvls. When Mr Yeo talked about the impact that relationships can have on our exam capabilities, I just brushed it off as crap. Now I realise it is real. It can affect exam capabilities and I cannot allow it to happen.

Its as though she's missing. Its as though she has disappeared into thin air. She's no longer there anymore. She's just not herself. I don't know whats going on. How is she feeling? Is she badly affected as well? I do not know. All these missing links. All these missing pieces. The puzzle cannot be completed.

And I learnt to depend upon God to give me strength. Personally, I am totally broken. The human me is done for. All I have is to depend upon God. What else can I lean on? People disappoint. People can betray you. People can backstab on you. People might not understand. People might misunderstand. Only God is on your side, always. And I recall the 4 F'dmonitions Of Christian Living:

• Fret Not
• Fear Not
• Faint Not
• Forget Not

Exam Day 2 - The Battle For Geography Part 1

Yeah, today is geography paper 1. Physical geography. Well, geography is the subject I scored best in for my prelim exams, but that doesn't really mean I don't have to prepare for it. I need to. Geography is something you can't trick past. You need to KNOW YOUR STUFF. Ok. So here goes.

I slept at about 3.30am. Turned out my air-con was spoiled. Oh well. Never mind. I woke up at 9.00am to do my last minute revision. The paper is at 2pm so I have some hours to do the revision, which basically is like 4 topics. I won't be able to finish preparing for all, thats for sure. So I revised, went online, talked to some people, revised again. Then mum woke up at about 11am and ask me to go have breakfast with her. So I did. Came back from breakfast at about 11.45am. Wanted to get abit of studying but then I fell asleep. Woke up at 12.15pm. Crap.

So I went to take a bath. Then wear my uniform all then go to school already. As usual, I will take a piece of paper to read. Its called preparing on the go. But, I was really tired. So I jus slept on the bus instead. Vroom vroom, and I am at CCK interchange. Vroom vroom, and I am at school. Walked to school. Don't want to read notes while walking, afraid I might knock into something. So "preparing on the go" didn't really work out.

Ok, reach school at about 1.15pm and met Ann to study together. Ann is a cute girl and she don't seem to be worried abit about the exams. Always smiling. Its good to be positive. Its good. Ok, so we study study and in came Vivien. Vivien looks abit worried but I guess due to her smartness, theres really no need for her to worry about anything. Well, she came and went to the canteen to buy tissue. I guess she dun need any last minute studying ba. Then in came Liuzhen. Ok, Liuzhen is kan chiong, as usual. Came and put her bag then went to the toilet. Then came back again and asked me for my hydro notes so I lent her and she started reading. Then I was just about to pack up and in came Janice. Janice looked flustered. She looks super worried. She always look worried. Turns out that last night she slept at 4 and didn't do any studying and then woke up late today and didn't do any studying too. Ah well... thats a reason to be worried.

Ok, so I packed up my things and went to my locker to put my things. Went to the exam hall. Today's battle venue: The Hall. Time of entry: 1.40pm.

• 1.40pm: Entry, walked about outside hall to wait for instructions to go in.
• 1.45pm: Enter, hall, sit down, prayed
• 1.50pm: Calming myself down
• 1.53pm: Get the exam scripts. Check check check.
• 1.57pm: Start exam.
• 4.57pm: End exam.
• 5.15pm: Leave hall. Sigh of relief

Hooray! And that concludes my physical geography!!! I realised that people have worried looks on their faces. They tell me they didn't manage their time well and didn't complete some questions. Ah... I wanted to tell them "Didn't Mr Osman always said to manage your time well... haven't you learnt yet?" but well, its probably too cruel so I just kept quiet. Wanted to go eat but no one was in the mood, so I just went home. And when I reach home, idiot Huan Jian ask me to go eat with him at Lot1. What?! I mean I just left Lot1 and you want me to go to Lot1?? Ok, I obliged. So I am going to eat with him now. 3 hours paper made me really hungry...

Untitled, still

My miracle did not arrive. She said. No. Actually she did not really say it. She just stopped smiling. Stopped smiling. I got the idea. She did not say no simply because I did not ask. And this saved me from the pits of rejection. I did not know what to do. I simply stood there. Stood there like how I had been all along. Like what I had been doing all along. I quietly took my heart back, turned and walk away. I simply fade into the crowd around me.

I knew this would happen anyway. I was no cassanova. I was not romantic. I wasn't your tall, dark, handsome group of men. I wasn't rich. I wasn't superbly intelligent. I wasn't anything. I was just me. Me, average me. As I blend into the crowd, I looked back at her. She was outstanding. She simply catches the eye of those who pass. How would I have fit anyway.

I walked on. Holding my dear heart. People are not noticing yet. But soon they will. They will probably say, "you shouldn't even have tried anyway." "you should have expected this." I know what they all will say. But still, I hold no regrets. That, simply because I tried. I tried and I did not regret. I didn't believe in not trying. I believed in trying. In fact, I am already glad that my heart was once held by her. That I had the opportunity to stand in front of her. Though brief it may be, such moments are precious and dear.

I tried to fit my heart back into the void where it used to be. It did not fit. It could not fit. It didn't want to fit. Perhaps it would take just a little more time before my heart could get used to being with me again. To being alone again. It would just have to take a little more time. For now, I just have to hold it. Hold it, untill it recovers.

And I just walk on. Like how I used to walk all my life. The path is familiar. The routines are not strange to me. The people who had been on the road are still here. Not much have changed. Except me. But I suppose it won't be long before I get to become who I was again. Get to place my heart in where it is supposed to be. Get to be whole, again.

And who knows. Maybe along this journey of mine, I might be able to find someone whom I could exchange hearts with. Or maybe, even, I might come one round to this spot again. To find her standing there again. To stand in front of her again. To give her my heart again. And maybe, just maybe, when that time comes, I would receive her heart, and she would keep mine.

And perhaps this story would come to a close for now. Even though the ending is not one I would wish for, it is still an ending I would have to accept. That, simply because I am not the author. I am simply the character. But perhaps this is not the end yet. Perhaps a new chapter would open. And perhaps in this new chapter, the ending could be one that I would wish for.

Untitled

Recently my mind has been in a mess. I could not concentrate on what I am doing and I am just not myself. I figured out that something is wrong with me so I went to the doctor to check up. After an examination, the doctor diagnosed what is the problem. He told me that my heart has been stolen.

I was shocked. What? My heart is stolen? I couldn't believe it. I reached out and touched where my heart used to be. Its gone. When? Who? How? I couldn't remember. Since when was my heart stolen from me? I didn't know. I looked at the void in my chest. Then I remembered what happened. No one stole my heart. I gave my heart to someone. To. Her.

It cannot be like this. I was distraught. I cannot allow myself to remain like this. So I went out. I ran out onto the streets. Desperately looking. Frantically searching. Kept on walking. A man without a heart. It wasn't that hard to find. She wasn't that hard to find. She's been there all along. She's been holding my heart and she might not even have realised it. She looked at me, wondering what I want.

I wanted to ask for my heart. It did not happen. I could not ask back for my heart. In fact, I did not even want my heart back. It was for her. It was intended for her. I finally realised what had happened. All I wanted was her heart. The void was for her to fill.

I wanted to ask for her heart. Still it did not happen. I could not do it. I could not ask. I realised how much of a coward I actually am. A man without guts. A man without a heart. Its not her that I am afraid of. It is the result. Of course it would be wonderful if she would give me her heart if I asked, but what if she would not? I realised that I am unable to face rejection. I realised that I would crush under rejection. I just could not face the consequences. In fact, I do not even know how to ask. I do not know how to open my mouth to ask for her heart. I just do not know.

She looked at me with a smile. Does she know what I want? Does she know what I am here for? Does she know why I am standing in front of her? Its almost as if she would give her heart to me if I would ask. Yet, it seems not. She could be smiling to everybody else. Theres so many people around me. So many people. They all have a heart with them. They looked at me, wondering whats wrong. Why is he not having a heart? Why is she holding 2 hearts? They know whats wrong. They could figure it out. However, they could not help. Some tell me to just take my own heart and go. Some tell me to ask her for her heart.

I could not figure out who to listen to. I am confused. I know what I wanted to do. I just could not do it. I just did not know how to ask. So all I do is just stand in front of her. Without a heart. Speechless. Motionless. Waiting for a miracle. Waiting for something to just happen. Waiting for my courage to arrive. Waiting for someone to push me. Waiting for someone to pull me away. Waiting, waiting. Me. Her. Them.