Clouds are singing a song, marching along, just like they do.

"In all those years he was the beneficiary of the infinite generosity of women, but he was the victim, too, because their forgiveness made possible the deepest and sweetest corruption of all, namely the idea that he was doing nothing wrong."

- Salman Rushdie, The Satanic Verses

School has started again for me. I woke up just half an hour before my first lecture (overslept) but arrived on time anyway. (because really, it takes just 10 minutes by the taxi while it takes an hour by the train/bus)

I didn't realise that I never stepped into school since my last paper last semester until I was having lunch in the afternoon. YOG isn't counted since I only went to NIE compound and part of the North Spine during the period.

School food is really cheap compared to what I've been stuffing myself with for the past few months. I must raise my discipline because all the cheap food especially Mr. Bean is tempting me to over-eat.

Church, Competition and Create

Attending "Create" last night made me realise something that has been at the corner of my small mind - competition improves quality, but kills meaning.

Being in the youth ministry, I've seen how competition has played a big part in almost everything that we do. Every time there's an event, we become all secretive about our projects, we poke around to see what others do. Intelligence, counter-intelligence, I've seen enough of this in the military. And then this attitude goes full blast especially when it comes to "Create".

I'm not saying that competition is all that bad. And I'm not saying that I'm totally not competitive either. But when the event becomes a time to outwit each other in terms of talent more than just enjoying a time of performance, something is seriously wrong.

Perhaps it's the introduction of the Inter-Region points, or the sheer number of events that the youths go through, but I realised that the way people from CGs view "Create" and the way people from YCGs view "Create" is vastly different.

For CGs, "Create" is just a time for them to get together and do something creative, something interesting outside of the usual church stuff. For the YCGs, "Create" is really more of a time to prove themselves, to showcase their respective talents to the rest of the congregation. I'm not saying either way is better than another, I'm just saying that the view that YCGs hold is slightly easier to tip over the edge, becoming a competition to find out who's better than who. (if you get what I mean)

And again, I must reiterate that I'm not saying that I'm not competitive here. I'm competitive, or I wouldn't have been in a competitive sports team myself. But when winning becomes a goal bigger than gaining experience, then perhaps we need to reconsider what we are doing this for. (even in canoeing, we still maintain the attitude of "experience over medals". We aim/train to win, but winning is really secondary, because the real reward is the training we put in and the experience we gain)

Personally, I believe that gaining a valuable experience, or learning something new is a greater reward than some vouchers or even gaining the title of "Best X of Create". And that was the main reason why I went out of the way to get myself out of the video team and put myself into the dance team. (okay, Christian Body Worship)

And now we learn that there is a very high possibility of us being last (because, out of point, yes), that doesn't mean that we will sulk our faces and go onto stage to do a mediocre performance. We'll still go up there and dance our best, because really, winning isn't everything.

(and I hope the finger pointing don't start, because we've discussed this issue at length even before we started practices, and we all agreed that we'll do this even if it meant that there was chance of it being out of point.)

Time

If I asked you, what time is it now?
What would you tell me?
23:19?
Wrong.

Because as you tell me it's 23:19, it has already jumped to 23:20.
There is no "now", or "present".
Even as I say "now", it would have been something of the past.
The "present" is nothing more than the future moving, transforming, becoming the past.
Time is fluid, in fact, too fluid for us to even think of measuring.

Because if I were to ask you the same question in London instead of in Singapore, it would have been 16:19 instead.
While we think our world as in the night, another man, in the same world, think his as in the day.
While we sleep, another awakes.
While we rest, another begins to work.
And that is just on our small tiny little planet.
Think of it in terms of the universe, of the galaxy.
If it was 23:19 here in Singapore, what time would it be on Mars?

Because if not for "time", you wouldn't even know what time it was.
If I had stolen away all the clocks and calendars in this world,
if I stopped the Earth from orbiting the Sun,
would time continue to run?
Yes, time would continue to run, but would we still know what time it was?

Because, if I asked you, "what is time?",
what would you say?

I would perhaps tell you,
that time is the most unreal thing in this world,
that has become the most real thing to us.