And its that time of the year, again

Every year has to come to an end regardless of how wonderful or how bad it was.

A quick revisit to my time capsules revealed that I have not made any new year resolutions for this year, so there isn't any need for me to weigh myself against a set list of resolution just to know if the year has been a good year or not. Fulfilling resolutions does not mean its a good year. A good year really means that its been good. Er...

Its been a good year for me. A really really good year. It has also been a year of changes for me. Changes are always exciting, they bring novelty into our lives and we are always excited by novelty. For me, my life took quite a number of turns in the year, with me leaving the military service, entering the university and multiple changes to my perspectives.

My stint in the military for the 1st half of the year was really good. Not only did I draw a sweet salary (of which I am still enjoying the fruits), I also gained an experience that could not be found anywhere else. Many great friendships were also formed during this period of time. I ORDed on a really nice note, with me feeling that I have gained everything I can from the service before embarking on the next phase of my life.

2nd half of the year started with what I call, "The Break". Its practically a 3 month break to refresh my mind before I go back to school again. I went to the church camp (which was absolutely refreshing) and also plugged myself in to help my region with the Chinese event. More importantly, I used this period of time to retune myself for university and to prepare to study again.

My 21st birthday also fell nicely in "The Break", allowing me time to plan and come up with a birthday party. The money left from the service was what allowed me to pull off what I feel is a costly event, which I felt was really important as that really meant that I need not burden my parents for something like that.

Then in comes university life. It started off pretty well. The period of retuning worked out just fine and I found myself fitting in just nice. Everything went at a pretty nice pace and I had the luxury to still feel my way around the areas that I was not familiar with. However, when the assignments started to pour in and the exams drew near, I began to feel the heat. I began to realise that 2 years without any academic activity really threw my brain into a freeze. I was having a cold start. Skills revolving essay writing completely escaped me and I found it really difficult to start writing anything academic at all.

My friends, whom I am absolutely grateful for, came in at just the right time to lend me a hand. Shu Ting, my counter-part from NUS in English Literature, re-taught me a few skillsets that I found was really essential for both writing and studying. Ying Hui provided me an idea for my politics term paper when I couldn't decide on what to write on. Lian Ah Lian was really kind and generous to invite me for study sessions at SMU when the exams drew near, sessions that I found was really good and focused. And of course, all my friends in NTU, Izzat, Hazwan, Michelle, Nadiah, Izzy, Adel, Hansen, they never fail to put the peer pressure on me to study, and sometimes to not study.

When the exams came, I was really apprehensive. The truth is, I totally didn't know what to expect. I haven't taken a single examination (other than military ones) in nearly 3 years and I have forgotten how it felt like. Besides, taking an examination in university is probably another matter entirely. But still, with God's strength and peer pressure to study really hard, I managed to pull it off.

The year ended on a sweet note. I got back my results just a day before the year closes. A GPA of 4.25 to kickstart the next semester really puts some of the motivation and drive back into me again. Although not a very fantastic result per se, its still encouraging that I managed to stretch past the 4.0 mark despite of the difficulties I faced. 4.0 was one of the targets I set for myself when the term started and I am really happy to have been able to achieve it! Now I have to see if I qualify for double major.

As I look back on the year, I must say God really placed these different things in my life perfectly. The timing of my military contract was impeccable, providing me a break before university that was just enough to refresh my mind. University was a plan that I never thought about. This one goes back to a really long time. 5 years ago.

It was 2004 and I just finished my 'O' Levels. I really didn't intend on going to JC, so I put Mass Comm at Ngee Ann as my first choice of institues to go to. A combination of the course's popularity and God's amazing humour, I found myself going to PJC instead. I stuck through JC and I began to see how this was God's chosen path for me all along. Well, cut the story short, here I am. I don't think I would have been in university had I went to polytechnic instead, but I will never know.

As I prepare myself to usher in 2010 (2010 seems so cool, you just have to say twenty-ten), I wonder if it is still needed to come up with a list resolutions. Resolutions are good, but you don't need them to have a good year. I'll just take what comes my way in my stride and make it a good year for myself. If there is any resolution that I want to make for next year, I want it to be a happy and a good year.

:D

Sudder Street, Calcutta

The blackout arrives punctually, bringing to life
the meagre light of so many brief candles.
This is the shrine of suffering's patron saint,
where man's body falls asunder, beseiged walls
crumbling, helpless, as death tunnels underground
with tonnes of dynamite, to blow the body heavenward.

On Sudder Street the same procession of beggars
in inexhaustible variations of deformity and need,
peddlers offering passages to temporary nirvana,
the brown sugar girl and her magic mushrooms.
A human rickshaw canters by, yoked
to the ledger of debts from previous lives.
He is dragging alone, his feet pain-proof,
the sum of things unexplained.
Deserted angels lie sprawled on Sudder Street,
beauty broken in God's terrible neglect.

The hands of this poem are useless stumps.
They cannot even begin to turn the page.
I come from a race that has no word for despair.
My culture is purged of poverty's germs, its language
a propaganda of faith in absolute health.
I even doubt my ABC.

Perhaps I am looking in the wrong archives
for my history, checking the wrong catalogues,
tracing irrelevant titles. Perhaps I should stop
subscribing to foreign publications which inform me
of happenings on the other planets.

On Sudder Street my mind is numb.
My legs are thinking hard. They hold long dialogues
with cul-de-sacs and turn to frail candles
for illumination. I had better decide soon
whether it is health or sickness that I want.

But tonight let me take my place
among the forlorn angels of Sudder Street.

- Boey Kim Cheng

How terrorism has gripped all of us.

As I took a glimpse at today's paper in the morning, I noticed the headlines that read "A Decade of Terrorism".

The first thing that came into my mind was "Man, has it been a decade already?"

Well, it hasn't been a decade yet, but we are close. Its been so long that I've already, like many other people in this world, taken terrorism as a matter of fact in life. In fact, I personally have been so numbed to terrorism that my reaction to the recent news about how Abdul Farouk Abdulmutallab attempted to blow up a US airliner was just simply "oh, another one."

I still remember the night of September 11 2001. I still remember watching the two towers go up in smoke and wondering what had happened. I did not know what the term "terrorists" meant at the mere age of 13, at secondary one. The only kind of terrorists that I knew was the kind that counter-terrorists kill in Counter-Strike.

In the blink of an eye, its already been nearly a decade. The world as we know it is still in a bitter war against terrorism. The war initiated by George W.Bush is still going on in the Middle-East and it does not look like its coming any closer to an end. I, while serving in the army, played roles in combating terrorism as well.

But will the world ever return to the peace that the pre-9/11 era experienced. I know that terrorism existed pre-9/11, but its only after 9/11 that terror really struck the hearts of every single person in this world. That the war against terror was played up, that media put so much focus on terrorism.

Was there no other way to deal with this other than to FIGHT terrorism? When 9/11 happened, Bush presented the world with just 2 grim options: we either fight, or the terrorists will destroy us. And the world, gripped in fear and terror, just simply took it for granted that there were just these 2 options and supported a war that has not yield any results even today, a war that has caused only suffering and pain to innocent people in the affected countries. Terrorism has not dropped any one bit, in fact, more revenge killings occur, more revenge bombings happen with the war in Middle-East as a primary reason. The world only gets more and more chaotic. Things just keep getting messier. It just can't be helped but to wonder if we had actually went the wrong direction in this issue.

Does anyone still bear hope that terrorism will one day be a thing that we won't have to be worried about, that we will not have to be on our toes every single day of our lives, like during the pre-9/11 era?

Even Singapore, with no incidents (or rather no revealed incidents), is kept on its toes every single day. Messages and reminders for us to "Do not leave your belongings unattended, if you see any suspicious article, please inform our staff" become such a commonplace that we treat it as just another message that comes after "Door closing." Such messages did not even exist in the pre-9/11 era and you can already start to imagine how we have accepted terrorism as an inevitable part of life.

One incident of an escaped convict with a limp on his leg got the entire nation in a frenzy. You may say we just do our best to be cautious, but really, the world has been gripped by a kind of terror ever since the two majestic towers fall into a rubble, leaving only dust in its place.

I cannot help but think. How long will this era of terrorism last? Will it ever end? Will my children be able to live in an age whereby there can truly be no wars on Earth, whereby terror does not plague the heart of every single person in the world? Or will the wars ultimately be the downfall of the entire planet, just as so many others have predicted it to be?

I want to optimistic. I want to believe that everything will turn out for the better. I want to believe.

Welcome back from Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

- Emily Perl Kingsley, 1987, "Welcome to Holland"

So you come back from Holland amidst envy for everyone who returns from Italy and talking about Italy. Like, what the heck, Holland wasn't too bad once you removed the lenses of pessimism. But still, its one thing to be optimistic and another thing to engage in self-consolation but still believe deep in your heart that Italy was the place for you to go.

We go to different places for a reason. And once you realised this, you will begin to see how significant it was that Holland was the road less travelled, and that you were one of those who travelled this road.

As you sit at home looking at how the rest brag about their journeys in Italy, you will be able notice something others do not. You will be able to notice the ones who didn't go to Italy, you will be able to notice the ones who did not fit in.

While others are engrossed in their conversations about how beautiful Italy was, you go to the sides of the ones who were left out, and tell them about how beautiful Holland was.

You will help open their eyes to the beauty of their own travels, you will be the one who help remove the lenses of pessimism on their eyes.

You realise that it was of no coincidence that the flight plan was changed. It was for a purpose. Everything is planned. Everything is in control. You landed in Holland and returned thus for a mission.

Not everyone will be able to go to Italy. Many others get their flight plans changed as well. These are the people who need someone by their side. Not the ones from Italy. And you, from Holland, with your experiences, you are the one.

The prologue

Something is happening. On his part, at least.

Everytime their eyes meet, lock, connect, there is this feeling. This feeling that he cannot put any words on. Is it a...

"Connection?" No, it was probably more than that.

"Is it lo-" Oh! He daren't even utter such a sacred word!

What is it then? What is it?

He searches deeper.

There are no words.

There is no need for words.

It is that special.

Today is J's birthday

Today is J's birthday. Well, its not exactly his birthday if you want to be strict about it, its just the day he came down to join us. But still, we celebrate because we love J because of what he did for us when he came down to where we live.

So on this day, as with any other day, I was talking to G. Since it was J's birthday, I decided it would be cool to maybe ponder more about the relationship we share with other.

If you were wondering how, I talk to both G and J at the same time coz they are father and son and they live with this other guy called H. H helps with connecting me to G and J as they live in a place that's rather hard to reach. Its like... they share the same phone, ya?

When we talk, I'll tell G about whats going on in my life, thank him for some things, stuff like that, you know, just catching up. Once in awhile I'll come with a request, or a question I can't answer on my own. Sometimes he answers, sometimes he doesn't. G's like that. Some people say he always answers but you just have to listen hard coz he's a little soft-spoken. They believe that. They tell me to believe that. I tell myself to believe that.

And even when he does answer, its usually through some sort of symbolism, like a passage in the book or an event or a dream. So its really up to interpretation. That's how he works, just got to get used to it. Some say he speaks directly to them, like a voice in the head or the sound of the wind. Again, its hard to know if it was your own thoughts or interpretation. Others tell me I have to believe it is him. I tell others to believe. I tell myself to believe.

Sometimes, he sends someone else to speak in his stead, but again you can never be sure. G is that, elusive? I wonder if elusive is the right word to use.

Despite the fact that I never got to see G and J, I still believe that he is there. Not just there somewhere, but right here. There are times when I am down and I can really FEEL him. There are times when a whole bunch of us talk to him at the same time and we can all FEEL him. Its never a "sight" kind of thing. I tell myself to believe.

So that's G for you. J is his son whom he sent to join us a long long time ago so we can all be saved from something really really horrible. So the plan was this: J would be born as a human, like us, so he can live like us and show he's gone through the same thing so we can really identify with him. And then he also have to die in a way so that he can help save us from something worse than death. Its really a pretty complicated and intricate plan that G thought of.

But he had to show that J is G's son so he won't be treated like any other person. (his mission required abit of attention) So he was born out of a virgin woman and had 3 wise men come visit him after G sent some messengers with the news. But in order not to make it too extravagant, J had to be born in a manger.

And the day that J was sent here, that's today, 25th December. No one can be too sure about the date because no one was there to note it down on a PDA, but it doesn't really matter. Everyone just had to agree on the date and it was good enough.

After J was born, he lived a life like any other person and when he reached 30, set off on the mission he was intended for and finished it. And then he returned to G and all of us are saved from the disaster. The rest is history, well, literally.

Trivia

Here's a fun fact that I didn't know myself, and I found it really interesting!

There's actually an order that we have to place our adjectives if we use more than one adjective before a noun. And the order goes like this:

1. Opinion
2. Size
3. Age
4. Shape
5. Colour
6. Origin
7. Material
8. Purpose

I'm sure most of you didn't know that, eh?

So if I want to describe a baby, I'll have to say, "thats a cute little 2 year old baby!" rather than "thats a 2 year old little cute baby!" The latter does sound a little odd, doesn't it? :D

An Unsent Letter. The Unsung Song.

How much do you know me, really?

You may think you know me. But its probably only one side of me. If you think you know me just because you read my blog, its probably worse.

Who am I, really?

I am multi-faceted. I take on multiple roles. I am not just me.

I am me at school. I am me at church. I am me with friends. I am me with family.

I am green. I am red. I am blue. I am yellow. I am white. I am black. I am every colour you can find.

I am the student. I am the soldier. I am the christian. I am the sportsman. I am the gamer. I am the bookworm. I am the writer. I am everybody.

I am not the student. I am not the soldier. I am not the christian. I am not the sportsman. I am not the gamer. I am not the bookworm. I am not the writer. I am nobody.

I am happy. I am sad. I am frustrated. I am excited. I am all emotions.

I have faith. I have no faith.

I am the follower. I am the rebel.

I love. I hate.

I am the jack of all trades. I am the master of none. I know everything. I know nothing.

I like to sit on the fence. I like to take sides.

Yes, call me a hypocrite, actor, confused, whatever, but who's not? Who's not in this tragicomedy?

I am human.

So, who are you, really? I want to know.

Christmas Bells

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Till, ringing, singing on its way
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime,
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The Carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And in despair I bowed my head;
‘There is no peace on earth,’ I said;
‘For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!’

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
‘God is not dead; nor doth he sleep!
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men!’

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 1864

Its never peace on Earth, its never a perfect and wonderful story in the world around us. Death, diseases, wars, crimes, disasters and corruption plague our world. We can't just turn a blind eye and pretend.

But we have to believe. We have to believe that there will be peace on Earth. We have to believe that it will be a wonderful world. We have to be the light against a backdrop of darkness.

Thats what being Christian is about. The bells will keep ringing. We will keep believing. God will keep working.

FFX-2 Loves

One thing I love about FFX-2 is the fact that everything can be turned into joke, and certainly tickle all the funny bones in me.

I just finished chapter 4 (yes I am rushing through, eager to see how this ends) and I just witnessed probably the funniest of scenes.

Here was Brother (Yuna's secret admirer through the game) pouring his grievances to the Barkeep, a hypello (a rather dull race which everyone looks the same and shpeaks with weird accent) about how he can't seem to get Yuna's heart and blah blah... and then he says they are both born bachelors.

At this point, Barkeep tellsh him to shpeak for himshelf, and appearsh another hypello and they both embrace and kissh!

Hypellosh embracing and kisshing one another! I totally didn't see that coming. :D

Okay, maybe its just me.

The Gray

I've been feeling like a rebel these days, constantly thinking about stuff that would put prompt the pastors to invite me for coffee after church. And I can't explain these feelings. Is it because I am too free, too idle, too much time to let my thoughts wander when I stare at the white and blue above me? I do not know. But I'm certainly not becoming the christian that a christian should be. Maybe I was never meant to be. I remember I was so excited to join a ministry, waiting for THE calling, but got none. I gave up eventually. Maybe He knew better. Maybe He knew it was going to come down to this. Could this be the start of my backslide? Worse, could this be the start of my christian rebellion?

Before I carry on any further, here's a little DISCLAIMER. What is going to unfold in this post can be VERY STUMBLING depending on how you choose to intepret it. If you think you can't handle the heat, CLOSE THE PAGE NOW.

Black 'n' White Christmas is happening in a week's time, and I've been thinking about black and white, and gray.

I always have a fascination for hero-villains, because they really represent the reality of our being. No one is really pure good nor pure evil (reason why I get turned off by Superman and not Batman), and if you expound on this in greater depth, good and evil are merely perceptions based on concepts developed by the people within and without. Everybody really is gray, if you want to put a colour to them.

Only recently, I was introduced to the greatest hero-villain of all, the devil Satan himself in Paradise Lost by John Milton. In the first Canto, Satan was banished from Heaven because of his sins, everyone knows this. But the Canto's protagonist, the hero is Satan, rather than God. And in this Canto, Satan and his minions tries to reason, and tries to rebuild their lives while in Hell. The story itself has its own significance, but what really strikes me is the fact Satan is the hero, or rather, hero-villain as later Cantos develop.

Paradise Lost was commented on by a couple of writers. William Blake claimed that John Milton was sympathetic towards Satan and thus making a Satan sympathiser. But really, is everything that black and white as the Bible tries to tell us? That there are only 2 sides. That God is good, Satan is evil, God is here to save you from Satan, Satan is here to harm you, period.

Sometimes I wonder, is Satan really all that evil? Could what he is doing merely be a reaction towards what God has done to him? Could Satan simply be the one that just "had to take the blame"?

I do not know what really happened on the cosmic level. I do not have the capacity to know. And I do not want to comment or even attempt to comment on such things before people start calling me blasphemous and start hurling rocks at me (or their own computer screens when reading this). But I know what is going on at our mortal level. I know that if someone has been doing bad stuff, it is Satan who caused him to do it, and if someone is doing good stuff, God must have been guiding him. You can choose to believe that, but I just feel that things are actually really gray.

Welcome back to the world of "perception". You see, what we know as "good" and "evil" is really dependent on how we perceive good and evil. For example, if I've been brought up in an environment whereby people believe that stealing is a good thing, I might just believe that stealing is a good thing, and not a bad thing as how the society might see it. Its a silly example, but its straightforward. Even in real life, it is easy to see how perceptions work to cause different beliefs in people. Ever wondered why no one in North Korea is revolting against communism despite of how almost the entire world is pointing fingers at its policies? In the film "The Village", different rules define whats good and whats sin and these rules differ from our society. Novel by Sheri Reynolds, The Rapture of Canaan, preaches the exact same thing when the simple cutting of hair or wearing of pants was considered sin and yet they naively encourages boys and girls to pray together privately, leading up to erhem... you know. (and for your information, this novel opened my eyes to how screwed up religion could become)

That said, its probably impossible to start and define what is wrong and what is right, what is black and what is white. Thats simply because these things can never come under any definition. These things are subjective. Are you going to use laws to define them? But gay marriage could be illegal one day and legal the next! Nothing is set, and we shouldn't begin to start the finger pointing when someone "sins". Do we know why they did it? Do we know how they were brought up? Do we know if it was REALLY their fault? Do we know if they knew it was wrong to do it?

When you really want to think about it, have you ever wondered why everything in the Bible is written from God's, from prophets' and from apostles' points of view? How has it affected our own perception? Of course I am not asking you to abandon the Bible and your faith, but its just really a point for one to ponder. When you think it through, it could very well strengthen your faith and provides you a deeper understanding of your own faith in God!

But of course, I am not an advocate of the devil now nor am I condoning crimes and sins, lies and murders, theft and what not you've got on your "do not try" list. These things are bad, yes, they harm others. But as the Jesus famously puts it, take the plank from your own eye before you remove the speck from other's. Do you not lie, murder (Jesus says you've done it in your head) or steal from people? But OF COURSE you have a reason, you've got an explanation, you've got a bid for forgiveness, you've got your perception to consider. How about the one you are pointing your finger at, then? Aren't we all as gray as we can be?

What's wrong?

If you thought that the hot-spring scene in FFX-2 was pretty "wrong", think again.

I didn't expect it, but the massage scene definitely wins the "most wrong scene in FFX-2" award.

Imagine the horror when my TV went "ooooh...", "aahhhh....", "yesss... yess...", "you're so goood..." (all in this lusty voice)

This prompted my mom to come into my room and ask, "what are you doing?"

The scene of scantily dressed lady lying on a couch with someone on top of her totally didn't help.

Lets talk about... religion

Oooh, religion, the sensitive taboo topic avoided by most people and one that is regulated by OB markers set by the government on media. But I hope I won't be transgressing any of these rules as I give my take on religion. Religion, not just Christianity.

What is "The Truth"? Is there even something such as "The Truth"? Is it just a matter of perception? Why do we believe? I will be treading on thin ice here.

Lets talk about Christianity first. As most would know, I have been a christian for as long as I can remember. I did slack off from church for a couple of years but I was still christian and still attends cell. However, I'm not exactly the type that really buys everything the church says. I have my set of beliefs and way to serve and know God and sometimes they don't exactly coincide with what the church tries to promote.

One of these is ministry. What exactly is ministry? To me, I simply believe that its service to God. However, the church does seem to give a slighty different definition to that. The church probably defines ministry as "recognizable" service to God. That is to say, your service must be one that can be seen, can be recognized, can be acknowledged or it will not be considered as ministry. And these will include, ushers, traffic marshallers, leaders, musicians etc etc.

It may seem to be very inclusive, being such an extensive group and all, but it really is not. How about the faithful members? Those who simply serve God in their own little ways? Helping out at events, encouraging fellow christians, and most importantly, living a life that reflects Christ? Must you be a leader to serve God? Must you be a musician to serve God? I sometimes do find this policy a little flawed.

As you might have guessed, I am not in a ministry and this means that sometimes I will be left out from certain events in the church. It used to be the Tuesday prayer meeting, as if only people in ministries are allowed to pray, but they changed that. And now its the Konquerors conference, which they say its "exclusively inclusive of all who are in any form of local ministry" and I'm sure they don't mean the "unseen" ministry of faithful members. And they think its funny and witty to use "exclusively inclusive". Since when is the church meant to be exclusive?

You may ask me, "why are you still serving in church then?" Well, thats because I'm not exactly affected by these politics. I serve God the way I do and I enjoy it. I enjoy helping out where I can, I enjoy meeting new people and helping them when they need help, I enjoy worshipping God together with others.

Then why do I write about it? Its not exactly to complain, but rather, to show that not everything is set in stone, perfect, the one TRUTH that is to be beheld. That the church has its own little flaws as well, fallible and open to criticisms. Although God is perfect, I have to admit that Christianity sometimes isn't.

So, if Christianity is flawed and fallible? What then is THE TRUTH that everybody is seeking? I shall introduce here what is termed as "perception".

Perception is the way you see things. It is affected by yourself, your experiences, your knowledge, the people around you and your surroundings. Simply put, its your point of view. So if you are raised a muslim, you will believe very firmly that Islam provides THE TRUTH. If you are buddhist, you will believe that Buddhism is THE TRUTH. If you are hindu, you will believe HINDUISM contains THE TRUTH. And christians will of course believe that Christianity is THE TRUTH.

I am sometimes really thankful for the fact that I am living in Singapore, a place where I can witness first-hand the fervency and faithfulness of other religious people that might even throw my own into question. If I was in a christian dominant country such as the United States, it is of course easy to say that Christianity is the ONLY truth and get away with it. But in Singapore, you really need to put alot more thought into that.

If you look at it this way, there probably isn't any TRUTH going around. A will say B is not the truth, B will say C is not the truth, C will say A is not the truth. Its like a scissors-paper-stone game, endless and inconclusive.

If thats the case, if religions simply do not provide the truth but merely perceptions, should we all become atheists and believe that there is no such thing as the truth? I do not think so. Simply because I still believe that THE TRUTH exists.

What then is, THE TRUTH? It is something that we can never grasp but something that we can only BELIEVE in. Simply put, THE TRUTH is really that which we believe in. The truth is where our beliefs are.

How then do you reconcile the different truths going around because of different beliefs and religions? There is no reconciling. One belief is no more truer than the other. How true your belief is really depends on how much you believe in. Religion is not the truth, religion guides you to it.

That said, how do you evangelise? I believe that you do not evangelise with truth. That is to say, you do not go around and try to convince and reason and argue your truth to others. You live it out, you let your beliefs show in your life and lead others to believe with you and then they can find the truth for themselves.

I cannot begin to explain the logic behind the truth or even try to prove the existence of this truth. It is beyond me. Fallible, yes, because I am merely a human trying to understand a concept greater than I. What is fallible is not the truth, is not God, but is the one that tries to explain it.

But I can only offer this, that the truth is simply what you believe.

Here's an Ichigo moment

Just finished 248 and Ichigo has done it again. Here's an Ichigo moment for you.



"It attacked me!"

Like, DUH? What were you expecting?

GIRL POWER!

Well, I got started on FFX-2, should I say 'finally'?

I made a real stupid mistake that caused me 5 hours of my life though. After 5 hours into the game and clearing Chapter 1, I recalled that I need 100% completion of sidequests and main story and mini-drama and what not in order to get Tidus to come back to Spira. (yes, I still want him back)

So well, I decided to go online to check out if I was on track still, and alas, I was not. I completely missed out ALL the side quests on Chapter 1 and apparently, once you missed it, you missed it. The game is that merciless and does not let me do Chapter 1 sidequests on Chapter 2.

In the spirit of wanting to get that Tidus idiot back and letting my characters have an easier time by levelling them up early in the game (my original attempt was rather difficult with them dying quickly) and to have a more fulfilling gaming experience, I decided to... yes, replay the game.

The game feels alot like a combination of Final Fantasy Tactics (with the Job system) + Sailormoon (with girl power and costume changing sequence) + Final Fantasy X (well, obviously).

And I see Shinra. I think this is the first time I see Shinra other than from FFVII. And he's this smart kid that is really good with machinery. Maybe he founded Shinra Electric.

Well, I guess its time for the girls to run the show now then. "We are Y.R.P!"

Really, so much have changed. Zarnakand, the people, their attitudes, Spira itself. And I have control of an airship right at the start. I don't know what to say.

Its 1/8 done.

Yeah to me.

My exams are finally over. I feel... light.

Its my 1st time taking exams in university and I must say, its been rather difficult. I do not know if its because its been too long since I last had any academic exams, or if its just because university exams are just different from 'A' levels and 'O' levels. I just didn't know how to go about preparing for them.

In the end, after asking a few friends and looking at the scope of the exams, I did find out and defined my own method of studying. I must admit though, it wasn't easy.

For the papers itself, I have to say that its definitely manageable. But I cannot grasp even the slightest hint of how well I am going to do, because all the questions are so general and subjective, with lit being lit. So don't ask me. I am not thinking about it anyway.

Okay, enough about that. But I must mention that I went for sushi buffet today to celebrate. :D

I was reading my archives, those first few posts in my blog (yes my own archives, call me narcissist) and I really enjoyed them. Haha. *ALERT - Self-praise happening* I felt that my writing style was really cute, despite of some funny grammar and lack of paragraphing. More importantly, I really liked my own content. Its so different from what I am writing now. Something's changed in me over the past 5 years and its all recorded on this blog. Isn't that amazing? Oh my. I shall entertain myself with what I wrote for the next few days.

On a side note, I feel extremely proud that I mentioned Sigmund Freud in my paper today even though I didn't study him! That would give the examiner the illusion that I have such overflowing knowledge that I can use something that is not covered. But the fact remains that I studied him in JC. :P

And... oh yeah! Its 1/8 of my university done! That's one-eighth. Is that how you write it in english? I think so.

I am currently considering if I should switch anime or follow another manga/anime because Bleach is getting really stupid. Am considering Naruto but, geez, I am soooooooooooooooooooooo faaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrr behind if I just start now. Maybe I should just go read its manga. Heard that Naruto's anime is 2/3 fillers. -_-"

Anyway, Bleach 247 just showed that Ichigo's power ranges from Getsuga Tenshou to Ultimate Getsuga Tenshou.

"He's been waiting for..." "Ichigo-kun's ultimate attack..." "GETSUGA TENSHOU!"

*bangs head on wall*

Am going to return the FFXII but then... what am I going to play?!?! Maybe FFX-2, or Kingdom Hearts, or FFVII (if I can find a PS1 Memory Card or get my PS1 back), or FFIX. Or maybe, just maybe, I might buy myself a PS3 for Christmas and then play... hur hur. :P

Pre-recorded

I discovered today that only NTU has the practice of pre-recording the examination instructions such as "You may start writing", or "Please stop writing, or "You may leave the hall now". Both SMU and NUS still use the live human voice.

Don't know why examiners can get so lazy. Even such things also want to pre-record. So you end up hearing the same guy, saying the same thing, at the same tone, with the same pitch, at the same speed. Makes everything so... sian, not that exams are not sian enough.

I was thinking of using the word 'boring', but there's something in the word 'sian' that 'boring' doesn't have. This sian-ness.

And then the examiners can still mess it up by playing the wrong voice recording. There was one exam when he played "You may leave the hall now" before the exam even began. Then he hurriedly rushed to the mic and say "Sorry sorry! You may not leave the hall yet!"

Haha, we laughed. I'm not sure if we laughed at the recording or we laughed at him.

Oh Bleach... Oh Ichigo...

I am getting a little sick of the disillusions that Bleach offers, especially through Ichigo.

No, you don't solve ALL your problems with Bankai. Real life doesn't work this way for goodness sake.

Oh, I got trapped. Bankai. Oh, I got chained up by some Kidou or weapon. Bankai. Oh, I got covered in sakura blade petals. Bankai. Oh, the enemy appeared (I'm not even saying they got into resurrection mode). Bankai. Oh, there's too many hollows. Bankai.

C'mon, Bankai is not the "solve-it-all" button, Ichigo. Get a little more creative than that, please. Your "Bankai + Getsuga Tenshou" move is getting too over-used already. I'm surprised that the enemies still fall for that kind of crap.

And whats with running around Hueco Mundo in a permanent Bankai mode? What are you trying to prove? And then you still get trashed.

I still remember the first time you opened your Bankai, Ichigo. I really loved it. It was AWESOME. But now... your Bankai is becoming like a Shikai, you know?

Its finally over... for now

Imagine the horror in my heart when I woke up this morning with the sun shining into my face. My paper was at 9am. I quickly fumbled around my pillows for my phone/alarm clock, praying real hard that I've not missed the divine hour.

"8.10AM"

Woh, I really thank God from my bed and jumped to my feet and quickly got ready for school. Somehow, I believe, I must have missed the ringing of the alarm or unconciously turned it off. Studying till 4am the night before knowing that you need to wake up at 6.30am is definitely not a very good idea.

Regardless, I got out of my house, went onto the main road and, lo and behold there's a cab coming right at me. God is really wonderful.

And its good that NTU is only 10 minutes away on the expressway, instead of the 1 hour journey on public transport. :D

Well, I am glad the 4 days exams marathon is finally over, leaving only 1 stray paper to finish next week.

I don't think I did really well though. Politics was pretty alright as chapters were spotted correctly, had to smoke through a question in communications, both literature papers feel a little risky, I think I bombed some questions.

Besides, I got back most of my term papers and ALL of them stared at me with a B+. A variation of problems such as form, presentation, source engagement and in-depth analysis plague all of them and I can only wonder where to start on correcting them.

Kind of a sucky feeling. I started off with such high hopes and I REALLY REALLY aimed and REALLY tried for that GPA of 4.0 and higher just so I can qualify for double majors. And now all these realities just seem to be setting down on me. Just what is wrong?

But then again, realities and its disappointments shouldn't stop us from setting our aims high. Man would never have landed on the moon if they believed that gravity was simply impossible to beat.

To end, I discovered today that the phrase "Please stop writing" has very weird effects on me. Its this feeling of happiness (that the paper is over and you can rest your hand) and this feeling of dread (that you might have missed something out or bombed a question).

Relive

Today I received a mailer from the green men. And it reads:

Are you still searching for a higher purpose? Do you miss being in a position where you can nurture and influence the lives of men under your charge? Do you want to leave the humdrum of society and be able to make a difference again?

Many of us truly appreciate the promise and romance of the Army only when it has become treasured memories. An Army career begets excitement and real challenges. It embodies pure leadership and management. Yet, it also provides opportunities - for further education, varying roles and appointments - to try on activities that you can only dream of doing, and more.

Relive your memorable experiences. Add on to it. Your gateway to a fulfilling and meaningful career has been opened to you once again.

I think some of them green people has been reading my blog.

But, no thanks.

And what romance is there in the Army... (sounds superbly, completely, badly, totally wrong)

And... 2 more papers.

Go. Go.

Star Gazing

Things you see when you go star-gazing at 5am:

1. Lots of aunties and uncles doing their jog/walk.

2. People going for work. (reminds me of army days)

3. Weird guy doing a "jog-on-the-spot" on a patch of grass.

4. Kay-Poh guy wondering why I was staring up the sky and stares with me as well.

5. 3 shooting stars

Didn't really get to see much of a shower, but 3 is pretty good considering the fact that I was at the park connector below my block. I'm a happy man. :D

I wasted all my 3 wishes though. Because all of them went "I wish I can see another shooting star."

Came back home to find a shocked dad who went to wake mum up and say that I just got back at 6.30am.

Mum's reaction: "HUH??"

Singapore Inter-University Mugging Conference starts on good note

SINGAPORE: Its time to get into some serious mugging at the Singapore Inter-University Mugging Conference as the event kicks off today, lasting till the end of the week.

The Singapore Inter-University Mugging Conference started today on a good note, with issues such as economics, communications, and Chess and Hearts strategies being discussed.

The event, hosted by Singapore Management University, seeks to discuss various topics and issues by bringing together representatives of the three main universities in Singapore - Singapore Management University (SMU), National University of Singapore (NUS), and Nanyang Technological University (NTU).

In order to prepare for this high profile event, Group Study Rooms and benches were booked to allow the delegates some space and privacy to engage in the discussions. Security guards were also reminded to keep the delegates safe by patrolling the area and checking on the meeting venues after 10pm.

As a start to the conference, the delegates were treated to a spicy BBQ stingray dinner, a delicacy enjoyed by many people all over Singapore.

After the scrumptious dinner, the conference began with a discussion on the latest economic formulaes by the host delegates from SMU. The delegate from NTU then introduced certain Communication theories that could be relevant to the current social dynamics. This was followed by NUS's delegate's keynote address on the Korean gaming industry and how it affects communication and new media today. As a wrap up to today's conference, delegate from NUS introduced the latest strategies and theories to handle the problems faced at playing Chess and Hearts.

The conference will meet again later this week to discuss more issues as a preparation for the Final Exams happening in a week's time.

- Jellydrink

When Death comes stealing again

Its heartbreaking to hear news of death. Especially when its someone you know. Especially when its your friend. Especially when you are of the same age.

What is the worth of a life, however short it might be?

It's worth cannot be measured. And I'm not talking about the Christian values on "souls" and what not. Lets just leave that aside for now. There's more to Heaven and Hell when someone dies.

When someone dies, its not just "another dead guy". Its not just "Oh, he's in Heaven", or "He's in Hell" (although no one says such things). It's about the impact he made around him, the people he loved and loved him, the things he did and the things he could do.

Yes, he is not famous. He has not invented anything that is of great contribution to mankind. He is not your usual "great men".

But he's somebody's son. He's somebody's boyfriend. He's somebody's friend. He's somebody's buddy. He's somebody's somebody.

He shared happy times with us. He shared hard times with us. He shared jokes. He brought us laughter. He was as alive as anyone else could be.

And the most heartbreaking thing is the fact there's still so much left for him to do, but he's no longer here to do them.

Rest in peace, my friend. Its been great having you around.

I watched a movie today.

From Dead Poets Society, 1989 film written by Tom Schulman

"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer: That you are here; that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?" - John Keating

"I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life... to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." - Neil Perry. Original quote from Henry David Thoreau's Walden

"Sometimes the most beautiful poetry can be about simple things, like a cat or a flower or rain. Poetry can come from anything with the stuff of revelation in it. Just don't let your poems be ordinary." - John Keating

On bad handwriting, fan ti, jian ti, MSN and racial harmony

I don't remember when was the last time I wrote any chinese character. And now I am writing them on MSN, trying to help a malay friend with his chinese assignment. Yeah to bad handwriting, forgetting some words, remembering some, malay guy writing the complicated style (fan ti) and me writing the simple style (jian ti) and racial harmony.

I don't want to number my posts anymore.

As usual, when I finish one essay, I like to blog.

So, yes I finally completed my politics term paper. I can't say its a very fantastic paper but I guess I am quite satisfied with it. In fact, I do not know if the essay came to a conclusion on its own or if I forced it to conclude because it is due in... 8 hours time.

Politics is pretty difficult to write, especially when you are trying to write about ONE aspect of it. As you write on one aspect, another one comes into mind and it just links and links and links and the whole essay becomes crazily clustered and clumsy. Besides that, you are never sure if you hit the nail right where it should be and you tell yourself, "maybe I need to write about this, and that, and this, and..." and by the time you write all that, you've probably strayed off your main thesis. I needed to reorganise my essay after I wrote it because it was in such a complete mess. But still nonetheless, I really thank God I finished it.

An "uncle" incident happened again yesterday.

I got into the lift to go to school and there was this mother/grandma/guardian with a little toddler.

"UNCLE!"

I was taken aback, but managed a smile anyway.

*in chinese* "He's not uncle lah, is KOR KOR. Is KOR KOR, okay?" *laughs politely*

*I managed to produce a smile*

At least the mother/grandma/guardian engaged in some sort of damage control.

And yeah, my laptop is running Windows 7! :D :D No big deal actually. It looks very much like Vista and isn't anymore convenient or user-friendly. Things do run a little faster now, but my battery life bleeds like free.

Okay, I want to sleep already.

Oh ya, I feel good about the comms studies test this morning. :D Staying up till 4am to study turns out to be pretty good decision!

Post no. 281

I know I should be doing my papers, but I DON'T WANT TO DO THEM!! Give me a break, I want to blog once in awhile as well.

I was listening to my dad singing on karaoke and was wondering what those lyrics in hokkien mean. Surely they must mean something because it just so happens to be the no.1 song for all uncles to sing (ask your dad if you don't believe me). So, I took the trouble to go online, found the lyrics in chinese (I can still read chinese! A little) and translated it into english so I can understand.

Here's what I produced :D Well, song first.



Song: I ASK SKY

Wind very angry, Rain also very angry
Angry that I got no courage~~
Love also gone, ?????
Think you think you don't know got what meaning
The four worlds listen, ?? got your information
My feelings and you tie till die die!!

I ASK SKY! I ASK SKY! ??????
To love you again, is like torture myself
I ASK SKY! I ASK SKY! ??????
Feel like forgetting quickly, somehow I got drunk for ten years
The rain outside the window, can say is men's tears
Don't want to face the reality and got drunk in dreams for ten years

~DRAMATIC MUSIC~

Wind very angry, Rain also very angry
Angry that I got no courage~~
Love also gone, ?????
Think you think you don't know got what meaning
The four worlds listen, ?? got your information
My feelings and you tie till die die!!

I ASK SKY! I ASK SKY! ??????
To love you again, is like torture myself
I ASK SKY! I ASK SKY! ??????
Feel like forgetting quickly, somehow I got drunk for ten years
The rain outside the window, can say is men's tears
Don't want to face the reality and got drunk in dreams for ten years

I ASK SKY! I ASK SKY! ??????
To love you again, is like torture myself
I ASK SKY! I ASK SKY! ??????
Feel like forgetting quickly, somehow I got drunk for ten years
The rain outside the window, can say is men's tears
Don't want to face the reality and got drunk in dreams for ten years

*END*

Post No. 280

Hey er... just wanna let everybody know that I am still alive... ack, what I am saying.

Well, I just completed my essay and thought its a good time to blog a little... considering that I do not know when exactly I will be able to blog next.

I feel very encouraged and at the same time disappointed when I received the results of my first graded assignment. Its just a little writing (nothing near being an essay) for my writing class, and I got an A-. That's the encouraging part. The disappointing part is this: I missed out on the A because of.... GRAMMATICAL ERRORS! Vomit blood. How could I still make grammatical mistakes at this level... why I was using inconsistent tenses, I do not know.

Anyway, I was... I would say irritated, irked, annoyed by someone (that I do not know) while I was going home this evening. This is what happened:

I reached the station, stood at the exit and prepared to get out of the train. As the door opened, there was this woman who stood in my way (I mean, this is something I see almost all the time, considering we are in Singapore).

And guess what?

She said "EXCUSE ME", and in an irritated tone somemore.

GRRRRR! EXCUSE ME?? Well, EXCUSE ME, woman, you are the one blocking MY way. Which part of "Please allow passengers to ALIGHT BEFORE BOARDING" do you not understand? Do you not understand what those lines and arrows in yellow on the floor mean???

EXCUSE ME??

I'm afraid Singaporean's courtesy level has reached a new low...

.... I should get some sleep now.

Post No. 279

I love what I found today. You may find the full article at here.

If Prince Hamlet came back from the dead, would his indecision be meaningful? If King Lear recovered, would we learn from his folly? And if Aerith were disinterred mere hours after her death, would her sacrifice have any importance? Square should be honored that the death of a character brings about this outcry. It is touching testament to the games' power: the characters are truly loved. And grief is a natural reaction to the death of a loved one. As is denial. Now, Square fans must proceed to the next stage: acceptance.

Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sun on ripened grain. I am the soothing, gentle rain.
When you awake in morning hush, I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry. I am not there. I did not die.
- Anonymous

Post No. 278 (I'll praise You in this storm)

Went to polyclinic this afternoon and was declared "all clear", just that the swelling will take a couple of weeks to go away.

The injury to my lips made it difficult for me to speak, with it being swollen and all. So I didn't really talk much since the accident yesterday.

I went to prayer community in the evening and found it really difficult to worship due to the swollen lips. And then, God spoke to my heart.

Many a times, we face certain setbacks and difficulties and find it hard to worship God. I'm not speaking physically (which is so in my case), but mentally and spiritually as well. I mean, its only logical isn't it? What praises can we bring when things are not going so well?

But hold on a minute here. We are missing the point. We are not praising God for the sake of praising God. Not because we are happy or because things are going real smoothly for us. We are praising because HE IS GOD.

By refusing to praise God in our difficulties, we are not seeing the fact that God is actually sovereign over our trials. This means that God is in control of our trials. Remember how everytime Satan wanted to test Job, he had to go through God first? And God also makes sure that no trials is greater than that which we can bear. Whenever there's a trial, it is surely one that we can overcome, and in overcoming, strengthen our faith.

1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will provide a way out, so that you can stand up under it."

Then you may ask, "if God is in control of our trials, why does He make us go through these trials and make us suffer?"

Well, there's a reason for everything God does. Its not just to make you suffer for no reason. God is not some sadistic person who rejoices in seeing His creation suffer. God loves us and what He does is for a purpose. I mentioned it earlier, it is to strengthen and validate our faith.

1 Peter 1:7 "These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed."

No matter how hard our trials are, no matter how difficult life has become for us, know that God is in control and He is with us always. We can always look to Him for the support and comfort we need, wherever, whenever.

Matthew 28:20B "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

So during worship today, I told God, "Its really difficult, God. Really difficult. I'm in no mood and my lips aren't helping much."

And He spoke to my heart, "Its alright. Its alright. I'm right here. I'm right here with you."

I worshipped. I praised. I wept.

Post No. 277

This is officially the 3rd time I have escaped from the clutches of death. All incidents having to do with cars. (its probably not good for me to get a class 3 licence at this rate)

It happened just 4 hours ago.

Its sickening. Sickening sickening sickening. Sickening to think that just before it happened, everybody was so carefree and relaxed and cheerful, having just completed a morning of training. I wish I knew. I so very wish I knew.

The right turn, someone mentioned there was a vehicle coming from the left side, I turned to see it coming right at us, I prayed it would miss us somehow, everything seemed to slow down around me, I looked as the vehicle slowly came into contact to my left side, "BANG!", the car tilted to the right and slammed back to the ground again, I went into a daze (the type whereby everything goes white around you and you hear this ringing sound in your ear), snapped out of it, things started to happen at normal speed again, picked up my spectacles, saw my friend unconcious, slapped her, still unconcious, "oh crap crap crap crap", I got myself out of the car and realised I would have been dead if not for God's blessing.

I injured my lips and got some bruises, some went into a shock and sat in the car in a daze, and one friend got seriously injured (if you are reading this, please do pray for her). I called the ambulance and it felt forever before it came (it took only 10 minutes though).

I do not know what else to say. Everything felt so surreal. I am wishing it was a dream, a bad bad dream. I am wishing that I would wake up and realise its Monday 6am, and I would start to prepare myself to go training and I would remind the driver to take another route for lunch after training.

This is when one really wished he has a time travelling machine.

I know, I have to snap out of it. But it completely spoiled my mood for the day, not to mention the fact that I can't bring myself to start on my essays in this situation.

I have decided to bring my laptop to the HP service centre later. The 4 phone calls I had with 4 different indians from the HP help line did not help abit.

Post No. 276

"I have to get some sleep, I have to blog." I told myself to achieve these 2 today when I woke up for church this morning. And I did both.

Its the half way mark of the semester and I am really feeling the brunt from university. Mid-terms are over and things are only getting tougher.

What started off as a really relaxing term became increasingly difficult as weeks keep passing, readings start piling and assignments start streaming in. I'm still getting used to the system here, even though I am glad to say I no longer get lost in school anymore.

It's a system that places almost all responsibility of learning on the individual. And that I really need getting used to. YOU are the one who has to print your lecture notes and take down what the lecturer said. YOU are the one who have to kick off the discussion during tutorials, and if you don't, nothing is going to happen. YOU are the one who have to finish all your readings before class because the lecturer/tutor is not going to bother summarising the reading for you. YOU are the one who have to prepare yourself for your exams because there is not going to be tests or quizes or homework or anything of that sort, you go straight into your mid-term/term paper/assignments/exam and these are going to directly affect your grade (you don't have the time for ineffectual homework anyway).

But enough of school, now that recess week is here. I really appreciate it, this recess. There's reason why its not called a holiday (although technically it is). It's because, I'm sure every undergraduate knows, its a week whereby you (and you know you have to) catch up with all your readings and complete your assignments before the term resumes. And if you don't, you are going to have alot on your hands during the second half.

And that's what I am going to do. I am going to make sure I finish writing my lit essays, do up the draft for my politics term paper, do that twitter assignment and complete the readings for the start of school. While doing these, canoe training would also become more intensive. However, I am still not giving up hope that I will get to watch a movie (hopefully Time Traveller's Wife) or go out for a nice meal with friends. I am hopeful, I have to be.

BIG Create is over and I am glad I took a little breather from church activities in the light of heavy workload and the mid term. Despite the lack of much victory for my region's side, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. However, it won't be long before I get myself involved again.

My region is not doing well. I have to admit it. Things are not going effectively and I am not helping by folding my arms while standing on the sidelines. I had my reservations at first. I had issues with certain leaders whose lack of enthusiasm really affected me. Its disappointing sometimes, to see your region leaders treat their ministry so lightly and placing their priorities in the wrong places. I am not referring to everybody of course, just a few. Yes, its a personal issue and I have to get over it. And I promise I will.

Super Ocean Leagues closed just yesterday and I am glad my team finally won something. It was certainly a tight match at the volleyball men's finals against region D what with the score being at 25 - 20s for all 4 sets. Its been some time since I've been going for one of those 'voucher buffets' and I'm happy I'll be going for one.

I watched the Singapore Formula 1 Grand Prix 2009 on TV only just now and it brought back many memories from last year's race when I was there. I still remember waking up early to prepare ourselves and then going to the site, do our rehearsals and do our 'pseudo-patrols' just so we can get the chance to walk around and even watch the race from the grand stands. It was fun shopping even at those outrageously expensive stores that sell F1 t-shirts and souveniors, of which I spent at least $100 on. It was simply amazing to enjoy the sights and sounds of the carnival like a tourist even though we were there to do a job.

My dreams. I have been dreaming alot these days. I wish I could fulfil those dreams and I want to. But with the way things are right now, how am I going to ever start on them? I wish I had an answer. There are just simply so many uncertainties that every possible step is filled with doubts and questions. Actually, there is only one question (it goes like "To be or not to be", bah), and this question I dare not ask. I dare not risk destroying something wonderful for something that might be more beautiful. Oh, the dilemma!

Oh how I wish there was some sort of divine revelation for me. Like a booming voice from heaven that says "go for it!". Yet, I know its not going to be like that.

I contradict myself, I know I do.

Post No. 275

You reach the dead end, the cliff's edge. You spent everything in you. You find that you have run out of options. No where else to go, the situation seem hopeless. And then you hold on to that thin thread of faith, and step over the cliff's edge, the void, the unknown, the intangible. That's when you realise you have stepped right into a miracle.

Post No. 274

I went to the Army Open House 2009 and I truly enjoyed myself.

Tried to ask for at least 1 more person to come with me as I won myself a pair of tickets to ride the chinook but to no avail. Everybody was either too busy, simply not interested or just couldn't be bothered. Some even doubted that the chinook ride would be in the air, that it was just a stationary tour in the chinook on land. -_-"

Regardless, I went by myself anyway. Met up with some old friends from the unit and took some time to tour around as well. There was really ALOT to see and ALOT to do. The whole open house was so big that I couldn't visit all the areas. But I enjoyed myself nonetheless.

Chinook ride was superb. It was a first for me and I really loved it. As we approach the chinook, you can really feel the downwash (wind coming down from the helicopter's blades) and the heat from the exhaust. And then when it takes off, well, it was exhilarating. You can feel the chinook's every turn and rise and fall. Simply amazing. Putting it in words is simply doing the experience injustice, and I shall not try any further.

After the ride, I went on to visit the other exhibits. Met up with more old friends from the unit and messed around here and there. I asked alot ALOT of questions, like I'm some sort of tourist. I tried everything I could try and took pictures of almost everything I saw. I even tried the combat rations! Yes, I know its horrible. But the open house played a cheat. They went to heat up the rations and it turned out pretty nice. NOTE: WE DO NOT HAVE A CHANCE TO HEAT RATIONS WHEN IN JUNGLE. DO NOT BE TRICKED!

And then as I was touring some exhibits concerning BMT and asking some questions, the corporal asked me

"When are you going to enlist in the army?"

*Shocked* "Er? Er... soon.. soon...."

This became the joke of the day. A NSF Corporal asked a NSman 2nd Sergeant when he is going to enlist. But I shall not blame him, I did not wear my uniform, and most importantly, I look YOUNG! *maniacal laughter*

Oh, but I couldn't find the bomb disposal game! Doesn't matter.

Happy day :D :D

Post No. 273

God is humorous. I asked for something BIG to happen and I got recalled back to the army for a briefing.

Speaking of army, I am planning on going to the Army Open House 2009!!

Well, yes, I do miss the army a little, despite of all my complaints and whines about it. I miss the action, I miss the fact that I am doing stuff that not many people get to do. I miss all the gadgets and state-of-the-art technology. I miss the excitement one gets when something really HAPPEN.

Its quite exciting, really. It just becomes not so exciting when you have to go for a briefing on a school day, missing a lecture, 4 days before your examinations.

I just read Bryan's blog and realised he actually played a bomb disposal game in the Army Open House. I also want to play the bomb disposal game! I want to win a goodie bag too. :D :D

Post No. 272

2 different videos, from 2 different parts of the world, talking about the same issue.

Sometimes, in our fast paced and busy life, we might have forgotten how much our parents have done for us. Being caught up in our own successes, we feel that our parents just cannot keep up and we go on ahead, leaving them behind. But we never realise, our parents do not have to keep up. It is us who should keep them in mind and bring them along.

They have brought us up from when we were born, dependent and crawling, to become what we are today, independent and successful. Its not just a matter of days, or even months. Not even years. Its a matter of decades after decades before we can stand for ourselves. And yet, all these times, though we may have caused them to suffer or be in distress, they have not asked for anything in return. Isn't it only the right thing to do, to appreciate, if not repay this love and hard work put into us?

The love that our parents showed and still showing us is second only to God's.

Post No. 271

The problem with time travelling is, if you let everybody travel back in time so they can correct mistakes and live their life with no regret or failure, you'll find that there'll be no more old people in the world.

Post No. 270

The week seemed longer than it was just a few weeks ago.

Maybe time has slowed itself down in my world, or maybe its something else. Maybe its the routine. Maybe its the reading. Maybe its the training. Maybe its just me.

Routine. I don't like routines. In fact, I abhor it. I hate it to the max. But still, I embrace it. I stick on to it like its the love of my life. Church, reading, studying, training. Its like an endless cycle. Yet, without routine, what else do I have? What can I do? A hamster on a treadmill, that's what I am. People say, "you are just doing the same thing again and again!" and I say, "you got a better plan?"

I wish someone would just call me while I am going home from school, or while I am reading a text and say, "Hey, lets go to a movie!" or "Have you eaten? Lets have dinner together!" Maybe its not that. Maybe I want something BIG, something to just really rock my life, turn it upside down. Maybe I want something to really HAPPEN. I don't know. Do I even have the time and energy for anything of that scale?

I'm not short of activities. No I'm not. In fact, there's so many things to do. So many things done.

There's canoe training. Well, thrice a week. Monday being the one that tires me the most. Wednesday is alright but sometimes I get to YCG a little late. Saturday being the most fun, peddling in Macritchie and capsizing freely.

There's studies and reading. Comms textbook, the handouts, politics material, anthology, poems, short stories. But its just studies and reading. I don't want to just study and read. I want to learn something. I want to discover things. I want to have this sense of 'Eureka'! And its just evading me, this discovery. So far, its just information being placed and shelved up in my head, a text being like a trophy on the rack. "Oh, I read this, I read that." But no no, I don't want that. I want my texts to be my friends, all sitted around the fire, sharing with me their discoveries, their adventures, everything.

That touch, that love for my novel, its gone. Maybe its the pace at which I am reading. Or maybe its even the text itself. Somehow, I cannot immerse myself in the story anymore. I cannot feel the character anymore. I cannot find my heart broken at a certain loss, I cannot feel the racing heartbeat during a confrontation. It's just a story. Just. How did it turn out this way even. Maybe I have to create time for the texts that I really want to read. "Its the unwritten rule for English Literature." Yes, it must be.

However, life is not as pessimistic as I might have described it to be. Nice and exciting things did happen in this week. One of which would be that I watched 'Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children Complete'! I saw it on sale, but it came out only in Blu-ray. So I was really tempted to just buy a blu-ray player and watch it. The fanatic spirit in me was just screaming at me to do so, but logic told me otherwise. Wisdom is important. It helped to prevent Courts from earning $399 from me, and I managed to watch the show in the 'digital' version. That said, there's still this itch in my heart to buy the blu-ray, watch it in HD on my tv and see if Cloud has any pimple on his face or not. Call it the negative effects of being a fan.

As I end this post, I feel much better, as if I have poured my heart out to a friend. Maybe, rather than hoping for things to happen, I should really go MAKE things happen. Explore the boundaries, tread into the unknown and then see what happens next. Maybe its time I get out of my comfort zone and stop presuming, stop assuming things won't work out, stop dwelling about the difficulties I will face. Get out, do it, and get it done. That was the spirit during army, why not bring it along with me?

"Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing." - A. J. Marshall

Post No. 269

... Canoe... training... is... very... tiring....

... I... need... to... rest...

... I... need... to... finish... Sir... Gawain... and... The... Green... Knight... by... tonight...

... Comms... chapter... 3... too...

... Somebody slap me.

Post No. 268 (My First Post On My Laptop)

It is with my greatest pleasure to announce that I have bought my laptop and this is the very first post that I have crafted on the laptop.

I know I have stated my interest in procuring a Macbook Pro in one of my previous post, but I regret to inform that I have purchased a HP laptop instead. Well, I did not regret getting a HP laptop, but regret having to inform... never mind.

Anyway, one of the main reasons why I decided not to go for the Mac, despite having found out about its capabilities and usefulness, was because I am not confident of using a Macbook myself. The Mac OS, even though I had a short crash course with Jeff on its functionalities, was still extremely unfamiliar to me. And because of the need to use it in lectures and for my work, I felt that it was safer for me to go for a system that I was more familiar with instead.

I certainly do not wish to make a fool out of myself by opening my Macbook in lecture and not know how to use it! (although I was close to making a fool of myself when I took out my laptop for lecture and then realised that I did not have MS Office installed yet!) Of course, not to mention, the price was also a major factor in my decision making.

That said, the HP laptop took me awhile to get familiar as well. One thing being that it uses the Windows Vista OS, which I am not familiar with as I am one of those few who have been left behind in time and was still using the Windows XP OS on my desktop. Also, this is my first laptop and there was many many things that I had to go discover.

And if you have been wondering where I have been and why I have not been updating this little space of mine (please do not confuse with myspace), here's the reason:

Everyday, I will be at school. If I was not at school, I would be out with my friends. If I was not out with my friends, I would be at home. If I was at home, I would be in a crazy race to complete my readings and being capable of completing it only the night before it is required. For the first time in a long time, I found myself having no time to blog and its not because I was glued to my TV and playing FFXII.

And its not like I am out with my friends alot. Yes I admit that the dinner and movie that I went to did take up some time, but its not alot. Most of the time, its readings and more readings. Beowulf, William Blake, Anne Bradstreet, Walker Percy, John Smith... just some of the readings that have been completed in the week, and not to forget, my communications textbook. And oh yes, Lee Hsien Loong's rally speech for my Singapore govt and politics class which is happening tomorrow. School life is so wonderful. I hope I won't burn out. God please help me!

Oh well, maybe you are wondering why I am not doing my Lee Hsien Loong's rally reading now and is blogging these mundane things instead; it's because continuous reading can get a little tiring, and writing helps as it is something different. Actually, it is more than different, it is technically the complete opposite of reading and yet at the same time, it is the same as well, but a different kind. Haha, just some food for thought for you people.

I got a feeling today during comms lecture (and while learning about quantitative research) that if I take on communication studies in the higher level, I might have to face statistics and certain math as well, something I most certainly dread. But nevertheless, I still like comms studies. Its pretty interesting to learn something so basic and casual in such an advanced and formal way. For example, and I shall end with this, something which I found to be so very basic and yet so very true in relationships:

"Although dramatic moments affect relationships, it is our unremarkable, everyday interaction that sustains the daily rhythms of our intimate connections"

Post No. 267 (The Stories of A Freshie)

For those who do not know, for whatever reasons, school life has started for me. Yes, I am a student now, I carry a bag to school and I read books and write notes and print lecture notes. If you are reading this, it must be because of one of the following reasons:

- You want to know whats going on in my life.
- You are extremely bored and want something to read.
- You are a great friend of mine and is a loyal fan of my blog. (hoho)
- You have, for no particular reason, clicked something and it somehow directed you to this blog.

Regardless of the reason, I shall share with you what has happened since the day school started. The reason why I am doing this is because I want to take a break from reading my texts, and also because the "Fish-a-fish" application on Facebook is down. (WHY IS IT DOWN! I WANT TO FISH MANY FISH!)

Anyway, first day of school was not very eventful. I met some friends at Boon Lay MRT and went to school together, alighted at the bus stop nearest to the LT, and went looking for the LT. A friend insisted that it wasn't cool to fish out the map I had in my bag so we didn't. As a result, well, we got lost. I shall not bore you, my dear readers, with the mundane details of the different places we went to OTHER THAN the designated LT. Just know that we climbed stairs, took the elevator, hit dead-ends, walked and walked until we saw a SMALL sign on the door that says "LT 9". We were late by at least 10 minutes.

My first lecture (well, first non-military related) since 2006. And er, I don't know, I felt it was a little chim (sophisticated) but could still understand. Maybe it was due to the rust left behind by my military stint, but I really thank God I had some literature background, or I won't understand much. Also, thank God for Evangel Family Church for inviting angmohs (caucasians) to speak, so I was still able to understand the accent. Horizon of expectations, form, Anglo-Saxon, Beowolf etc.

Went home and waited for 7pm to register for the modules that I have planned.
6.50pm
*refresh*
6.55pm
*refresh*
*puts MSN on busy status*
6.58pm *refresh*
7pm
*refresh*
*frantic clicking to register course*
*FAIL*
*registers Plan 2*
*FAIL*
*registers Plan 3*
*FAIL*
*randomly tries to register courses*
*FAIL*
*Stares at monitor in disbelief and resignation*
*Goes to have Xiao Long Bao at Ding Tai Feng to drown the sorrows*

That's day 1 then.

Day 2 was pretty alright. Tried again to register for courses.

*logs in*
*randomly clicks courses that I like*
*1 slot in communication studies*
*nearly went mad*
*clicks frantically to register*
*SUCCESSFULLY REGISTERED*
*thank God*
*Jumps for joy*
*continues to randomly click courses*
*1 slot in Singapore Politics and Govt*
*Not sure about it but clicked it anyway in spirit of kiasu-ness*
*SUCCESSFULLY REGISTERED*
*thank God*

The lecture starts only at 3pm (I love my timetable like this) and I could still go lunch with mum and go shopping with her in the afternoon. However, I sort of overestimated the efficiency of our public transport system and reached the LT, again, 10 minutes late. Introduction to literature. Way simpler than the one I had on day 1. Nothing much was learnt, but I took notes anyway. I like my lecturers, they are pretty cool people.

Day 3, well, that's today, Thursday. Wasn't supposed to have classes today because tutorials don't start till next week, but found out last night that there was a lecture for comm studies at 11am; so well, I found myself going to school again. Reached the school, its called the Wee Kim Wee School Of Communications and Information, which is a totally new and foreign place to me. Found the LT after asking one of the aunties working there (and also realised its the only LT around), met a few people in the LT and then found out that the lecture was cancelled. We didn't know because we didn't attend the previous lecture because we weren't enrolled in the course yet. So well, just too bad for us.

I am pretty glad to find out (after asking some people there)that this course, COM201 is actually a Comm Studies Year 1 course! Haha, there goes all my fears that it was going to be too advanced. :D Bought the textbook for COM201 and did some admin at my school, which is the School of Humanities and Social Sciences and went for lunch. Did some swimming in the late afternoon and then studied abit at the CCK library (which I found was not very conducive).

Tomorrow, there will be a lecture for the Singapore Politics and Govt course and I shall take a look at how it is. It probably isn't going to be as basic as COM201 because the lecture notes for the lecture was 176 slides long! Most of which are newspaper articles and quotes. -_-" Not really sure if I am up to it, but shall try anyway.

So that's how school life (minus the orientation camp) started for me. Certainly just the usual fare in university life, but I found it pretty exciting still!

Post No. 266 (NDP Special)

Happy 44th National Day!

I'm patriot. Yep. I love my country. I love my government. I love the fact that I'm Singaporean, that I'm holding a pink IC, that I've served my national service, that I'm in a local university. Yes, I'm a patriot and I'm proud to be one.

Call me naive, call me brain-washed; still, I love my country. Every 9th August, I will either be at the NDP, or I will be at home watching the NDP (I missed 1 or 2 live telecasts, but watched the encore anyway). And then I will take time to think about how much this little country has gone through and how far we have come to be where we are right now.

We have certainly come a long way. I know, that was a cliche. But cliches are cliches only because (quoting The Kite Runner) "they are dead on" aren't they? 44 years, from mudflats to a metropolitan city (that was quoting MM Lee), from 3rd world to 1st world, from unrecognized to a global country. It was certainly quite a feat.

I know people always have something to say about the government. I've heard it all. About pulling strings, some conspiracy that was covered up, some secrets here and there, failures in certain projects and what not. I'll grant the wagging tongues their benefit of the doubt, even if some myths were not proven and some stories sound more far-fetched than true. But still, I love my government because they are effective and they are clean. Because they know how to manage the little resources we have and they know how to manage when a crisis hit the island, be it economic or pandamic. We have a good government and the results speak for itself. Even with the track record as evidence, many people will still stick to stories of manipulation and conspiracies. I won't try to change their minds. I just want to ask, "could you have done better?"

Personally, I think this year's NDP was one of the better ones. One reason is because my unit was on TV (hoho, felt nostalgic when i saw the teletubby :P). But more importantly, it was because other than the display of the multi-cultural arts and some mass display of formations and the other usual fan-fare, there was also a very strong message of having a national identity. The fact that the 10 chapters was revolved around the national pledge and the reciting of pledge at 2022HRS were pretty nice ideas. Haha, I admit it did feel a little silly to stand by myself in my room and reciting the pledge. Oh well.

This is home. My pledge. My anthem. My flag. My crescent moon and five stars. My country. This is home. Truly. Surely.

What will you defend? What do you see?

Happy 44th National Day!

Post No.265

I nearly cried on the train today when I was reading The Kite Runner. Sheesh.

Attended the welcome ceremony today and received LOTS of goodies. Haha. We were then made to wear this gown which I suspect we will be wearing again in 4 years time and recite this pledge which I have forgotten by the time I sat on the chair again. Kind of felt like when I was enlisted 2 years ago. Met up with the professors, and well, I suppose there's alot to expect and its better that I get myself working already.

School is starting in a week's time and I have alot alot of reading to be done. And I actually foolishly thought that I had so much free time and was wondering what to do for the last week of holidays.

Just some examples of what will be on my mind for the months to come:

- HAMLET --> all time favourite

- THE WOMAN WARRIOR --> memoirs of a chinese in America...

- PUDD'NHEAD WILSON --> I was ?? at first as well, but its actually a play about crime-solving. Mystery.

- SONG OF MYSELF --> can't escape poetry

- THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF BENJAMIN FRANKLIN --> they say its for the American Literature module. Oh well.

- THE NORTON ANTH... --> sorry, its too hard for me to type the title out. Its a very useful book. Other than for studying literature, one can also use it for strength training and murder. Oh yes, did I mention there's a volume 2 as well? (there could be even more volumes, but I don't want to think about it now)

I shall stop here. That makes up... around half of my reading list.

Time to get started.

Post No.264

Went for rock climbing today after church and earned myself blisters on the fingers and very very very sore arms. When was the last time I did rock climbing... probably 2005... during J1. That's 4 years ago!

Blisters felt like they were burning when I was showering and the pain intensified when the soap got into them, and then the shampoo! Showering became such a torturous experience.

And then the tired arms. Oh man, I tell you, they were so tired that I had difficulty opening a can of coke during dinner! I tried different positions (and I didn't want to ask for help because its really super throw-face) and finally opened it after a few tries and putting all my strength into it.

But still, rock climbing was pretty fun!

Anyway, school is going start in a week's time and I am trying my best to master STARS, which is a system for me to register my modules in university. Its fastest fingers first and I don't want to get a sucky semester because I was noob at STARS.

Post No.263

A friend and I came up with a saying today:

There's artiste, then there's celebrity, then there's star, then super-star, then legend, and then there's Michael Jackson.

I donated blood again today and discovered that this would be the 8th time I am donating blood.

It also struck my mind about how ironic it would have been if someone came to donate his blood, and then got hit by a car while going home and ends up having his own blood put back into him.

This post is short and a little random because I feel groggy and sleepy, which I always feel after I donated blood.

Post No.262

I can't wait to get my hands on my student card so that I can go buy myself a Macbook Pro after tonight's Mac crash course by Jeff and finding out how awesome the Macbook actually is.

Anyway, I am back from camp. The near-fever-experience and cough and shouting has caused my voice to pay the price. I WILL SOUND FUNNY FOR NEXT FEW DAYS.

Well, it was a pretty fun camp! The only thing I wish could have been improved was the management with time. Time management was pretty bad, plenty of sitting-around-and-waiting-for-things-to-happen kind of scenarios. But of course, the most important thing is that I made lots of pretty cool friends!

It was pretty good mix of people of all kinds of personalities - the quiet type, the loud type, the funny type, the shy type, the active type, on and on. So well, it was fun to see everybody interact.

Besides, my OG got the Most Garang OG! (actually I know its because they got a prize for every OG so they had to give the prize a name) It must have been the medic who suggested this because we got the most number of injuries. Garang indeed. Yours truly was actually the first one to fall on the 1ST NIGHT while running and injured his feet. Hai... I had to be left out from quite a number of games, which was quite disheartening. But when the OG had to go through all the... yucks stuff (eg. rolling in soy sauce+detergent+watermelon which stunk ultimately badly), I felt it was a blessing in disguise... gosh, I am wicked. But when I had to be left out of the sea while at the beach, it was pretty sad.

Food was pathetic; with each meal consisting only of rice with 1 meat + 1 vege. Sadness. Army food was more filling. And we were provided with Pocari Sweat to drink, which I felt was pretty nice until someone mentioned it was EXPIRED on 120709. -_-"

Therefore, when we got to have lunch OUTSIDE of camp on our own because we were in an AMAZING RACE, the group went to eat at FISH AND CO. It was partly to celebrate a friend's birthday, but still, I think we were the only group which had such a big lunch during the race! I think we took nearly an hour to finish lunch and when we finally carried on with our race, the station IC was already bored stiff.

I felt like a 19 year old while in camp because the girls were 19, but when I left camp, I was 21 again - Reality of life.

School is starting in 2 weeks time! I feel excited already. After 2 years of lull, its finally back to studies. Discussed with the E-Lit seniors about what to expect and I get this feeling that the next 4 years are going to be very fulfilling ones. I am proud to be in a course that I actually like! :D

I promise that I will work hard and qualify for double majors! I said the same thing when I was in JC, but this time I will do it! ... will try to do it! ...

TO SQUARE ENIX: IF YOU WILL REMAKE FFVII, I PROMISE I WILL BUY A PS3 JUST FOR IT AND WILL SACRIFICE MY SLEEP AND QUEUE UP AT THE GAMESHOP TO BUY IT ON THE DAY OF RELEASE!