Monday, January 16, 2012

what makes us cry

"Italian critic Franco Moretti has argued, for example, that literature that makes
us cry operates via a special manipulation of temporality: what triggers our crying
is not just the sadness or suffering of the character in the story but a very precise
moment when characters in the story catch up with and realize what the audience
already knows. We cry, Moretti argues, not just because the characters do, but at
the precise moment when desire is finally recognized as futile. The release of
tension produces tears - which become a kind of homage to a happiness that is
kissed goodbye. Pathos is thus a surrender to reality but it is a surrender that pays
homage to the ideal that tried to wage war on it."

- Linda Williams, "Film Bodies: Gender, Genre, and Excess"

Friday, January 06, 2012

a trip that spanned across two years

Happy New Year everybody!

Holidays are coming to an end for me, school is going to start in another 2 days time and I just returned from the land of Vietnam.

The countdown to 2012 was done in Vietnam, proving to be the first time I did a countdown in a foreign country, and it was pretty interesting experience (I can't put a finger down on whether it was surreal, but it might have been). I wrote previously about the concept of time and how it feels so real and yet so unreal - that was exactly how I felt when I was in Hanoi counting down to 2012 with 90% Vietnamese and 10% foreigners; I was pretty sure there were plenty of Singaporeans with me as well, at least, there were three other Singaporeans with me for sure.

The time zone in Vietnam is GMT +7, while in Singapore it is GMT +8, so technically we were an hour behind everyone in Singapore while we were up north. It was 11pm in Vietnam when everyone in Singapore reached 2012, and in a weird and small way, I felt it was 2012 too. Because deep down in my heart, even when I was in Hanoi, I felt and I knew I was a Singaporean. It is so hard to think of oneself as a local when you are in Hanoi, unlike a city such as Taipei where the language is not an issue. It felt as if everyone in Singapore has gone on ahead without us, to a 2012 that we were still an hour away.

But then, when the countdown began in Hanoi's city center next to the Hoan Kiem Lake and the sparklers started burning (there were no fireworks, which proved to be a disappointment; I wonder if I have gotten too used to fireworks back at home), I felt a sense of connection, like the New Year is the same for everyone. Everyone becomes delighted at the New Year, though for what reasons I do not exactly know. It is just the act of counting down together, dancing and singing on the streets that somehow connected us together.

And this, in a small way, brought us connection back to everyone in Singapore.

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Vietnam surprised me. And I surprised myself.

I suppose I could sum the trip up like that; although it does not do justice to sum anything that lasted 6 days into 7 words.

To be frank, I wasn't that excited before I touched down in the country. It was a country that I never thought I was going to visit, the language is unfamiliar to me, I don't know what I was looking forward to in a country such as Vietnam, in a city such as Hanoi. There isn't much to do anyway in a city where its main attractions are a lake, a mausoleum and museums. Of course, you can always top this up with pubbing, which technically can be found in any city. Halong Bay, with its status as a UNESCO Heritage Site, didn't really excite me either. I'm not really a sucker for beautiful landscapes anyway, and a thousand similar rock outcrops didn't sound like a prospect.

And for such low expectations, Vietnam certainly didn't disappoint. In fact, she surprised me. Sure, there really wasn't much to do in Hanoi. Halong Bay didn't have anything more than just rocky outcrops and mountains and caves. However, it was the Vietnamese people who captured my heart while I was there.

Our trip was divided technically into three parts: city tour of Hanoi, nature tour of Halong Bay, and a closing tour in Hanoi.

In the city tour, we went museum touring, looked at Ho Chi Ming's body in the mausoleum, did a count down, walked around the lake, shopped and ate. Shopping isn't too bad; I'm not much of a shopper but I found myself buying the most out of the four of us who were there in the first three days. I bought a beanie, and then a T-shirt, and then a sling bag. The sling bag was probably the only cultural Vietnamese item that I bought for myself, and it was my favourite buy.

We were, of course, scammed while we were in Hanoi. I wouldn't say SCAMMED really, but it was more like we were overcharged for things that we paid for. It was not unexpected. In Vietnam, you have a 99% chance of being scammed/overcharged the moment you open your mouth and speak in English, even if you are Asian and look pretty much like a Vietnamese. The only way to lower the chances of being overcharged is to speak their language.

It was the same feeling in Halong Bay - the feeling of being exploited and overcharged for something that is worth only a little. The food wasn't that fantastic on the tour (sometimes it was bland), drinks were not included and the tour wasn't that organised anyway. We went trekking and the guide wasn't even with us, which might be a good thing because it made the experience more exciting and adventurous. We went for a massage and it really wasn't that great anyway.

However, there was one thing that redeemed the trip for me, and in a way, changed me - the people.

Sure, they may be exploiting us because we couldn't speak Vietnamese. They may be overcharging us because we don't know what the hell was going on. But then, they were just making a living. Besides, its not like they were really scamming us. They are just charging a higher price than usual. Vietnamese are poor people, way poorer than Singaporeans, and that extra US$2 could have meant a lot to them. It could have gotten them a good meal for once, while to me, S$3 could just have gotten a plate of chicken rice.

It isn't much, when you think about it. When I got to see the smiles on the faces of the people, I really began to feel so happy. Vietnamese aren't bad people, they are just poor. And it takes so little just to bless them, and I don't see why I shouldn't.

When we finally got back to Hanoi from Halong Bay on the last day of our trip, I began to see Vietnam in a different light. They were nice people.

It's so easy to see them as horrible who are just out to scam us when we are with other tourists, especially those from the West. It's so easy to just feel horrible about the trip and think that Vietnam sucks when we keep complaining and busking ourselves in complaints and more complaints.

In Hanoi, as I began to look at the locals differently, I somehow managed to see that they aren't as bad as others might say they are. It became easier to shop when bargaining isn't just to bring the price lower, but to also interact with the locals in a more fun and meaningful way.

I suppose the one most memorable moment for me, was when I was sold a pack of snacks for 50000 Dong. It sure wasn't worth that much, and I could guess as much as I interacted with those who sold me that packet of snacks. The one selling was an old lady, and there were like two or three other younger Vietnamese with her too. The old lady couldn't speak English, so the other Vietnamese were translating for her (she was just peddling the snacks, and it just so happens that we were at a shop where the younger Vietnamese were). They were laughing to each other as I paid up the 50000 Dong, which sort of means I have been made a fool of, and so was the old lady. However, for the old lady, her laugh wasn't just because I have paid 50000 Dong for snacks, but because she managed to make so much money, she could probably enjoy a a better meal for once.

50000 Dong is only S$3. It wasn't a big deal for me and S$3 was worth it to make somebody's day.

For what I expected from Vietnam, I was really surprised - both by the people, and by how I changed my attitude to them.

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I didn't believe anyone who told me that I looked like a Vietnamese, until a Vietnamese told me the same.