And its that time of the year, again

Every year has to come to an end regardless of how wonderful or how bad it was.

A quick revisit to my time capsules revealed that I have not made any new year resolutions for this year, so there isn't any need for me to weigh myself against a set list of resolution just to know if the year has been a good year or not. Fulfilling resolutions does not mean its a good year. A good year really means that its been good. Er...

Its been a good year for me. A really really good year. It has also been a year of changes for me. Changes are always exciting, they bring novelty into our lives and we are always excited by novelty. For me, my life took quite a number of turns in the year, with me leaving the military service, entering the university and multiple changes to my perspectives.

My stint in the military for the 1st half of the year was really good. Not only did I draw a sweet salary (of which I am still enjoying the fruits), I also gained an experience that could not be found anywhere else. Many great friendships were also formed during this period of time. I ORDed on a really nice note, with me feeling that I have gained everything I can from the service before embarking on the next phase of my life.

2nd half of the year started with what I call, "The Break". Its practically a 3 month break to refresh my mind before I go back to school again. I went to the church camp (which was absolutely refreshing) and also plugged myself in to help my region with the Chinese event. More importantly, I used this period of time to retune myself for university and to prepare to study again.

My 21st birthday also fell nicely in "The Break", allowing me time to plan and come up with a birthday party. The money left from the service was what allowed me to pull off what I feel is a costly event, which I felt was really important as that really meant that I need not burden my parents for something like that.

Then in comes university life. It started off pretty well. The period of retuning worked out just fine and I found myself fitting in just nice. Everything went at a pretty nice pace and I had the luxury to still feel my way around the areas that I was not familiar with. However, when the assignments started to pour in and the exams drew near, I began to feel the heat. I began to realise that 2 years without any academic activity really threw my brain into a freeze. I was having a cold start. Skills revolving essay writing completely escaped me and I found it really difficult to start writing anything academic at all.

My friends, whom I am absolutely grateful for, came in at just the right time to lend me a hand. Shu Ting, my counter-part from NUS in English Literature, re-taught me a few skillsets that I found was really essential for both writing and studying. Ying Hui provided me an idea for my politics term paper when I couldn't decide on what to write on. Lian Ah Lian was really kind and generous to invite me for study sessions at SMU when the exams drew near, sessions that I found was really good and focused. And of course, all my friends in NTU, Izzat, Hazwan, Michelle, Nadiah, Izzy, Adel, Hansen, they never fail to put the peer pressure on me to study, and sometimes to not study.

When the exams came, I was really apprehensive. The truth is, I totally didn't know what to expect. I haven't taken a single examination (other than military ones) in nearly 3 years and I have forgotten how it felt like. Besides, taking an examination in university is probably another matter entirely. But still, with God's strength and peer pressure to study really hard, I managed to pull it off.

The year ended on a sweet note. I got back my results just a day before the year closes. A GPA of 4.25 to kickstart the next semester really puts some of the motivation and drive back into me again. Although not a very fantastic result per se, its still encouraging that I managed to stretch past the 4.0 mark despite of the difficulties I faced. 4.0 was one of the targets I set for myself when the term started and I am really happy to have been able to achieve it! Now I have to see if I qualify for double major.

As I look back on the year, I must say God really placed these different things in my life perfectly. The timing of my military contract was impeccable, providing me a break before university that was just enough to refresh my mind. University was a plan that I never thought about. This one goes back to a really long time. 5 years ago.

It was 2004 and I just finished my 'O' Levels. I really didn't intend on going to JC, so I put Mass Comm at Ngee Ann as my first choice of institues to go to. A combination of the course's popularity and God's amazing humour, I found myself going to PJC instead. I stuck through JC and I began to see how this was God's chosen path for me all along. Well, cut the story short, here I am. I don't think I would have been in university had I went to polytechnic instead, but I will never know.

As I prepare myself to usher in 2010 (2010 seems so cool, you just have to say twenty-ten), I wonder if it is still needed to come up with a list resolutions. Resolutions are good, but you don't need them to have a good year. I'll just take what comes my way in my stride and make it a good year for myself. If there is any resolution that I want to make for next year, I want it to be a happy and a good year.

:D

Sudder Street, Calcutta

The blackout arrives punctually, bringing to life
the meagre light of so many brief candles.
This is the shrine of suffering's patron saint,
where man's body falls asunder, beseiged walls
crumbling, helpless, as death tunnels underground
with tonnes of dynamite, to blow the body heavenward.

On Sudder Street the same procession of beggars
in inexhaustible variations of deformity and need,
peddlers offering passages to temporary nirvana,
the brown sugar girl and her magic mushrooms.
A human rickshaw canters by, yoked
to the ledger of debts from previous lives.
He is dragging alone, his feet pain-proof,
the sum of things unexplained.
Deserted angels lie sprawled on Sudder Street,
beauty broken in God's terrible neglect.

The hands of this poem are useless stumps.
They cannot even begin to turn the page.
I come from a race that has no word for despair.
My culture is purged of poverty's germs, its language
a propaganda of faith in absolute health.
I even doubt my ABC.

Perhaps I am looking in the wrong archives
for my history, checking the wrong catalogues,
tracing irrelevant titles. Perhaps I should stop
subscribing to foreign publications which inform me
of happenings on the other planets.

On Sudder Street my mind is numb.
My legs are thinking hard. They hold long dialogues
with cul-de-sacs and turn to frail candles
for illumination. I had better decide soon
whether it is health or sickness that I want.

But tonight let me take my place
among the forlorn angels of Sudder Street.

- Boey Kim Cheng

How terrorism has gripped all of us.

As I took a glimpse at today's paper in the morning, I noticed the headlines that read "A Decade of Terrorism".

The first thing that came into my mind was "Man, has it been a decade already?"

Well, it hasn't been a decade yet, but we are close. Its been so long that I've already, like many other people in this world, taken terrorism as a matter of fact in life. In fact, I personally have been so numbed to terrorism that my reaction to the recent news about how Abdul Farouk Abdulmutallab attempted to blow up a US airliner was just simply "oh, another one."

I still remember the night of September 11 2001. I still remember watching the two towers go up in smoke and wondering what had happened. I did not know what the term "terrorists" meant at the mere age of 13, at secondary one. The only kind of terrorists that I knew was the kind that counter-terrorists kill in Counter-Strike.

In the blink of an eye, its already been nearly a decade. The world as we know it is still in a bitter war against terrorism. The war initiated by George W.Bush is still going on in the Middle-East and it does not look like its coming any closer to an end. I, while serving in the army, played roles in combating terrorism as well.

But will the world ever return to the peace that the pre-9/11 era experienced. I know that terrorism existed pre-9/11, but its only after 9/11 that terror really struck the hearts of every single person in this world. That the war against terror was played up, that media put so much focus on terrorism.

Was there no other way to deal with this other than to FIGHT terrorism? When 9/11 happened, Bush presented the world with just 2 grim options: we either fight, or the terrorists will destroy us. And the world, gripped in fear and terror, just simply took it for granted that there were just these 2 options and supported a war that has not yield any results even today, a war that has caused only suffering and pain to innocent people in the affected countries. Terrorism has not dropped any one bit, in fact, more revenge killings occur, more revenge bombings happen with the war in Middle-East as a primary reason. The world only gets more and more chaotic. Things just keep getting messier. It just can't be helped but to wonder if we had actually went the wrong direction in this issue.

Does anyone still bear hope that terrorism will one day be a thing that we won't have to be worried about, that we will not have to be on our toes every single day of our lives, like during the pre-9/11 era?

Even Singapore, with no incidents (or rather no revealed incidents), is kept on its toes every single day. Messages and reminders for us to "Do not leave your belongings unattended, if you see any suspicious article, please inform our staff" become such a commonplace that we treat it as just another message that comes after "Door closing." Such messages did not even exist in the pre-9/11 era and you can already start to imagine how we have accepted terrorism as an inevitable part of life.

One incident of an escaped convict with a limp on his leg got the entire nation in a frenzy. You may say we just do our best to be cautious, but really, the world has been gripped by a kind of terror ever since the two majestic towers fall into a rubble, leaving only dust in its place.

I cannot help but think. How long will this era of terrorism last? Will it ever end? Will my children be able to live in an age whereby there can truly be no wars on Earth, whereby terror does not plague the heart of every single person in the world? Or will the wars ultimately be the downfall of the entire planet, just as so many others have predicted it to be?

I want to optimistic. I want to believe that everything will turn out for the better. I want to believe.

Welcome back from Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

- Emily Perl Kingsley, 1987, "Welcome to Holland"

So you come back from Holland amidst envy for everyone who returns from Italy and talking about Italy. Like, what the heck, Holland wasn't too bad once you removed the lenses of pessimism. But still, its one thing to be optimistic and another thing to engage in self-consolation but still believe deep in your heart that Italy was the place for you to go.

We go to different places for a reason. And once you realised this, you will begin to see how significant it was that Holland was the road less travelled, and that you were one of those who travelled this road.

As you sit at home looking at how the rest brag about their journeys in Italy, you will be able notice something others do not. You will be able to notice the ones who didn't go to Italy, you will be able to notice the ones who did not fit in.

While others are engrossed in their conversations about how beautiful Italy was, you go to the sides of the ones who were left out, and tell them about how beautiful Holland was.

You will help open their eyes to the beauty of their own travels, you will be the one who help remove the lenses of pessimism on their eyes.

You realise that it was of no coincidence that the flight plan was changed. It was for a purpose. Everything is planned. Everything is in control. You landed in Holland and returned thus for a mission.

Not everyone will be able to go to Italy. Many others get their flight plans changed as well. These are the people who need someone by their side. Not the ones from Italy. And you, from Holland, with your experiences, you are the one.

The prologue

Something is happening. On his part, at least.

Everytime their eyes meet, lock, connect, there is this feeling. This feeling that he cannot put any words on. Is it a...

"Connection?" No, it was probably more than that.

"Is it lo-" Oh! He daren't even utter such a sacred word!

What is it then? What is it?

He searches deeper.

There are no words.

There is no need for words.

It is that special.

Today is J's birthday

Today is J's birthday. Well, its not exactly his birthday if you want to be strict about it, its just the day he came down to join us. But still, we celebrate because we love J because of what he did for us when he came down to where we live.

So on this day, as with any other day, I was talking to G. Since it was J's birthday, I decided it would be cool to maybe ponder more about the relationship we share with other.

If you were wondering how, I talk to both G and J at the same time coz they are father and son and they live with this other guy called H. H helps with connecting me to G and J as they live in a place that's rather hard to reach. Its like... they share the same phone, ya?

When we talk, I'll tell G about whats going on in my life, thank him for some things, stuff like that, you know, just catching up. Once in awhile I'll come with a request, or a question I can't answer on my own. Sometimes he answers, sometimes he doesn't. G's like that. Some people say he always answers but you just have to listen hard coz he's a little soft-spoken. They believe that. They tell me to believe that. I tell myself to believe that.

And even when he does answer, its usually through some sort of symbolism, like a passage in the book or an event or a dream. So its really up to interpretation. That's how he works, just got to get used to it. Some say he speaks directly to them, like a voice in the head or the sound of the wind. Again, its hard to know if it was your own thoughts or interpretation. Others tell me I have to believe it is him. I tell others to believe. I tell myself to believe.

Sometimes, he sends someone else to speak in his stead, but again you can never be sure. G is that, elusive? I wonder if elusive is the right word to use.

Despite the fact that I never got to see G and J, I still believe that he is there. Not just there somewhere, but right here. There are times when I am down and I can really FEEL him. There are times when a whole bunch of us talk to him at the same time and we can all FEEL him. Its never a "sight" kind of thing. I tell myself to believe.

So that's G for you. J is his son whom he sent to join us a long long time ago so we can all be saved from something really really horrible. So the plan was this: J would be born as a human, like us, so he can live like us and show he's gone through the same thing so we can really identify with him. And then he also have to die in a way so that he can help save us from something worse than death. Its really a pretty complicated and intricate plan that G thought of.

But he had to show that J is G's son so he won't be treated like any other person. (his mission required abit of attention) So he was born out of a virgin woman and had 3 wise men come visit him after G sent some messengers with the news. But in order not to make it too extravagant, J had to be born in a manger.

And the day that J was sent here, that's today, 25th December. No one can be too sure about the date because no one was there to note it down on a PDA, but it doesn't really matter. Everyone just had to agree on the date and it was good enough.

After J was born, he lived a life like any other person and when he reached 30, set off on the mission he was intended for and finished it. And then he returned to G and all of us are saved from the disaster. The rest is history, well, literally.

Trivia

Here's a fun fact that I didn't know myself, and I found it really interesting!

There's actually an order that we have to place our adjectives if we use more than one adjective before a noun. And the order goes like this:

1. Opinion
2. Size
3. Age
4. Shape
5. Colour
6. Origin
7. Material
8. Purpose

I'm sure most of you didn't know that, eh?

So if I want to describe a baby, I'll have to say, "thats a cute little 2 year old baby!" rather than "thats a 2 year old little cute baby!" The latter does sound a little odd, doesn't it? :D

An Unsent Letter. The Unsung Song.

How much do you know me, really?

You may think you know me. But its probably only one side of me. If you think you know me just because you read my blog, its probably worse.

Who am I, really?

I am multi-faceted. I take on multiple roles. I am not just me.

I am me at school. I am me at church. I am me with friends. I am me with family.

I am green. I am red. I am blue. I am yellow. I am white. I am black. I am every colour you can find.

I am the student. I am the soldier. I am the christian. I am the sportsman. I am the gamer. I am the bookworm. I am the writer. I am everybody.

I am not the student. I am not the soldier. I am not the christian. I am not the sportsman. I am not the gamer. I am not the bookworm. I am not the writer. I am nobody.

I am happy. I am sad. I am frustrated. I am excited. I am all emotions.

I have faith. I have no faith.

I am the follower. I am the rebel.

I love. I hate.

I am the jack of all trades. I am the master of none. I know everything. I know nothing.

I like to sit on the fence. I like to take sides.

Yes, call me a hypocrite, actor, confused, whatever, but who's not? Who's not in this tragicomedy?

I am human.

So, who are you, really? I want to know.

Christmas Bells

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Till, ringing, singing on its way
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime,
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The Carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And in despair I bowed my head;
‘There is no peace on earth,’ I said;
‘For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!’

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
‘God is not dead; nor doth he sleep!
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men!’

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 1864

Its never peace on Earth, its never a perfect and wonderful story in the world around us. Death, diseases, wars, crimes, disasters and corruption plague our world. We can't just turn a blind eye and pretend.

But we have to believe. We have to believe that there will be peace on Earth. We have to believe that it will be a wonderful world. We have to be the light against a backdrop of darkness.

Thats what being Christian is about. The bells will keep ringing. We will keep believing. God will keep working.

FFX-2 Loves

One thing I love about FFX-2 is the fact that everything can be turned into joke, and certainly tickle all the funny bones in me.

I just finished chapter 4 (yes I am rushing through, eager to see how this ends) and I just witnessed probably the funniest of scenes.

Here was Brother (Yuna's secret admirer through the game) pouring his grievances to the Barkeep, a hypello (a rather dull race which everyone looks the same and shpeaks with weird accent) about how he can't seem to get Yuna's heart and blah blah... and then he says they are both born bachelors.

At this point, Barkeep tellsh him to shpeak for himshelf, and appearsh another hypello and they both embrace and kissh!

Hypellosh embracing and kisshing one another! I totally didn't see that coming. :D

Okay, maybe its just me.

The Gray

I've been feeling like a rebel these days, constantly thinking about stuff that would put prompt the pastors to invite me for coffee after church. And I can't explain these feelings. Is it because I am too free, too idle, too much time to let my thoughts wander when I stare at the white and blue above me? I do not know. But I'm certainly not becoming the christian that a christian should be. Maybe I was never meant to be. I remember I was so excited to join a ministry, waiting for THE calling, but got none. I gave up eventually. Maybe He knew better. Maybe He knew it was going to come down to this. Could this be the start of my backslide? Worse, could this be the start of my christian rebellion?

Before I carry on any further, here's a little DISCLAIMER. What is going to unfold in this post can be VERY STUMBLING depending on how you choose to intepret it. If you think you can't handle the heat, CLOSE THE PAGE NOW.

Black 'n' White Christmas is happening in a week's time, and I've been thinking about black and white, and gray.

I always have a fascination for hero-villains, because they really represent the reality of our being. No one is really pure good nor pure evil (reason why I get turned off by Superman and not Batman), and if you expound on this in greater depth, good and evil are merely perceptions based on concepts developed by the people within and without. Everybody really is gray, if you want to put a colour to them.

Only recently, I was introduced to the greatest hero-villain of all, the devil Satan himself in Paradise Lost by John Milton. In the first Canto, Satan was banished from Heaven because of his sins, everyone knows this. But the Canto's protagonist, the hero is Satan, rather than God. And in this Canto, Satan and his minions tries to reason, and tries to rebuild their lives while in Hell. The story itself has its own significance, but what really strikes me is the fact Satan is the hero, or rather, hero-villain as later Cantos develop.

Paradise Lost was commented on by a couple of writers. William Blake claimed that John Milton was sympathetic towards Satan and thus making a Satan sympathiser. But really, is everything that black and white as the Bible tries to tell us? That there are only 2 sides. That God is good, Satan is evil, God is here to save you from Satan, Satan is here to harm you, period.

Sometimes I wonder, is Satan really all that evil? Could what he is doing merely be a reaction towards what God has done to him? Could Satan simply be the one that just "had to take the blame"?

I do not know what really happened on the cosmic level. I do not have the capacity to know. And I do not want to comment or even attempt to comment on such things before people start calling me blasphemous and start hurling rocks at me (or their own computer screens when reading this). But I know what is going on at our mortal level. I know that if someone has been doing bad stuff, it is Satan who caused him to do it, and if someone is doing good stuff, God must have been guiding him. You can choose to believe that, but I just feel that things are actually really gray.

Welcome back to the world of "perception". You see, what we know as "good" and "evil" is really dependent on how we perceive good and evil. For example, if I've been brought up in an environment whereby people believe that stealing is a good thing, I might just believe that stealing is a good thing, and not a bad thing as how the society might see it. Its a silly example, but its straightforward. Even in real life, it is easy to see how perceptions work to cause different beliefs in people. Ever wondered why no one in North Korea is revolting against communism despite of how almost the entire world is pointing fingers at its policies? In the film "The Village", different rules define whats good and whats sin and these rules differ from our society. Novel by Sheri Reynolds, The Rapture of Canaan, preaches the exact same thing when the simple cutting of hair or wearing of pants was considered sin and yet they naively encourages boys and girls to pray together privately, leading up to erhem... you know. (and for your information, this novel opened my eyes to how screwed up religion could become)

That said, its probably impossible to start and define what is wrong and what is right, what is black and what is white. Thats simply because these things can never come under any definition. These things are subjective. Are you going to use laws to define them? But gay marriage could be illegal one day and legal the next! Nothing is set, and we shouldn't begin to start the finger pointing when someone "sins". Do we know why they did it? Do we know how they were brought up? Do we know if it was REALLY their fault? Do we know if they knew it was wrong to do it?

When you really want to think about it, have you ever wondered why everything in the Bible is written from God's, from prophets' and from apostles' points of view? How has it affected our own perception? Of course I am not asking you to abandon the Bible and your faith, but its just really a point for one to ponder. When you think it through, it could very well strengthen your faith and provides you a deeper understanding of your own faith in God!

But of course, I am not an advocate of the devil now nor am I condoning crimes and sins, lies and murders, theft and what not you've got on your "do not try" list. These things are bad, yes, they harm others. But as the Jesus famously puts it, take the plank from your own eye before you remove the speck from other's. Do you not lie, murder (Jesus says you've done it in your head) or steal from people? But OF COURSE you have a reason, you've got an explanation, you've got a bid for forgiveness, you've got your perception to consider. How about the one you are pointing your finger at, then? Aren't we all as gray as we can be?

What's wrong?

If you thought that the hot-spring scene in FFX-2 was pretty "wrong", think again.

I didn't expect it, but the massage scene definitely wins the "most wrong scene in FFX-2" award.

Imagine the horror when my TV went "ooooh...", "aahhhh....", "yesss... yess...", "you're so goood..." (all in this lusty voice)

This prompted my mom to come into my room and ask, "what are you doing?"

The scene of scantily dressed lady lying on a couch with someone on top of her totally didn't help.

Lets talk about... religion

Oooh, religion, the sensitive taboo topic avoided by most people and one that is regulated by OB markers set by the government on media. But I hope I won't be transgressing any of these rules as I give my take on religion. Religion, not just Christianity.

What is "The Truth"? Is there even something such as "The Truth"? Is it just a matter of perception? Why do we believe? I will be treading on thin ice here.

Lets talk about Christianity first. As most would know, I have been a christian for as long as I can remember. I did slack off from church for a couple of years but I was still christian and still attends cell. However, I'm not exactly the type that really buys everything the church says. I have my set of beliefs and way to serve and know God and sometimes they don't exactly coincide with what the church tries to promote.

One of these is ministry. What exactly is ministry? To me, I simply believe that its service to God. However, the church does seem to give a slighty different definition to that. The church probably defines ministry as "recognizable" service to God. That is to say, your service must be one that can be seen, can be recognized, can be acknowledged or it will not be considered as ministry. And these will include, ushers, traffic marshallers, leaders, musicians etc etc.

It may seem to be very inclusive, being such an extensive group and all, but it really is not. How about the faithful members? Those who simply serve God in their own little ways? Helping out at events, encouraging fellow christians, and most importantly, living a life that reflects Christ? Must you be a leader to serve God? Must you be a musician to serve God? I sometimes do find this policy a little flawed.

As you might have guessed, I am not in a ministry and this means that sometimes I will be left out from certain events in the church. It used to be the Tuesday prayer meeting, as if only people in ministries are allowed to pray, but they changed that. And now its the Konquerors conference, which they say its "exclusively inclusive of all who are in any form of local ministry" and I'm sure they don't mean the "unseen" ministry of faithful members. And they think its funny and witty to use "exclusively inclusive". Since when is the church meant to be exclusive?

You may ask me, "why are you still serving in church then?" Well, thats because I'm not exactly affected by these politics. I serve God the way I do and I enjoy it. I enjoy helping out where I can, I enjoy meeting new people and helping them when they need help, I enjoy worshipping God together with others.

Then why do I write about it? Its not exactly to complain, but rather, to show that not everything is set in stone, perfect, the one TRUTH that is to be beheld. That the church has its own little flaws as well, fallible and open to criticisms. Although God is perfect, I have to admit that Christianity sometimes isn't.

So, if Christianity is flawed and fallible? What then is THE TRUTH that everybody is seeking? I shall introduce here what is termed as "perception".

Perception is the way you see things. It is affected by yourself, your experiences, your knowledge, the people around you and your surroundings. Simply put, its your point of view. So if you are raised a muslim, you will believe very firmly that Islam provides THE TRUTH. If you are buddhist, you will believe that Buddhism is THE TRUTH. If you are hindu, you will believe HINDUISM contains THE TRUTH. And christians will of course believe that Christianity is THE TRUTH.

I am sometimes really thankful for the fact that I am living in Singapore, a place where I can witness first-hand the fervency and faithfulness of other religious people that might even throw my own into question. If I was in a christian dominant country such as the United States, it is of course easy to say that Christianity is the ONLY truth and get away with it. But in Singapore, you really need to put alot more thought into that.

If you look at it this way, there probably isn't any TRUTH going around. A will say B is not the truth, B will say C is not the truth, C will say A is not the truth. Its like a scissors-paper-stone game, endless and inconclusive.

If thats the case, if religions simply do not provide the truth but merely perceptions, should we all become atheists and believe that there is no such thing as the truth? I do not think so. Simply because I still believe that THE TRUTH exists.

What then is, THE TRUTH? It is something that we can never grasp but something that we can only BELIEVE in. Simply put, THE TRUTH is really that which we believe in. The truth is where our beliefs are.

How then do you reconcile the different truths going around because of different beliefs and religions? There is no reconciling. One belief is no more truer than the other. How true your belief is really depends on how much you believe in. Religion is not the truth, religion guides you to it.

That said, how do you evangelise? I believe that you do not evangelise with truth. That is to say, you do not go around and try to convince and reason and argue your truth to others. You live it out, you let your beliefs show in your life and lead others to believe with you and then they can find the truth for themselves.

I cannot begin to explain the logic behind the truth or even try to prove the existence of this truth. It is beyond me. Fallible, yes, because I am merely a human trying to understand a concept greater than I. What is fallible is not the truth, is not God, but is the one that tries to explain it.

But I can only offer this, that the truth is simply what you believe.

Here's an Ichigo moment

Just finished 248 and Ichigo has done it again. Here's an Ichigo moment for you.



"It attacked me!"

Like, DUH? What were you expecting?

GIRL POWER!

Well, I got started on FFX-2, should I say 'finally'?

I made a real stupid mistake that caused me 5 hours of my life though. After 5 hours into the game and clearing Chapter 1, I recalled that I need 100% completion of sidequests and main story and mini-drama and what not in order to get Tidus to come back to Spira. (yes, I still want him back)

So well, I decided to go online to check out if I was on track still, and alas, I was not. I completely missed out ALL the side quests on Chapter 1 and apparently, once you missed it, you missed it. The game is that merciless and does not let me do Chapter 1 sidequests on Chapter 2.

In the spirit of wanting to get that Tidus idiot back and letting my characters have an easier time by levelling them up early in the game (my original attempt was rather difficult with them dying quickly) and to have a more fulfilling gaming experience, I decided to... yes, replay the game.

The game feels alot like a combination of Final Fantasy Tactics (with the Job system) + Sailormoon (with girl power and costume changing sequence) + Final Fantasy X (well, obviously).

And I see Shinra. I think this is the first time I see Shinra other than from FFVII. And he's this smart kid that is really good with machinery. Maybe he founded Shinra Electric.

Well, I guess its time for the girls to run the show now then. "We are Y.R.P!"

Really, so much have changed. Zarnakand, the people, their attitudes, Spira itself. And I have control of an airship right at the start. I don't know what to say.

Its 1/8 done.

Yeah to me.

My exams are finally over. I feel... light.

Its my 1st time taking exams in university and I must say, its been rather difficult. I do not know if its because its been too long since I last had any academic exams, or if its just because university exams are just different from 'A' levels and 'O' levels. I just didn't know how to go about preparing for them.

In the end, after asking a few friends and looking at the scope of the exams, I did find out and defined my own method of studying. I must admit though, it wasn't easy.

For the papers itself, I have to say that its definitely manageable. But I cannot grasp even the slightest hint of how well I am going to do, because all the questions are so general and subjective, with lit being lit. So don't ask me. I am not thinking about it anyway.

Okay, enough about that. But I must mention that I went for sushi buffet today to celebrate. :D

I was reading my archives, those first few posts in my blog (yes my own archives, call me narcissist) and I really enjoyed them. Haha. *ALERT - Self-praise happening* I felt that my writing style was really cute, despite of some funny grammar and lack of paragraphing. More importantly, I really liked my own content. Its so different from what I am writing now. Something's changed in me over the past 5 years and its all recorded on this blog. Isn't that amazing? Oh my. I shall entertain myself with what I wrote for the next few days.

On a side note, I feel extremely proud that I mentioned Sigmund Freud in my paper today even though I didn't study him! That would give the examiner the illusion that I have such overflowing knowledge that I can use something that is not covered. But the fact remains that I studied him in JC. :P

And... oh yeah! Its 1/8 of my university done! That's one-eighth. Is that how you write it in english? I think so.

I am currently considering if I should switch anime or follow another manga/anime because Bleach is getting really stupid. Am considering Naruto but, geez, I am soooooooooooooooooooooo faaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrr behind if I just start now. Maybe I should just go read its manga. Heard that Naruto's anime is 2/3 fillers. -_-"

Anyway, Bleach 247 just showed that Ichigo's power ranges from Getsuga Tenshou to Ultimate Getsuga Tenshou.

"He's been waiting for..." "Ichigo-kun's ultimate attack..." "GETSUGA TENSHOU!"

*bangs head on wall*

Am going to return the FFXII but then... what am I going to play?!?! Maybe FFX-2, or Kingdom Hearts, or FFVII (if I can find a PS1 Memory Card or get my PS1 back), or FFIX. Or maybe, just maybe, I might buy myself a PS3 for Christmas and then play... hur hur. :P