Pieces Of Gold - Water, Fire, Hammer

There is this girl whom I know whose life is a great encouragement and teaching to me. She didn't start well. In secondary school, she was influenced greatly by bad company and became a hooligan. She started smoking. She attached vulgarities to the things she said. She acted like she owned the world. She was what we would call, a mess up. She was literally running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction. It would be easy for people to think that she was in a hole so deep she would never be able to climb out. But that was not the case.

There is no pit too deep that God could not pull a person out! She was pulled out. She was saved and her life changed completely. And now, she leads and teach others in the right path. A completely changed person. All this? A perfect example of the work of God. Our life is in fact the ultimate testimony that we can show to anybody that we meet. A completely changed life is all the more better.

Does anyone know how we get the precious metal called gold? How we get that nice jewellery that is worth so much? Gold. It is 1st extracted from the mines as ore. Gold ore. This gold ore is dirty. Theres soil all around it. What to do? The people then use the water to wash this soil away. Wash wash. Some soil are much harder than others to get washed. But eventually, all the soil will be washed away. And that piece of gold ore will be clean. This is what God does with us too. When we are found by God, He will wash away all the sins from us. We will be clean. And from there we can be used by God to do His work.

What does the gold miner do with the gold ore then? He will then put the gold ore into fire and smelt it. He will smelt it so that the gold ore is ready to be worked on by him. The process of smelting is done so as to remove impurities that cannot be removed by just washing through water. God will sometime put us through fire to help us remove our impurities too. You know, just coming to know the Lord will not make us a good person completely. We sometimes have to go through many difficulties to purge the impurities from our lives. To be completely in tune with the christian walk. God puts us through trials to let us know that we need to depend on Him. That is how we develop in the christian walk.

After smelting, the gold miner will take the pure gold and beat it. Beating it with the hammer untill it becomes the shape that is desired. After the beating, the gold would then be valuable and become very worthy. Many a times, God beats us into shape through difficulties in our lives. These difficulties are those that make us a stronger christian so that we can do God's work even better. The gold miner will beat the gold, yes. But he will never beat it untill it breaks. Thats because the breaking the piece of gold would be wasting the gold miner's efforts and time. God will not put us through a trial that we cannot handle. God only puts us through trials that will make us strong. Eventually, we will be made stronger and stronger, being able to do more and more of God's work.

This girl that I know, I could see her life undergo the water, the fire and the hammer of God. From a dirty piece of gold ore, she has been transformed by the hand of God into a precious jewellery. I encourage all of my friends to pick up from this lesson, and learn not to give up when God is shaping you to be a stronger christian. And also, to not despise others and think them as "hopeless". Everyone of us, regardless of status, race, gender, age, education are all pieces of gold. God wants us to help this gold pieces to go under His hand and become precious jewellery.

I encourage all of those who are reading this to see beyond the soil and dirt in a person's life and see the true value of the gold in them. Every soul is valuable. There is no soil that is too difficult to wash off, no impurities too hard to remove and no gold too hard to shape. There is no pit too deep that God cannot reach.

Exam Day 8: Literature Conquered, A'Levels War End

Today is a significant day. The war has ended. With one final battle, Literature has been conquered and the A'Levels war come to an end. Its finally over. The war which started on 2nd November 2006 has finally come to a close on 24th November 2006. And I lived through it.

Today's paper is English Literature Paper 5, also otherwise known as Open Texts Paper. So I basically I bring in 3 texts which I have studied before and do questions on them. Well, the 3 texts issued to us by the school was Top Girls, The God Of Small Things, Another Place. All of them are not easy. But well, no choice la, still need to do lo.

This morning I woke up to find myself in the last day of A'levels. Man, I must say I was really excited. So I woke up at 6am to call Christine to wake up too and then go bathe and change all this. Took a bus to school and reached at around 7.15am. Sat down to study one last time. Then Ann came to join me, followed by Liuzhen, then Janice, then Vivien. One last time. Thats it. I packed up at 7.48am and put my bag in my locker. Today's battlefield: F2-46. That will be where it all end. Reached the classroom at about 7.50am and sat down. Can't get all excited yet or I might just lose it at the last paper. So I kept calm.

• 7.50am: Sat down, calm down and pray
• 7.52am: Take writing paper. Write down name on cover sheet.
• 7.55am: Get question paper. Check check.
• 7.58am: Start paper. Write write.
• 10.58am: End paper. Smiling to myself.
• 11.02am: Leave classroom. Big smile on my face. Its finally over.

Well, no screams no nothing. We are mild people. But everybody was happy, thats for sure. It is finally over. A'levels, done. So we just kept talking to each other with big smiles on our face. Went to play soccer with Bright, Jonathan, Izzat, Sankaran, Vipul, Stanley and Zavier. The girls said they were tired, so ok lo. Soccer was great coz we were all super duper relaxed lo. Then it rained heavily so we played in the rain untill I was soaking wet lo.

Some teacher came and told us off so we moved up to the hall to play. It was fun. After playing they just decided to stay around in school while I quickly went home. I can't stand my socks and shoes being all soaked so I just went back to get my feet dry. Its quite a sick feeling, if you know what I mean. Went home, have lunch then took a short nap. And here I am blogging.

So what am I going to do next. I don't know. But definitely not study. I have so much time on my hands, I am so free!! I can do all the things I like. I can do all the things I used to do. Play online games, cycle, night cycling, cycling at P.Ubin, swimming, gym, basketball, movie, soccer, jogging, go beach, waste time... anything. Anything anything. Its a good feeling. Its a really good feeling. This 1 month of free time, I am going to make sure I enjoy myself. Untill I go packing to Pulau Tekong...

Exam Day 7 - Battling Literature Part 2

This post is pretty late I would say, but I still managed to make it before the day ends. Ok ok, today was exam day no.7. The 2nd paper of English Literature that I would have to take. Today's paper is, English Literature Paper 4. Well, paper 4 is basically the topic paper. Each school chooses a topic to study and then sit for the exam. There are many different topics ranging from War Literature to Detective Literature. For my school, we take a topic called The Gothic Tradition.

So my day starts with me waking up at 6am in the morning. Yesterday slept pretty early at about 1.30am coz I needed to be fully alert for the literature papers. So I woke up, called Christine to wake up as well then went to bathe and changed up. What to study for gothic... well, I just took my note book with me and read it while I head to school. Of course, as usual, I slept on the bus. I wanted as much sleep as possible so I won't feel sleepy during the paper :)

Ok, reached school at about 7.20am. Met Izzat at the notice board and realised that our exam venue wasn't announced yet. So we jus sat down and studied together. Then a teacher came by to tell us the exam venue. F2-46. Same place as the last literature paper. Well well, so Izzat and I studied untill about 7.45am then we put our bags in the locker and headed to the classroom. Battlefield for today is: F2-46. Same old place. When I reached the classroom, there were people inside already so I just went in and sit down. Time: 7.48am

• 7.48am: Sat down, prayed
• 7.52am: Writing papers given out. Write name all.
• 7.55am: Question paper given out. Check check.
• 8.00am: Start paper. Write write.
• 11.00am: End paper. Glad it ended.

Ok, so that basically wraps up my English Literature Paper 4. Its an average paper and I think managed to pull it off. Well, I tried my best and thats the most important.

After the exam, my friends and I went for lunch at Lot1. People present were Bright, Jonathan, Izzat, Evan, Winnie, Janice, Samantha and me. Well, I had fried chicken with rice and we just crapped in the food court over a cup of honey milk tea. Relaxation after the exam is very important. During the chat session, it is decided that tomorrow after the last paper, we will go play sports in school to relax. The guys insist on soccer, but the girls... well, we need to compromise. So tomorrow will include a whole array of sports like soccer, volleyball, handball, captain ball and touch rugby. See can play what then play what lo.

After lunch I went back home and take a nap. Went online then went out for the whole night. Details of my night out is not for viewing. :) Hehe. Then reached home and blogged already. Just before midnight I managed rush to blog. Cool huh.

Well, tomorrow is my last paper. English Literature Paper 5. That is the Open-Texts paper. Not an easy paper at all and I have never been good at it. After that. COMPLETE freedom!!!! Gosh, I can't wait at all! I can't wait for the A'levels to be conquered and the war to be over! All the way!!!

Things you CAN'T do when you're NOT in a pool

Do you remember what you usually tend to do when you are swimming at the pool. Well, heres a reason why you do them only at the pool. Not anywhere else.

Exam Day 6 - The Fight Into Literature part 1

Well, this post is basically one day late. The real exam day 6 was 17th November 2006 but due to an extremely tight schedule, I was unable to blog yesterday. Therefore this post had to wait untill now.

Ok, yesterday was the 6th day I am having exams. It was English Literature Paper 8. Paper 8 is a paper called "Practical Criticism", which is also "Comment and Appreciation". So basically what you do is that you read a work of literature, and then comment on how the author uses different techniques to bring out the theme of the work. Not quite easy.

Yup, so my exam day starts with me waking up at about 12.15pm I think. My memory is starting to fail me, its been too long so I cannot really remember all the details correctly now. Well, the paper starts at 2.30pm so I guess I had some time. Woke up, got my studying materials then went to eat my lunch at home. Then just bathe and change up for school. Feeling tired, slept at 4am the previous night.

Ok, so I got onto the bus and decided to clear my mind. I need to do this especially before this paper because paper 8 is one which really requires me to have a clear head and understand the work properly. If my mind is too full of thoughts, I will be so dead. Yup, so I basically just shut my eyes and clear my thoughts and pray at the same time in the bus untill I reach school. Reached school at about 2.05pm I think.

2.05pm, I finally reach school. Sat down with Izzat and Evan to study. They were just sitting down at the bench chatting while I was the only one studying lo. Haha. They just seem so relaxed. Well, so after some final revision of the concepts, I put my bag into the locker at about 2.15pm. Headed to the exam venue. The battlefield was: F2-46 classroom. Well its finally not the hall. Reach there at 2.15pm. Just hang around outside the classroom while I was cooling and calming myself down. 2.20pm, we were told to go into the room.

• 2.20pm: Enter room, get my seat, prayed
• 2.23pm: Get the papers and everything. Pass down the writing papers.
• 2.25pm: Get the question paper.
• 2.28pm: Waiting for someone who is late to come, so we cannot start early
• 2.30pm: She didn't come in time, so we started the paper. Read read read.
• 5.30pm: Finished the paper. Not feeling too fantastic about it but glad that it was finally over.
• 5.40pm: Leave the exam room. No one was screaming coz everyone in the room won't end literature untill next friday.

Ok, so that concludes the 1st paper I need to take for Literature. Only 2 more papers left for literature. Papers 4 and 5. Both are not easy. Literature has never been an easy subject at all. Ok, so after the paper, the whole gang decided to go have dinner. So Bright, Winnie, Janice, Izzat, Evan, Jonathan and me went to Lot1 Food Culture to have dinner. Had this pretty tasty chicken cutlet and the soup was pretty good. Lol, after eating I slacked abit then needed to go off already. I have to go church lo. So I split from them at about 6.50pm then headed off to church.

Reached Yishun at about 7.15pm. I knew I would be late. So I just went to the bus interchange to take 804 to church. Didn't realise Jeff was the same bus as me. So I took the bus untill church then met Jeff in church. He told me he was on the same bus. Lol, what could I say... I wasn't looking. So reached church at about 7.45pm. Sang the last worship song. Haha. Then watch the movie. Christmas Child. It's a movie about a guy who was abandoned and then go to some town in Dallas called Clearwater to seek his past. Well, I managed to stay awake through the movie.

After church, went to eat with a whole bunch of people at 925. Mr Melvin drove once again this time and piloted Luke, Joshua, Bernice and me to 925. Lol. Didn't have money with me so I just drank Horlicks Ice. Cool huh. Spent some time crapping with a whole bunch of people. Trina, Feressa, Christine, Stephanie, my sister, Debrina, Dorothy, Alex, Maverick, Luke, Melvin, Joshua. Thats alot of people. 3 tables full of us. Pretty cool huh.

So after supper, Melvin sent the CCK bunch back, which includes Dorothy, Maverick, Bernice, Joshua, my sis and me. Yup. On the way, Christine asked me to go to Trina's house. I obliged. So when I reached home, I quickly did my workout then bathe then went out. Thats the reason why I didn't blog this post yesterday.

Took a cab at 1am then met Christine at Yishun then continued on to Trina's house at Hougang. Reached Trina's house at don't know what time. It is pretty interesting that I know the location of her house without needing to ask her. All based just on my intuition. Cool huh. Well, I've been there before so I roughly know where it is...

Ok, so just spent time in Trina's house. People present were: Trina, Christine, Stephanie, Debrina and me. So I just spent some time chatting with the girls, then I did some studying, then played PS then watched VCD. After that, everyone jus zoned out and all jus fell asleep on the floor. Next thing I knew was that my face was in someone's hair and I woke up. I think it was around 7.15am already. I did my devotion with just prayers coz my bible wasn't with me and then just hang around the living room. Woke Trina up at 8am coz she needed to go work, and she told me to give her another 10minutes. Woke her again at 8.15am and she told me to give her another 5 minutes. Woke her up at 8.30am and she didn't bother me. So I just went back to sleep. By the time I woke up, everyone else was awake. It was about 9.30am I think. Yup, then played PS with Christine while Debrina watched some korean VCD and Trina went to work and Stephanie was doing something in Trina's room.

After some time, at about 12pm I think, we all decided that we are hungry then went to have lunch at some hawker centre at Hougang Central. Then we took the North East Line down. Christine and I alighted at Dhoby Ghaut to transfer onto North South Line while Debrina took on to Outram Park to get onto East-West Line coz she lives at Redhill. Fell asleep on the train and Christine alighted at Yishun. She still got heart.sports after that. For me, I took on to Yew Tee then went home. Fell asleep when I reached home at about 3.30pm. Next thing I knew was that it was already 8.15pm so I just turned on my computer to start blogging.

Well, 2 more exam days left, 2 more papers. A'levels is finally coming to an end. Still got about 5 more days until the next paper come. I need to relax already. Last week's 5 consecutive papers has taken alot out of me and I eventually lost steam during the last two papers. I need to get back my energy, and then, FULL STEAM AHEAD!

Exam Day 5 - Conquering Geography

And finally, after 5 days of exams, the second core subject is conquered. Geography. Today, I took my Geography Paper 2. Well, this basically is the human geography paper. Er, human geography refers to the study of population, urban growth, tourism and this kinda stuff. Some people thought I was studying... human. -_-"

Ok, moving on. Today's paper starts at 9am. And I didn't sleep untill about 4am yesterday. Well, I spent quite some time on the internet then studied as well. Muahahaha. Ok, so I was awoken at 7.30am by my mum. Apparently, I did something to my alarm unconciously and it just did not really ring. Thank God for my mum... the unconcious me is... hard to predict.

Yup, so I woke up at 7.30am then went off to take a bath and change then head off to school already. After getting like only 3 and half hours of sleep, I felt super super lethargic. So I just took a short nap on the bus. Didn't really want to study on the way there. Nothing was in my hand. OK! Reached school at about 8.20am. Started studying in school by myself. This time, I bought some milo from the canteen to drink. I felt really hungry. But milo solved the problem!

At 8.45am, I decided to pack up and put my bag in the locker. So that I did then I went to exam venue. Todays battlefield: The Hall, yet again. Reach the hall at about 8.50am. Slacked with Bright and Alvin outside. Alvin was still burying his head in his notes. Ok, time to go into the hall 8.53am.

• 8.53am: Enter hall, sit down. Prayed
• 8.55am: Receive question paper. Check check.
• 8.58am: Start exam. Start scribbling.
• 11.58am: End exam. Stop writing. Sigh of relief
• 12.10am: Leave hall. People screaming in joy coz it was their last paper. Couldn't be bothered about them.

And that does it. Geography is done. Geography is conquered. And this leave me with just one more subject to conquer: English Literature. Ok, sincerely, thats my weakest subject but no doubt I will do my best to conquer it! 1st literature paper is tmr... English Literature Paper 8...

Ok, so after the paper, it was time to deal with my hunger pangs. Went to eat with Bright, Alvin and Belinda. Had a little meal at Lot1 macdonald's. Had student's meal. Ha. I realised I was very poor. Only 4 dollars in my wallet. So ya, student's meal was affordable. Then we just hang around at Lot1, see vcd and all then went back.

Reached home. Waste abit of time on the net then I slept already. Haha, my eyes were super tired and my brain couldn't concentrate at all. So I didn't blog. I only start to blog now when I have had enough sleep already.

3 more exam days left... 3 more papers... 1 more subject...

Exam Day 4 - Conquering Economics

Today is the 4th day I am having my exams. Well, I am already halfway into it and right now, I am in the heart of the A'levels. This is the 'stress week'. The week with the most papers. 5 papers in 4 days. Thats really crazy. Plus the papers are all back to back. Ok, nvm, I only have 2 papers left for this week...

So, whats for today? Economics paper 1 and paper 2. The last economics papers I am going to take. Which simply means, economics is completed and done. Paper 1 is just MCQ and paper 2 is DRQ. MCQ = Multiple Choice Questions and DRQ = Data Response Questions. Ok, thats for the people who are wondering. Today's paper starts at 2pm. I woke up at 11.20am. Slept last night at 4am, spent the entire night watching anime -_-"

Ok, so I woke up at 11.20am. Apparently I turned off my alarm so I could get some peaceful sleep... I turned it off unconciously. I woke up and realised that I had better get some studying done. So I jus studied abit then bathe then went to eat lunch with my mum. Had duck rice + fishball soup with mum at 12.30pm then went off to school at 1pm.

Took an MRT this time. Then take bus at CCK interchange. Ok. So I actually did some studying on the way to school. Reached school at about 1.25pm. I studied myself today. Couldn't really find people to study with in school. Then my stomach got abit upset so I went to the toilet to erm... let it be less upset. Got out of the loo at 1.45pm then put my bag in the locker and head to exam venue. Today's battlefield: The Hall, again. Hang around outside the hall and then went in at 1.53pm.

• 1.53pm: Sat down, said my prayers
• 1.57pm: Checking to make sure my pencils are working and loaded with lead
• 1.58pm: Receive question papers
• 2.00pm: Check check
• 2.02pm: Start exam. Start shading boxes on paper
• 3.02pm: End exam. Feeling that the paper is really tough.

And that was paper 1, the MCQ paper. Finished with MCQ paper, had to wait for part 2. The DRQ paper. Well, theres a half hour break so we just worry each other by discussing about the MCQ paper. I told my friends I have a hunch that International Trade might come out for DRQ.

• 3.25pm: Enter exam hall again. Sit down and said prayers
• 3.27pm: Receive question paper. Crap, its not International Trade
• 3.28pm: Start paper. Start reading data. Write
• 5.13pm: End paper. Felt that it was really tough.
• 5.20pm: Leave hall. Hear people screaming in joy coz it was their last paper. Felt like punching them. Didn't punch them.

Ok, and that ends Economics once and for all! Wooohooo. Yeah, it was tough. Wasn't easy and I didn't feel I do very in this one. But well, its over! Economics had been conquered and its the 1st subject conquered in this A'levels war! Well, had dinner with Bright and gang then hang around at Lot1 then I had to go for G12.

G12, Ton talked something about Moses being loving to his people and all. Ya, ok, lets all be loving, and pray for our friends :) Yeah, Bright understands this best. Ah well, had nuggets and some crackers then go home already. Ton said he's gonna bring us for bowling once my A'levels are over next friday. Muahahaha.

Tomorrow is my Human Geography paper, also known as Geography paper2. Gonna be the last Geography paper I am taking and yeah! Tomorrow will be the day I conquer Geography! Study study~~~~ :)

Exam Day 3 - Fighting for Economics part 1

Today, is the 3rd day of my exam. Paper for the day: Economics Paper 3. Well, paper 3 refers to my essay paper and is really the most dreaded one of the 3 economics paper.

So, my day starts with me waking up at about 11am. The paper is at 2pm so I have some time to revise. Slept late last night at about 3am. So ya, 8 hours sleep, just enough. Was intending to wake up at 8am, but well, I just kept on pressing the snooze button on my alarm for 3 hours. Haha. I just did some last minute revision, had lunch, bathe then go school.

This time, I managed to get some reading done on the way to school and on the bus. Didn't take too long and I am at school already. Reached school at about 1.30pm. Sat down and studied abit with Hu Gang then packed up and put my bag in the locker at 1.40pm. Went to the exam venue at 1.45pm. Todays battlefield: The Hall. Yup, I just walked about outside the hall and talked to other people then went into the hall at 1.57pm. Prayed outside the hall.

• 1.57pm: Sat down and calmed myself down.
• 1.59pm: Got my paper and praying.
• 2.02pm: Start paper. Start scribbling. Start wrecking my brain.
• 4.17pm: End paper. Smile on my face
• 4.24pm: Scripts collected, leave the hall. Exam Over.

And that concludes my econs essay!!! Wooo! I just love it when an exam ends. It means I don't have to face it anymore! Well, today I didn't ask if anybody wanted to go eat coz I wasn't really hungry. Had lunch already. So I just went straight home. Some secondary school kids on the bus with me were talking about their A.Math paper. -_-" And I realised the living room TV is fixed. Cool!

Well, tomorrow is the concluding part for economics. Last economics papers I have to take! And thursday is human geography, also the last geography paper to take! Yeah! And I have to be in school on thursday only at 9am coz some American wants to come Singapore. So ya, more sleep for me :)

Missing

Its been 4 days since the incident happened on Sunday, 5th November 2006. Still I can't seem to recover from what happened. I can't believe how badly affected I really am. I miss her so badly. I thought it was going to be alright. That I will recover after awhile. But no, its getting worse. Its getting worse day after day.

Almost every second I will thinking of her. Pictures of her will flash past my mind one after the other. Her voice saturate my thoughts. I simply cannot forget her. Thoughts of her have infiltrated me like a virus, and they are just multiplying. As each second pass, I am missing her more.

It really hurt bad. I hope this will not affect my performance for the A'lvls. When Mr Yeo talked about the impact that relationships can have on our exam capabilities, I just brushed it off as crap. Now I realise it is real. It can affect exam capabilities and I cannot allow it to happen.

Its as though she's missing. Its as though she has disappeared into thin air. She's no longer there anymore. She's just not herself. I don't know whats going on. How is she feeling? Is she badly affected as well? I do not know. All these missing links. All these missing pieces. The puzzle cannot be completed.

And I learnt to depend upon God to give me strength. Personally, I am totally broken. The human me is done for. All I have is to depend upon God. What else can I lean on? People disappoint. People can betray you. People can backstab on you. People might not understand. People might misunderstand. Only God is on your side, always. And I recall the 4 F'dmonitions Of Christian Living:

• Fret Not
• Fear Not
• Faint Not
• Forget Not

Exam Day 2 - The Battle For Geography Part 1

Yeah, today is geography paper 1. Physical geography. Well, geography is the subject I scored best in for my prelim exams, but that doesn't really mean I don't have to prepare for it. I need to. Geography is something you can't trick past. You need to KNOW YOUR STUFF. Ok. So here goes.

I slept at about 3.30am. Turned out my air-con was spoiled. Oh well. Never mind. I woke up at 9.00am to do my last minute revision. The paper is at 2pm so I have some hours to do the revision, which basically is like 4 topics. I won't be able to finish preparing for all, thats for sure. So I revised, went online, talked to some people, revised again. Then mum woke up at about 11am and ask me to go have breakfast with her. So I did. Came back from breakfast at about 11.45am. Wanted to get abit of studying but then I fell asleep. Woke up at 12.15pm. Crap.

So I went to take a bath. Then wear my uniform all then go to school already. As usual, I will take a piece of paper to read. Its called preparing on the go. But, I was really tired. So I jus slept on the bus instead. Vroom vroom, and I am at CCK interchange. Vroom vroom, and I am at school. Walked to school. Don't want to read notes while walking, afraid I might knock into something. So "preparing on the go" didn't really work out.

Ok, reach school at about 1.15pm and met Ann to study together. Ann is a cute girl and she don't seem to be worried abit about the exams. Always smiling. Its good to be positive. Its good. Ok, so we study study and in came Vivien. Vivien looks abit worried but I guess due to her smartness, theres really no need for her to worry about anything. Well, she came and went to the canteen to buy tissue. I guess she dun need any last minute studying ba. Then in came Liuzhen. Ok, Liuzhen is kan chiong, as usual. Came and put her bag then went to the toilet. Then came back again and asked me for my hydro notes so I lent her and she started reading. Then I was just about to pack up and in came Janice. Janice looked flustered. She looks super worried. She always look worried. Turns out that last night she slept at 4 and didn't do any studying and then woke up late today and didn't do any studying too. Ah well... thats a reason to be worried.

Ok, so I packed up my things and went to my locker to put my things. Went to the exam hall. Today's battle venue: The Hall. Time of entry: 1.40pm.

• 1.40pm: Entry, walked about outside hall to wait for instructions to go in.
• 1.45pm: Enter, hall, sit down, prayed
• 1.50pm: Calming myself down
• 1.53pm: Get the exam scripts. Check check check.
• 1.57pm: Start exam.
• 4.57pm: End exam.
• 5.15pm: Leave hall. Sigh of relief

Hooray! And that concludes my physical geography!!! I realised that people have worried looks on their faces. They tell me they didn't manage their time well and didn't complete some questions. Ah... I wanted to tell them "Didn't Mr Osman always said to manage your time well... haven't you learnt yet?" but well, its probably too cruel so I just kept quiet. Wanted to go eat but no one was in the mood, so I just went home. And when I reach home, idiot Huan Jian ask me to go eat with him at Lot1. What?! I mean I just left Lot1 and you want me to go to Lot1?? Ok, I obliged. So I am going to eat with him now. 3 hours paper made me really hungry...

Untitled, still

My miracle did not arrive. She said. No. Actually she did not really say it. She just stopped smiling. Stopped smiling. I got the idea. She did not say no simply because I did not ask. And this saved me from the pits of rejection. I did not know what to do. I simply stood there. Stood there like how I had been all along. Like what I had been doing all along. I quietly took my heart back, turned and walk away. I simply fade into the crowd around me.

I knew this would happen anyway. I was no cassanova. I was not romantic. I wasn't your tall, dark, handsome group of men. I wasn't rich. I wasn't superbly intelligent. I wasn't anything. I was just me. Me, average me. As I blend into the crowd, I looked back at her. She was outstanding. She simply catches the eye of those who pass. How would I have fit anyway.

I walked on. Holding my dear heart. People are not noticing yet. But soon they will. They will probably say, "you shouldn't even have tried anyway." "you should have expected this." I know what they all will say. But still, I hold no regrets. That, simply because I tried. I tried and I did not regret. I didn't believe in not trying. I believed in trying. In fact, I am already glad that my heart was once held by her. That I had the opportunity to stand in front of her. Though brief it may be, such moments are precious and dear.

I tried to fit my heart back into the void where it used to be. It did not fit. It could not fit. It didn't want to fit. Perhaps it would take just a little more time before my heart could get used to being with me again. To being alone again. It would just have to take a little more time. For now, I just have to hold it. Hold it, untill it recovers.

And I just walk on. Like how I used to walk all my life. The path is familiar. The routines are not strange to me. The people who had been on the road are still here. Not much have changed. Except me. But I suppose it won't be long before I get to become who I was again. Get to place my heart in where it is supposed to be. Get to be whole, again.

And who knows. Maybe along this journey of mine, I might be able to find someone whom I could exchange hearts with. Or maybe, even, I might come one round to this spot again. To find her standing there again. To stand in front of her again. To give her my heart again. And maybe, just maybe, when that time comes, I would receive her heart, and she would keep mine.

And perhaps this story would come to a close for now. Even though the ending is not one I would wish for, it is still an ending I would have to accept. That, simply because I am not the author. I am simply the character. But perhaps this is not the end yet. Perhaps a new chapter would open. And perhaps in this new chapter, the ending could be one that I would wish for.

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Recently my mind has been in a mess. I could not concentrate on what I am doing and I am just not myself. I figured out that something is wrong with me so I went to the doctor to check up. After an examination, the doctor diagnosed what is the problem. He told me that my heart has been stolen.

I was shocked. What? My heart is stolen? I couldn't believe it. I reached out and touched where my heart used to be. Its gone. When? Who? How? I couldn't remember. Since when was my heart stolen from me? I didn't know. I looked at the void in my chest. Then I remembered what happened. No one stole my heart. I gave my heart to someone. To. Her.

It cannot be like this. I was distraught. I cannot allow myself to remain like this. So I went out. I ran out onto the streets. Desperately looking. Frantically searching. Kept on walking. A man without a heart. It wasn't that hard to find. She wasn't that hard to find. She's been there all along. She's been holding my heart and she might not even have realised it. She looked at me, wondering what I want.

I wanted to ask for my heart. It did not happen. I could not ask back for my heart. In fact, I did not even want my heart back. It was for her. It was intended for her. I finally realised what had happened. All I wanted was her heart. The void was for her to fill.

I wanted to ask for her heart. Still it did not happen. I could not do it. I could not ask. I realised how much of a coward I actually am. A man without guts. A man without a heart. Its not her that I am afraid of. It is the result. Of course it would be wonderful if she would give me her heart if I asked, but what if she would not? I realised that I am unable to face rejection. I realised that I would crush under rejection. I just could not face the consequences. In fact, I do not even know how to ask. I do not know how to open my mouth to ask for her heart. I just do not know.

She looked at me with a smile. Does she know what I want? Does she know what I am here for? Does she know why I am standing in front of her? Its almost as if she would give her heart to me if I would ask. Yet, it seems not. She could be smiling to everybody else. Theres so many people around me. So many people. They all have a heart with them. They looked at me, wondering whats wrong. Why is he not having a heart? Why is she holding 2 hearts? They know whats wrong. They could figure it out. However, they could not help. Some tell me to just take my own heart and go. Some tell me to ask her for her heart.

I could not figure out who to listen to. I am confused. I know what I wanted to do. I just could not do it. I just did not know how to ask. So all I do is just stand in front of her. Without a heart. Speechless. Motionless. Waiting for a miracle. Waiting for something to just happen. Waiting for my courage to arrive. Waiting for someone to push me. Waiting for someone to pull me away. Waiting, waiting. Me. Her. Them.

You CAN

This video clip tells the tale of father and son, Dick and Rick Hoyt. The son was apparently paralysed from neck down and could not move. However, the father did not want his son to give up on his life and kept on encouraging him. As an attempt to show his son the value of not giving up, he joined the triathlon with his son and managed to complete it. A triathlon is a sport competition that involves the need to run long distance, swim and cycle. During one marathon, along with his son, he completed the race only 35 minutes behind the winner. Total respect. It is really inspiring as it shows us not to give up even in the face of adversities. As Winston Churchill said when United Kingdom faced the Germans in World War 2, "Never, never give up"


A Moving Story Of One Incredible Father - Video - video powered by Metacafe

Apart from that, this also shows us how God, our heavenly father always carry us on with the race even when we are in our pits. Even when we are unable to carry ourselves to the finish line, God is always there to carry us through. I wish to encourage all of my friends out there, do not be discouraged. Do not give up. God is always there to help you. God is always helping you.

Exam Day 1 - The General Paper War

Today is the day. Its the big day. The day my A'levels start. 1st paper - General paper.

So I started the day waking up at 6 and bathing all. Reach school extra early coz I wanted to do some final touch up and revision. So I did. Christine called me at 7am when I am on my way to school. Was supposed to call her at 7am but turned out she called me. Haha, happened that she did not sleep the whole night. So I got some final encouragement from her and went into school. Reached school at about 7.10 am. Read up my vocab and some other things on structure, just to make sure I don't make any stupid mistakes in the paper.

• 7.30am, pack up my stuff, put my bag in the locker and head to the exam room.
  G2-39, the battle field for today. 1st paper of the day is - General Paper 1.
  
• 7.40am, sitting down waiting, praying to God for one final time
  
• 7.50am, receive the paper, trying to cool myself down
  
• 7.58am,
  Start exam, read questions and start writing
  
• 9.28am, End paper1, stop
  writing and go out of room to take a break
  
• 9.50am, Back in the room
  again, utter prayers and wait to start
  
• 9.58am, start paper2, read
  passage and start writing
  
• 11.28am, stop paper2, a sigh of relief
  
  

General paper is done!!!! It is over!!! I am so glad. No more general paper for the rest of my life. I am going to take the papers down 1 by 1... Next battle is... Geography paper. Date of battle... 8/11/2006, wednesday. Pray for me. I will bring victory back. KOs are hard to achieve... but I slowly fight untill I win :)