Free-will?

In that now much-neglected classic Penguin Island, Anatole France tells the story of an old half-blind Celtic saint, St. Mael, who goes off one day in his miraculous stone boat, is swept north by a current and lands on an ice floe. He is immediately surrounded by a flock of small, inquisitive, chattering creatures and being too short-sighted to see that they are penguins, he baptized them. This raises grave theological difficulties for the celestial authorities, and in the council in heaven meets to discuss the problem, doctors of the church and saints debate the fate of the baptized penguins. It is finally decided to turn them into human beings, and they are thus subject to the fate of man - the fall from grace, the expulsion from the garden, sin, work, disease, and death, judgment and redemption. (As the Almighty remarks, they would have been much better off if they had gone on being penguins.) He closes the debate with a reminder to himself that though they will certainly fall from grace, they are nonetheless free not to do so. "However, my foreknowledge musy not be allowed to interfere with their free will. So as not to limit human freedom, I hereby assume ignorance of what I know, I wind tightly over my eyes the veils which I have seen through, and in my blind clairvoyance, I allow myself to be surprised by what I have foreseen."

- from the introduction by Robert Fagles to "Oedipus The King", on human free-will and fate/God's foreknowledge of human actions

Rain Song

When the rain starts pouring down on you
on a supposedly sunny day.

Don't run.

Let
the raindrops hit
your hair,
your skin.
Receive this gift from Ouranos.

Close your eyes.

Breathe
in the smell of
the grass,
the soil.
Reconnect with Gaia once more.

The sunny days aren't really so fantastic.

The Sky is is not the limit when you are at Limpopo River.

Alex Khong commented that I had very sharp eyesight because I spotted a whole bunch of balloons floating into the sky tonight. But no, I do not have a very sharp eye, I simply have the habit of looking to the sky.

The musical tonight was good. Yep, good! Tried to trick Andrea by saying we forgot the flowers, but Zhi Wei just had to be behind me holding the bouquet of flowers. Oh well. Here's how I feel (un-professional comments) about the musical anyway, if you are interested to know.

Things that I enjoyed:

- The plot line. Although predictable, the plot was heartwarming and pretty sweet with the focus on friendship (I know it is overused for school productions) and the twist with creation and genesis. And the story within a play thing, love it.

- The set. Simply love the set. How they used different things to create the set, the books (BOOKS!) to represent birds (tempted to over-read this), umbrellas for trees, lamps for stars. And then the rainbow!

- The singing. It being a musical, the singing of course has been very impressive. I'm a not a music person so I won't know what keys they hit or what not, but it was nice. And that's enough for me. :D Bird girl and Magician are awesome singers! Elephant child not too bad as well! Can hear Andrea when she sang too!

- The lighting and music. Good play on the lighting and colours. I could really feel the emotions intended for the scenes! Good stuff.

- The humour. Word play and witty jokes, and a few "not so healthy" ones. Had a pretty good laugh throughout most of the musical. Rhino guy was awesome.

- Props use. Yes, very creative use of props. Crocodile ladder, umbrellas in the finale, stuff and stuff. But what were those things that dropped out of the cooking stove anyway?

- Dance. Dances were pretty spectacular. Maybe not very action-packed, but still very nice!

But of course, there is always some room for improvement so we can look forward to another production, isn't it? :

- Magician guy could use a little more "oomph" when he is narrating the story at the beginning. The narrating tone and "lightning boom" music abit didn't match leh...

- Leopard and Jaguar characters seemed a little... flat. Not villain-ish enough probably. Were they lecherous too?

- There were some parts when I found it really difficult trying to catch what was being said/sang. Okay, maybe its just me. But I really didn't catch much of what the kangaroo guy was singing.

- The singlish/rislow-ish english part seemed a little jarring. It's like it was placed there just for the sake of it. It could use a little more development (but what development? I also don't know la) or it probably should have been left out. Was the use of chinese intended anyway? Only 1 sentence!

Overall, the musical is good! I enjoyed it very much personally, and I'm sure most people did as well. Well worth the $21, but I'm not that calculative la!

Oh, I love the tune but I forgot how it was like.

Limpopo river...

Ithaca

When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon -- do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path,
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your soul does not set them up before you.

Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber, and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from scholars.

Always keep Ithaca on your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.

Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would have never set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what these Ithacas mean.

- Constantine P. Cavafy

the treasure of the adventure is usually the adventure itself. :D

Clearing. Memories.

In order to create space for my poor books who were lying on the floor and on the printer, I used this evening to clear out the relics lying in my shelves.

It was a walk down memory lane.

Relics and artifacts from the past decade of my life all cramped into those shelves in my mega-wardrobe. There were so many things.

Game cards. Pokemon, Yu-gi-oh, Kenshin. How much money have I spent on these things and I don't even remember playing them much! (except maybe Yu-gi-oh)

Discman, walkman. Relics in an era where MP3s and iPods now rule the world. Does anybody even remember them? They were such important things!

Letters. Love letters. Haha, those were such happening days.

Information booklets, pamphlets, leaflets. From NTU, NUS, SMU, SIM, NP, SP, NYP, SAF, RSAF, NAVY, Scholarships, Careers etc etc. I had so many options back then! So many paths to go!

Certificates. Swimming, army, secondary school, results etc etc. Some things I have already forgotten about. But oh well.

Soft toys, remote control car and some other toys. Only a few that I decided to keep from a further past.

Photos. Class photos, army photos, photo albums.

Notebooks. From JC, from army. I have spent so much effort writing them in! So meticulously making sure I don't miss a single thing.

Shoeboxes. There's just something about shoeboxes and me. I love to keep shoeboxes, and I don't even know why.

Games. Some games that I have no idea how they ended up in the shelves. I found my copy of the PC version of FFVII too. :D

Most of them had to go. Some are given to my mum so she can find a kid whom she can bless with those soft toys and a remote control car. Some get to stay, especially those photos. I don't throw photos away, they are too sacred.

I feel like the government.

"We need to make space for new development! We will demolish this this this! Oh why do you want to keep these old buildings and places? They are taking up space! They do nothing but give you a sense of nostalgia!"

But, but, but... we are all addicted to the feeling of nostalgia...

"Ah fine, we'll keep a few of them in Chinatown! They might boost tourism anyway."

Thanks.

"Destroy destroy destroy. Build build build. Economics rules the world!"

While doing my clearing up, my dad brought some guests into the house, only to find it in a mess with everything on the floor.

"Wah, doing spring cleaning ah? Good good, chinese new year coming already."

Oh yes, its that time of the year already.

The books look so beautiful on the shelves now.

Receiving mail.

I love to receive letters. Because I always feel that there's some sort of a surprise waiting for me inside those white envelopes. Most of them are just bank statements and bills, but sometimes they can really be quite a surprise.

I saw a white envelope on my bed when I got home this evening. A plain white envelope with only my name and address, the kind that has the greatest potential of containing a surprise. (those with POSB or M1 on them have no surprises at all. the ones with "On Government Service" might have some surprises)

I picked up and opened it. And then I saw...

NGEE ANN POLYTECHNIC ---> "huh? okay, maybe they still want to invite me for their open house or what. some people never give up one."

*my name and address*

Dear Sir/Mdm,
Common Test Results and Attendance Record of ......, ANG PEI YI (my sister's name)
....
....
.... A copy of your child/ward's common test is attached for your attention....
....
....
....
Hope you will have a satisfying discussion with your child/ward on this matter. We believe your partnership and continual involvement will motivate your son/daughter to put in the extra effort needed for him/her to do well.
....
....
*end of letter*

Now, talk about a surprise. How on earth did this letter end up having my name on instead of my parents' totally evaded me. I read for a while, amused, surprised, confused, before bringing to my parents.

Dad: "What's in the letter?"

Me: "Just mei's results and attendance lo. And some information on examinations." *proceeds to read off the letter*

Dad: "How come will have your name one? (tells my mum) Call Pei Yi and ask her what happen."

Mum: "(on phone with sis) Your father change name already ah? Become kor's. You better go and update okay."

Apparently everyone thinks its too much for a mistake like that. I find it rather amusing though.

I am impressed with my sister's results. A+. Still need what discussion.

I love the whole world.

How about you?

Academics

You know, the one who scores As all the time, who manages to just memorise everything there is in the textbook including indexes and glossaries, knows what "A+B x (AB+CD-DE) / ACD+ABE(CDB) = ABCD" is supposed to mean, who cries just because he gets more than 5 points in the 'O' Levels exams or because he gets 1 B in his otherwise all As 'A' level exams or because he gets GPA 4.9 instead of 5.

An academic is logical, is smart, can memorise stuff, knows how to solve the longest equations in the world, knows all the formulas there are to understanding speed, chemical reactions and how to make a new planet from dust.

I am not an academic. I get crappy grades, I can't solve any form of equations and I do not know a single formula. But I think. I love to think. I love to think about why I do the things I do. I love to think about possibilities, about things that just simply cannot be placed under the umbrella of logic but still exists. Because logic isn't all there is to this world. Logic will simply burn itself out.

You put an academic scholar to do road planning, which of course they will do because they all get government scholarships and is therefore the best people to decide for us mortals.

From point A to B, build a road.

"He will tell you to build a straight road."

"But why build a straight road? Why can't we build a road that goes around a park or a forest or some scenery?"

"Because the straight road is the fastest way from point A to B."

"But why must it be the fastest way?"

"To save time of course, dumbass."

"But who said we needed to save time?"

"Because that's the only logical thing to do!"

"Why are we building a road anyway?"

"Because we are told to do so! What an idiot!"

Yes, I am idiot because I question too much. That's why I can't do Maths. Because I simply cannot figure out how it works. Because I simply cannot take it that people dish out a formula to me and I just have to accept it that things work this way.

"A + B = C"

"But why? Who said A + B must = C?"

"There is no why. A + B = C because A + B = C."

It may be ironic how I am writing this in a university. But I did not come to the university to be educated. I come to the university to experience education.

Its easy to think outside the box. But things don't just come in one box. They come in multiple boxes. You get out of one and you will find that you are in another.

We have to keep questioning. Why are things the way they are? Could it have been any different? Is there anything we can do about it?

But of course, I am against mindless opposition. You cannot just doubt. You cannot just be cynical for the sake of being cynical. You have to know why you are questioning, have a cause, a purpose. I might contradict myself, but you have to have a reason. And then you do something about it.

Don't get me wrong though. I am just doing a generalization of academics to put my point across. I know I am generalizing if I just say academics are all just mindless robots who download information into their brains and then upload them into paper. There are of course those who engage in critical thinking as well.

What I want to say is simply the fact that we need to be careful so that we do not lose the edge in our minds. We have to keep sharpening it, using it, putting it to its limits, and not end up substituting the metal sword of thought with the wooden sword of spoon-fed knowledge.

And school begins again.

Zimmer’s inspiration for the score was The Threepenny Opera, Kurt Weill’s macabre tale of Victorian London’s criminal underbelly (although he cheerfully admits there is a dash of Steptoe and Son thrown into the mix). Like Weill’s new invented folk tunes, Zimmer’s music has a hidden sophistication. The pianos may be out of tune but they are all played impeccably. “It’s a typical example of Zimmer madness, where I hear a sound in my head and how are we gonna get it? I was looking for a pub piano sound, something that had that lived-in quality, but there are no pubs in Los Angeles. At first I got someone to detune my piano but it just sounded out of tune so I asked my assistant to go onto Craigslist and find me a broken piano. Actually the broken piano became a bigger thing because then I thought, rather than use big drums what would a piano sound like if you dropped it down a flight of stairs?”

And did you do it?

“Yeah. We rented 20th Century Fox’s underground car park one Sunday and did hideous things to a piano. Actually, that was the second broken piano we bought. The first one I had every intention of destroying but when it arrived you could tell that someone had loved and cared for it all their life — it was so sweet. My reaction was, ‘We can’t break this. Find me an abused piano.’”

- From "Hans Zimmer: 'The sound of Sherlock Holmes? It’s a broken piano'"

And yes, school starts tomorrow and I do not know what to expect.

The Big Move

We moved our boats, peddles and life vests from Macritchie Reservoir to Kallang River today in preparation for the race coming in 2 weeks time. We loaded them all into 2 lorries, got onto the back of the lorry and let it carry us to the river. Its so... nice.

I've come to like my canoeing team. I like how everybody looks out for each other, help each other, advise each other, encourage each other. I like how nobody looks down on anybody just because he's a little slow or little lousy with his technique. Everyone sees each other as equals, as simply a part of the team.

We don't just canoe. Its a canoeing team but its more "team" than "canoeing". We go eat dim sum, we go play LAN games, we tease those who scored GPA of 4.8.

Upon reaching the river, we unloaded for a short paddling session. When coming back to shore, we deliberately made the #1 loudest team mate capsize to have a good laugh before washing our boats together. Boat washing is... heart-warming? I don't know the right word to use here. It gives me this sense of belonging.

Everyone bringing the boats out one by one to be scrubbed, soaped, washed. A whole bunch of people working on one boat at a time. Spraying water at each other, asking for water to be sprayed on because its oh so so so hot under the afternoon sun! I think I got sunburnt. But its so fun. Its not the washing, its the washing together.

I don't know how I will fare in the race happening in 2 weeks time. We have trained really hard for the past month but I really don't think I am good enough yet. Sometimes I just feel like giving up especially during the endurance trainings, whereby we paddle continuously for 14km! But I will just tell myself, "just finish this, just finish this" and I will finish it eventually, even if not within good timing.

I do know one thing though. In this team, no one is going to blame anybody for not winning anything. We all know our limitations. We are not monsters. We know we are students. We know we have to take a break before examinations for revision. We know we are here to experience, to work hard together, and if we win anything, its a bonus.

What a gem

I just saw this on mrbrown.com and I love it so much that I just have to post it here. I really really really love the sarcasm. :D

A certain Eric How, allegedly a Young PAP (YPAP) member, got into a flame war with some 3in1kopitiam forumers on Facebook and posted this little gem:

"Do not be bitter and go on slapping on the Government senselessly because you did not get any fruits or benefits from your forefather. You will have to blame on your karma or your forefathers for not getting all the paths right for their off springs. My folks did the right thing by getting all the stuffs ready for us and we will never ever need to nag about the Government giving jobs to foreigners instead of locals. In fact, we create jobs for others. Our folks even make sure that we guys do not need to squeeze into public transport by getting each of us a personal car.
The job market is an open competition whereby the best person gets the job and not because of nationalities. Buck up and do something right for you’re off springs so that they will be thankful to you and not turn up to be like you guys nagging senselessly."


I think Mr Eric How is right. Don't blame the gahmen for your lack of fruits and benefits! Blame your own suay karma! Blame your forefather! Who asked your loser forefathers to be useless coolies slogging away at some blue collar job? It is their fault for not setting you up with jobs and careers!

Look at Mr Eric How! His parents did the right thing by "getting all the stuffs ready" for him. No need to rely on the gahmen for jobs! Mommy and Daddy set him up good!

In fact, his Mommy and Daddy "create jobs for others", ok? We should THANK the likes of Eric How and his family for our jobs and for not being a burden to the state.

And if you feel that public transport has been less crowded lately, you can thank this Eric How and his family too! His Mommy and Daddy got him and his siblings a personal car each, so that they don't need to squeeze into the MRT and buses and add to the congestion!

How can we ever thank this Eric How and his loaded elite family for their benevolence and love for the common man? They are so considerate!

If only YPAP had more members like Eric How who truly care for the masses and contribute so much to the good of the nation!

The special people at the coffeeshop

I went to the coffeeshop my mum works at this evening to have my dinner.

An auntie walks by, sees me and asks my mum in hokkien:

"Li eh kia, ah?" (your son?)

"Ya lo"

"Wah, ah ni orh, ah?" (wah, so black, ah?)

"Heh"

At this point which she turns to me and ask, in mandarin:

"Ni kang kang cong fei zhou hui lai, ah?" (you just came back from Africa is it?)

I could only afford a smile and she walks away.

People at the coffeeshop have the special ability of leaving me dumbfounded.

Christianity Without Traditions

Religion is filled with changes. It evolves from one era to another, gets some tinkering done in between generations and ultimately what we believe today is really a largely modified version of what it was meant to be.

The believers, however, are often blind to this fact. They love to believe that what they are believing now, how they believe now, and everything in their belief is the tradition, the source, the one truth. They say, "but we must keep to the traditional ways! We cannot keep having so much changes to the church! Your idea is too radical!" Little do they know that this "tradition" they claim is actually radicalism a generation before.

I do not know about how the other religions evolve other than the fact that monks walk on tight ropes and gets called to court these days, but I will attempt to explore the evolution path of Christianity as we know it.

Lets begin from the beginning. When organized religion/worship was first recorded in the bible. I like to believe that this started with Cain and Abel but I really have no idea how they worshipped. It appeared to me that pre-Egypt era's worship was a very primitive, unorganized, and is a pure relationship form between Man and God. In simple words, man goes straight to God. There's no walala in between. Purely relationship. That's the beginning. (and I believe very much this is what we try to achieve today, just that we got clogged up by the walalas)

Then comes the post-Egypt era, the "We are God's people and these rules will guide us" era. Israelites receive a whole bunch of dos-and-don'ts from God via Moses. Other than the ten commandments, there's a whole lot of rules listed in Leviticus. Sabbaths, fasting, tithing, sacrifice... the list goes on. This is also when it became extremely exclusive. The whole "God chosen people" thing really got to the Israelites and they go to wars with other countries to carve out their promised land. Although some of the stories in this era still remain relevant today, the entire concept is actually quite screwed up. Such a view of themselves really show how narrow-minded the Israelites were, but of course that's not for me to comment because God chose them anyway.

Whatever happens in between this era till Jesus's time is really quite gray to me. Israel gets defeated in war and exiled from their land, moving from one place to another, and then returned to their land, and then the prophets wrote alot of stuff. This era is filled with woes and dryness. You get alot of lamentations, and you get Lamentations itself. I do not know what to say about this era, I think religion itself is having a hard time in the face of their pagan lords, and thus the bleakness.

Then came Jesus time. Jesus gave religion a whole new meaning with the changes he brought about. Some of the laws were given new meaning (you murdered when you anger, you commit adultery when you lust) and the religion is no longer exclusive. Major parts of the old religion were abolished or given another meaning (such as sacrifice and fasting - see Matthew 9:14 for a saga on fasting) This of course was resisted by the pharisees. The pharisees often question Jesus and accuse him of blasphemy.

We often see the pharisees as the bad guys, as too traditional, think too much about themselves, showy. But that's really because we are on Jesus's side. When you really think about it, this has been the way they go about religion for the past hundreds or even thousands of years! Can we blame them for their reactions? For so long they've been doing things the traditional way and now this guy comes along and tries to overturn everything. So what if Jesus is the son of God? That, to their eyes, is a blasphemy in itself (gosh I am so close to committing blasphemy myself!)

The pharisees, if we take away the cloak of evilness that the bible put on them, are simply resisting change to a tradition that they have held dear almost all their lives. The key lesson that we can take away from them is perhaps the need for us to embrace changes in the traditions that we hold. We have to be open minded, ready to become radical in our thinking, cross the line, jump over the boundaries. Religion is not set in stone, and we won't be the first ones crossing boundaries here.

Protestanism, as we know it today, was a radical branch from Catholicism formed during the "Protestant Reformation" in 1517 when Martin Luther nailed the Ninety-Five Theses on the Power and Efficacy of Indulgences to the door of the All-Saints Church in Germany. In England itself, the reformation was embraced by King Henry VIII as the Catholic church did not allow him to divorce his first wife to marry his second. There was a whole bunch of other events untill Queen Elizabeth I established Protestanism as the main religion over England, thus us seeing it as the traditional despite of it being radical at the start. A whole bunch of politics become intertwined with religion as well.

Denominations form as the Protestants get fragmented and divided with their beliefs. Anglicans, Baptist, Pentecostals et cetera were all formed during this fragmentation. What we think has been around since a long long time ago was acutally formed only 500 years ago. That what we believe is traditional was a radical reformation from the the Catholic church

Up till today, Christianity keeps going through changes. Worship styles change, the way messages are preached also change, the way churches are built et cetera. If we become blinded by "traditions", we will never be able to go anywhere. We have to embrace changes, put more thought into the unorthodox. We have to push ourselves to think out of the box, or we will only end up like the pharisees ourselves, holding on to our "traditions" so tightly that we become incapable to embracing the future and miss out on so so much.

We have to understand that religion is ever evolving. What is tradition or fundamental now was radical in the past. What was tradition in the past, was radical in an even distant past. If we ever do a backtrack in order to find the one true source/tradition of religion, we will only find God standing in the picture.

God is the only constant, the source, the traditon. Religion as we know it only serves as the walala. But we will never be able to go back to how it used to be millenias ago. The only way now, perhaps, is forward. And the only way forward is to embrace what comes our way. Sitting in the baby pool of "traditions" really will not get us anyway.

Team 7!

Friendships - They never fail to put a smile on you.

The Countdown

5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Cheer is contagious. As everyone shouts, "HAPPY NEW YEAR!! WOOOO!" One group lights a sparkler there and another one somewhere else and soon the entire park is filled with sparklers and smoke.

I found myself walking out of the pavillion we were camped in onto the grass and towards the beach, breathing in the air of the new year and filling my lungs with sparklers smoke that might have reduced my lifespan by at least a year.

Ships that were out at sea fired their flares into the sky and this cheered me up. Horns were blasted from some other ships to join in the celebration as well.

A couple was on a picnic mat at the field I was walking on and the man was kneeling in front of the sitting lady. "I promise I will love you even deeper and take care of you in the new year..."

A police car goes by with its red and blue blinkers as if it wanted to blend into the celebrations as well.

The full moon was up in the sky. It was the blue moon. Its not exactly blue, but its the blue moon because its the second full moon of the month, and this phenomenon happens only once in a blue moon, well, literally.

I return to the candle-lit pavillion to find people waxing the floor with their little outbursts of creativity. "Ah, vandalism, but who cares, its the new year, you can do anything because everybody is so happy."

Its funny, how we are always so caught up with countdowns. Its almost as if we expect something big to happen at the end of the "3, 2 ,1". Like maybe an asteroid will fall through the sky, or the earth will break open, or Jesus Christ will appear out of nowhere, or just something incredible. Of course, nothing big ever happened so its made up by firing some fireworks or lighting some sparklers.

Its almost as if we expect some change to happen in our body or mind, maybe we will be enlightened, maybe we will lose some pounds, gain some mass somewhere where we want it. I check myself- nope.

It never happens. Nothing ever happens. At the end of the "3, 2, 1" all that happened is just time passed. We sing songs, we dance, we congratulate each other, we shake each other's hands, and then we sit down and smile at each other. 21 years I have been on this planet and such traditions still remain.

We stay up for as long as our bodies can take it, we play games under the moonlit sky, we chat, we eat snacks, we drink tea, we try to make this moment last for as long as we physically can without the risk of falling asleep while driving home. We try not to sleep until we really need to. All of us know, deep in our hearts, that if we fall asleep and when we wake up, its just going to be another day in another year.

But we have to go. We have to go sleep and face the next day. As we pack up our stuff, it was already near 4am. A little club nearby was still blasting music and people are still dancing, refusing the fact that its time to go back to living our lives. "I've got a feeling, that tonight's gonna be a good night... that tonight..."

The cheer was wearing off all of us. The drive home was quiet. We were all too tired to make any interesting conversations and were more interested in looking out for the traffic and getting home safely instead. We had to blast the music from the radio just to keep ourselves awake for the long drive from the east end to the west.

I put myself to sleep when I reached home, not sure if the next day will ever come with everyone wishing that it won't.

When I woke up to the daylight shining into my room, I stumbled into my bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.

"Here we go again... ah, happy 2010"