We'll do it all

Everything

On our own

We don't need

Anything

Or anyone

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel

Those three words,

Are said too much

They're not enough

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time

Chasing cars

Around our heads

I need your grace

To remind me

To find my own

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes

They're all I can see

I don't know where

Confused about how as well

Just know that these things

Will never change for us at all

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

"Now who said in a relationship, you need cars, money, flowers, chocolates, gifts. All you need is just each other, and you can just forget the world."

Did a few interesting things over the past few days as a result of me having too much free time from the clearing of leaves. And no, leaves do not equate to the plural of leaf. It means days that I do not need to go to work.

One of the things I did was to clear up the mess I made in my room. Stuff thats lying around on the floor, in the shelves, in the drawers. Sieving through some of the old stuff, I found some pretty interesting things that brought back many memories. My enlistment letter, letters that remind me to go do my medical check up for enlistment (3 of these as I kept delaying the check up), love letters from secondary school (fun reading them), old photos (thats how all those pics ended up on Facebook), study notes, notebooks from sec sch/JC etc etc. I ended up with 6 bags of trash. If I put all the junk together, I can make a small house for a small cat to live in. And of course, I love my room better now.

I tried my hand on touch rugby (literally) on Saturday Heart.Sports. It was fun. Totally enjoyed myself committing all the bloopers. I remember there was a time the ball came to me and I just stood there processing what to do in my mind. There are so many rules and you have to pay more concern to the rules than to the gameplay itself! But when almost everyone on the field is a newbie, the whole playing field becomes a great breeding ground for clowns and comedians.

I found out the reason for my exponential growth in body mass. Overeating. Last Saturday, I had a massive amount of chicken rice (I must admit it was really good). And this saturday, muslim food. Although I must explain, I never knew the portion was so big (I strongly suspect that the Chicken Nasi Briyani was for 2). One bowl of briyani, 2 pieces of prata topped off with milo dinosaur. Totally sent all the running at touch rugby down the drain. But then again, I can never say no to good food.

Of course, I keep getting reminded that I should be ORDing in 2 weeks time, and the sad thing is, I won't be doing that.

You wake up finding the sun has risen, and that'll be when you realise its not that bad a day afterall.

Exodus 6:4 "I also established my covenant with them to give them the land of Canaan, where they lived as aliens."

Exodus 14:21-23 "Nevertheless, as surely as I live and as surely as the glory of the Lord fills the whole earth, not one of the men who saw my glory and mircaculous signs I performed in Egypt and in the desert but who disobeyed me and tested me ten times - not one of them will ever see the land I promised on oath to their forefathers."

Numbers 20:12 "But the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, 'Because you did not trust me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them."

Deuteronomy 34:4 "Then the Lord said to him, 'This is the land I promised on oath to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob when i said, 'I will give it to your descendants.' I have let you see it with your eyes, but you will not cross over into it.'"

Joshua 1:2-3 "Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give them - to the Israelites. I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses."

Joshua 1:6 "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them."

Are you like the Israelites? Letting God's promised gift for you slip out of your hands because of some mistake? And now, after going one big round, after spending all the time going in circles, you are right back at the gates to God's promise again. This time, having been changed by your travels, like a new generation of the Israelites, will you take courage, overcome the obstacles that you are facing, enter the land and fight for it, knowing that your God is faithful.

"Why do you go back to doing something you once failed? Because you believe it can be done, because you believe its worth doing, and because all along, you have never really given up."

Life has come to a stand still for me. I can't find the reason why, but everything around me just doesn't seem to matter anymore. "I just do what I have to do, and then I'll just see what happens" has been the kind of attitude that somehow got into me for the past few days. No, its not that I am unhappy about whats going on, I am actually happy, cheerful. I still carry a smile. Its just that things around me, they don't excite me anymore. I don't feel any urgency to do something. And it is actually quite a good thing, my worries are lesser, I don't feel stressed or pressured anymore. It is a good thing.

Somehow, its like I took a step back, or rather, took a step out of my life. Looked at it from a third person view, and not allowing myself to be swallowed by all the worries in my life. As I carried on doing this, I realised that, "hey, life isn't so bad, you just have to not be so concerned about so many things." For example, I don't have to be so concerned about finding a girlfriend. Theres plenty of time, plenty of opportunity for me. Whats the rush? Why am I being pressured by other people? Whats the point of having a girlfriend now anyway?

So now, when something good happens to me, I'll say "hey, thats really good." And if something bad happens to me, I'll say "ah, thats not so good, but its ok, it won't be forever." Or if I have to do something that I don't feel like doing, I'll say "well, lets just get this over and done with." Theres no longer the complication of "oh, what am I gonna do?!". If I get to take a break from work, good. If not, I'll just work, its my job anyway.

Casting unnecessary stress away is definitely a good thing, but it cannot turn me into a passive person. Neither should it turn me into a short sighted person. There must always be an active spirit, having the passion to excel in what we do, and yet at the same time, not creating extra pressure or stress on ourself. And neither can I allow this relax mode to make me lose my foresight, my vision. There must always be plans for the future, but theres no need to be too stressed over something that we do not know about anyway.

For now, all that concerns me are God, family, friends, work. :D

"Only 2 contracts are offered. Only Kelvin and you will be getting it. The rest might be offered the contract only if one of you reject the offer."

When these words hit me, I was lost for words. There had been speculations about there being only 2 positions to fill in the unit but none of us wanted to be too sure about it, we were all hoping that there will be 6. That way all of us would be able to stay together, working together like how we had been for the past 1 year.

However, it was not to be. Turns out the speculations evolved itself to become truth, and the truth is right here in our face. In a way, this is good news for me. It means I secured a contract, a job for the next 6 months. But somehow, the news also stung my heart. Amidst all the flavours of emotions, there was this tinge of sadness, this taste of forlorn.

Lets not say all 6, but the 3 of us in the platoon, we have always been working so closely together. We have been fighting, hoping, trying for this contract. We decided together that we will take on the 6 months as regulars together. We discussed about it at night, over lunch, when we were working. We were ready for it, another 6 months, no problem! And when the decision is finally made that we will go for it, only 1 of us got it?

Besides, I am not even the best in the platoon. My fitness is so off-standard, I am always so lack lustre about my work, always making mistakes. The rest are so much better than I am, reminding me about things, helping to cover for me. The only reason I could think of that put me on the list is the video project.

"So if I don't take up the contract, could I give it to another person?" "No, we have chosen the specific person to take up the particular the project that we will be assigning. Another person might not get the contract even if you don't take it up."

Thats how it is I guess. Even in the working world. Things just won't always go the way we want it. We just have to pick up whatever we got and move on. I applied for the contract today.

In another 39 days, I will be bidding my dear friends goodbye from the army. I will be looking at them holding their pink ICs, waving at me. I will hear news of what jobs they got in the civilian world, and how relax their lives are. And I will be reminded of the fact that I could join them in the rite of ORD, if I had not taken up the offer. I could only do the same in another 6 months. Well, thats the price to pay, I guess.