you can only do so many things at once

Multitasking - that is one skill which I have never had the chance to master, and probably never will. Some people find it easy, while others like me, find that it is the most difficult thing (or things) to manage.

No I am not talking about having to drive while talking on the phone and eat breakfast in the car at the same time. I am talking about a more macro version of multitasking: to commit to many things at a point in one's life.

This is my theory: every person can only ideally commit himself (or herself, but there is a theory that says females can multitask better) to a maximum of four commitments at any point in his life. Having more than four means that he will not be able to perform his best in any of these because his resources (time and energy) cannot be focused on an optimum level.

I do acknowledge that this may be different for different individuals because every person's energy levels might be different, but the amount of time given is constant, and the results can only vary so much.

Commitment comes in a variety of forms, but it's basically very simple. As long as a certain something demands that you commit a certain amount of time to it, it is a commitment. And the most common commitments are:

• School/Work (including Part Time Jobs)
• Boyfriend/Girlfriend
• Religion (usually Christianity)
• CCAs
• Some relationships (such as family or friends)

The list, of course, is not exhaustive.

Because it is my theory, and because I have developed it from my own life, it is not difficult to understand that I try my best to stick to just four commitments in my life. And they were: School, Girlfriend, Religion, CCA (Canoeing).

For me, friendships hold a very special position. Because for me the commitment of friendships, it is interesting to note, is shared among the four commitments in my life. This means that I maintain my friendships within the context of these commitments. While this may not be applicable to every person, it is perhaps safe to say that this applies to most persons. Friendships are maintained along the context of work, school, or religion. And this is why people classify their friends into "school friends", "work friends", or "church friends". (this warrants an entire article about having "spheres" in our lives, so I shall not dwell on it) So when I say "Some relationships" as one of the commitments that people engage in, I am referring to friendships beyond these spheres.

_________________________________________________________________

It is then time for an announcement.

I have only recently withdrawn from my CCA, Canoeing, because of a new commitment at this point in time. Yes I am no longer a canoeist, and I am sad about this because I have recently found much passion in the sport, and I made the decision to withdraw only after much deliberation.

In it's place as a commitment, is a research project under NTU's URECA programme with my film theory professor.

Initially, I was planning to forgo this research opportunity and continue with the team because I had no interest in post-graduate studies or even in joining the academia when I graduate. But after some discussions with friends and a good deal of reflection, I decided that this was the chance for me to carefully consider and see for myself whether academic research is something that interests me or not. Also, such an opportunity does not knock all the time, and I felt that it would be such a waste if I just let it go.

It was therefore with a heavy heart when I told my captain that I have decided to withdraw from the team because of academic commitments. I could have stayed on, but I decided not to because I did not want to discourage the team by my absence or even put a strain on the resources of the team when I am not giving my best.

So, I have effectively transformed from a canoeist to a research assistant (or more glamorously, "NTU President Research Scholar", as the programme calls it).

God really likes pushing me in areas where I have never considered before. I remember in 2004, I have never considered JC as an option for post-secondary education. I chose a polytechnic, but was sent to a junior college instead. I didn't think I would like to do English Literature when I was in secondary school or even junior college, but I ended up doing English Literature in university. I have never thought I would be doing academic research, and now I am in a programme meant for grooming academic research scholars.

Let's see where God is bringing me to this time.

In Decisions

Alright, long hiatus from blogging. Totally couldn't find the time to do it. Besides that, I guess most of my writing energy went into my internship anyway, if there is such a thing. The internship is over now, so if you are wondering where all those writing went, it's all here: www.hometeam.sg

Let me start off this post with two facts of life.

Fact of life 1: We all hate making decisions.

Seriously. I hate making decisions. The most decisive person hates making decisions too. We all hate to choose, admit that. If I could have my say, I would want everything in the world, so I don't have to choose which ones I can have and which ones I can't. Because choosing something means giving up another.

If I wanna go travelling, what's the best thing to do? Go travel to every single goddamn country on this planet, and maybe discover some new ones in the process of course. Why bother to choose whether I wanna go to Paris or America, or China or Japan? Just say, I wanna f-ing travel. And travel everywhere.

And what's the best transport you can ever dream of? Of course it's a luxury car, that looks and functions like a sports car, that can also travel on the sea or even under water like a submarine, not to forget that it can also transform itself to fly too, probably even turn into a space shuttle, and if the situation arises, can travel on a railroad like a train as well. Oh yes, an all-in-one car. Who wouldn't want that? Now we don't even need to choose between taking a cruise or a plane to our next holiday destination while we are on the above mentioned around-the-world trip.

Oh, how about the perfect boyfriend? Can't choose between this guy or that guy? (I know I am being gender biased here, but please, I don't need to write this twice, so I'll write for the girls because ladies come first) Of course you can't. What you want is someone who is good looking, kind, rich, witty, honest, sporty, intelligent, bookish, muscular, not overbearingly manly, someone who can read you poetry, do your laundry, fix your house lighting or plumbing, cunning sometimes, and whatever else a guy should have. You want all the qualities the a guy might have packed into one. That'll be wonderful isn't it.

Or the perfect child? Of course you want your child to have a 'holistic' development. And this includes wanting him to learn music, dancing, art, sports, history, math, languages, science and every single thing that a human being invented for the betterment of the mind. Your child has to know every f- thing and probably even write an encyclopedia off his mind.

Fact of life 2: We can't have everything in life.

And what does this mean? This means that we have to choose. Yes, whether you like it or not, we as humans need to make decisions and choices in our lives. It is ultimately inevitable to choose one thing over the other because we can't have everything we want in the world.

We only get 24 hours a day, and we have finite number of days to live. Some has more, some has less. But it's finite. This means that one day, we are going to die, and when we die, we stop getting the things we want. So there are definitely some things that we have to give up along the way.

Length of our life is one thing, opportunity is another. Some opportunities just simply clash with each other. It's about the timing. For example, I had to choose between an internship with Singapore Press Holdings or the Ministry of Home Affairs. I wanted both, because I see value in both internship opportunities, but I could only choose one as they offer themselves in a time period that clashes with each other. And in the end I chose the Ministry of Home Affairs, because of an interest to be involved in the ministry after graduation.

Another thing that we cannot avoid: the capacity for us to do only one thing at a time. I'm not talking about multi-tasking here. I'm talking about choosing the next course in our lives. Do I go for a post-graduate course or do I spend the time building my career? Do I get attached now or enjoy singlehood for the next few years? These things involves choices and decisions. I can't do a post-graduate course and build my career at the same time (well, you technically can... but it's a little different), and I can't be attached and enjoy singlehood at the same time. To be attached means to give up singlehood, and to be single means to give up being attached.

Conclusion?

We have to choose, whether you like it or not. I remember writing an article many years ago about 'choice'. I said that we make a choice every single day and second. We make choices in what we wear, what we say, what we do. Even if we decide not to make a choice, we have CHOSEN not to make a choice, which is a choice in itself.

This time round, I am talking about choosing what you want in your life. Bigger choices, choices that we have to make deliberately. And we can't just don't choose, because that will bring us nowhere. So here's the thing, make your decisions early. Decisive people get a head start, because they know what they want and they start to build towards it early on in the race. Making a big decision like life choices is a long and tedious process. It doesn't mean that you can get what you want simply because you make a decision to want it. From the decision, you still need to work towards this aim that you have. So early decision makers actually get a head start from the rest.

I do not mean that you make a decision hastily. But do not postpone something unnecessarily. Even if at the end of the day, you decide to change your original decision, it will still be alright. For example, if you decide that you want to work in this particular firm in the future, and you begin to build your portfolio and skills towards this target, and then you decide somewhere down the road that you do not wish to go ahead with this plan anymore, know that the portfolio you have built and the skills that you attained will not go to waste. These things remain with you. What will really go to waste is if you do not decide on anything, and spent the time doing things really does not help you accomplish much.

So really, just some food for thought. Chew on it and let me know what you think. It is late, and I shall sign off.

Ciao.

SHINGLES

I'm down with shingles.

Actually, that is outdated information. But then again, it is not.

I am still down with shingles, but I got shingles a week ago. To be exact, last Monday.

But then again (again), Monday is when I was diagnosed with shingles. The real date that the virus came haunting is probably 2 Wednesdays ago. That, I cannot be exact.

So yes, I was down with shingles, and I am still down with shingles, and I am not sure if I will still be down with shingles come tomorrow when I visit the doctor at the Communicable Disease Centre (CDC) for a check-up.

The doctor, some specialist I suppose, will determine if I will turn people into zombies when I go out into the streets. (Which is quite ironic, because I have to go out into the streets to see him anyway. Which reminds me, I was still in the street when I left the hospital after being diagnosed. I guess the policy is "as long as I don't infect anybody that I know, that's fine")

Oh yes, it's a virus infection. Yes it is infectious. Or contagious, or communicable. Pick your word. Meaning, it's like what happens in "LEFT 4 DEAD", people will get infected if they aren't immune to the virus and if they get into contact with me. Except this time, they won't turn into brain eating zombies.

So how do you become immune to the virus? Simple enough, you just need to be immune to chicken pox. This virus is the same one that gives people chicken pox. After I got chicken pox like more than 10 years ago, the virus hid itself in my nerves and waited.

It's a very patient virus, because it waited over 10 years before it decides to come out and strike again. Simply put, this is what causes shingles. That's the layman version.

To make it even more layman, I called the condition chicken pox V2.

Many doctors will disagree with me.

So, back to 3 paragraphs ago. How can you be immune to chicken pox (V1)? 2 ways. You need to get it before. Or you need to get a chicken pox vaccine (which is essentially a mild version of the virus itself to let your immune system to create a blueprint for a defensive system).

So once you are protected against V1, you won't be vulnerable to V2. Apparently, V2 only comes after V1. So you won't get V2 from me right out of the oven.

Anyway. Yes. Back to wherever I was. I am down with shingles. And I have been given seven days of medical leave. Yes, seven full days. One entire oh-my-god week. It's a boon because I get to rest and sleep in and not have to think about my work for a week. It's a bane because I got confined in the house and cannot see anybody other than my family members for seven full days. This includes my girlfriend, whom I dearly miss.

Yes, that's the biggest bane for me. When I first realised that I was given seven days of medical leave, I was delighted. I thought I could finally spend some time with my girlfriend. Indeed, I haven't been able to spend much time with her because of work, and this I thought was the perfect opportunity.

But when I told her the news and what my condition entailed, she let me know that she was not infected with chicken pox before. My heart sank. This meant that I would not be able to see her until I fully recover and certified clear. This meant that I would not be able to see her for one week, which probably is the longest time we've not seen each other in almost a year (yes, next week is our anniversary, congratulate us).

I am shocked, because I always thought chicken pox was a very common virus (not as common as flu, but you know what I mean). Apparently it is not. Almost all the friends that I spoke, whom I thought could spend some time with me, all did not have chicken pox before. So, I guess I was wrong.

So one week. Seven days. What have I done in seven days. Seven full days being cooped up in a 4 room HDB flat in Choa Chu Kang. Two words: not much.

I spent about three days gaming. Just gaming and gaming and gaming, because I haven't gotten much of a chance to game ever since I started work. So this is payback time. I finished "Front Mission Evolved", which is a game about robots and finished the storyline, as well as getting myself the best upgrades for my robot. The game isn't too bad. Graphics is all right (it's PS3, by the way), gameplay is pretty cool, but storyline sucks. Storyline sucks bad. I could have written a better ending for the game. But I shall not dwell on that. I proceeded to play my MMORPG, Lord of the Rings Online, which I cannot finish. Edgaros (my character), did manage to gain two levels though. He's level 56 now. I also got him a new sword and a new belt. Hurrah.

Alright. I spent another day playing this iPhone game called Tiny Tower. Basically, I've got too much time to spare. And I sympathised with the Bitizens (Bitizens are people who live in the tower. They are called as such because they are very pixelised and they are just BITs of data on the screen. Very cruel) because they are cooped up in the tower like me. So I do my best to give them their dream jobs. This made them happy. Now many of them have happy faces because they are working in their dream jobs. I've got quite a lot of services in my tower, and they are: bank, health club, volleyball club, aquarium, photo studio, pottery studio, book store, diner, pizza place. Of course there residential levels for the Bitizens to stay as well. The tower is currently 18 floors high, with one retail store being built.

But of course I didn't spend the whole day playing that game. I may be bored, but not that bored. I spent one half of the day playing and the second half reading. I am reading this book Labyrinth by Borges, which is given to me as a birthday present last year by my girlfriend. I finished four short stories: "Funes the Memorious", "The Shape of the Sword", "Theme of the Traitor and the Hero", and "Death and the Compass". I loved all of Borges' short stories, especially "The Shape of the Sword" and "Theme of the Traitor and the Hero". I just love the way Borges weaves "story-telling" into his stories and still manages to add a pinch (sometimes more than a pinch) of philosophy into the mixture. It really shows how well he knows his narrative, and even "narration" itself. Some stories just mindfuck you while some just blows you away while some just makes you think.

I'm not that great a book reviewer, but do take a read if you've got the time.

And in the last two days of the week, my sister introduced me to this Hong Kong drama series called 与敌同行. Not sure if it's a soap opera (ST says it is) but it's really really very exciting and engaging. The story goes like this: 10 years ago, Hei got accused for murder, and the one who testified against him was his own cousin, Yin. He was sentenced to 13 years in prison and got released 10 years later. The story takes place in the present. Hei, after being released, determines that Yin was the real murderer and decides to open the case again. But how can he do it? Who will trust him? He works for Yin's company in order to gain his trust. It's a show about acting and deceiving. Who's acting? Who's not? Who's a better actor than the other? Who's going to be hurt in the process? Will Yin finally get his punishment? It's all part of the show, so no spoilers here.

I finished the series in two days.

This is the last day of my medical leave. I'll be going for a clearance check-up tomorrow and once I am clear, I will have to go straight to work. I guess seven days break is really more than enough for me.

This is the day, this is the day...

It’s been… well, I don’t know how long it has been. It’s been awhile. That’s for sure. I’ve been held up with life. Yes, just life. Living. Doing things and being busy.

Exams were over more than two weeks ago. I celebrated my birthday about two weeks ago. I used up the left over four days of my summer to do I-can’t-remember-what except to eat and to spend my birthday with my girlfriend. I am into the third week of my internship.

I must say, I’ve not had a REAL birthday celebration with someone special in my life. This is a first for me. When I was younger, it’s either we broke up before my birthday, got together after my birthday, or we were simply in school during my birthday. I just never got to celebrate. So I must say I am really happy this year for my 23rd. So here’s a shout out: THANK YOU LOVE FOR THE WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY PLANNED FOR ME. :D

The day after my birthday, I had to report for work. This is the third week of the internship and to say frankly, I haven’t had much to do. Been to a few events, helped with some photo-taking, but I haven’t really gotten down to much writing. Wrote some articles, but they are yet to be published. I’m getting restless.

I miss my life. I miss chilling out and doing nothing and just lazing around in the house. I miss just gaming for an entire day or just simply do whatever I like. I miss sleeping late and waking late and seeing that the world has already moved on and I’m just left behind in my own little space. I miss being by myself in my own space doing my own things.

*

I wonder how my results will be like. For the first time since I was matriculated, I’m having this ‘good feeling’ about the results. I’m not sure if this is the first time I’ve felt this in my life, but if I did, they usually end up in some form of disappointment.

I hate to have this ‘good feeling’. I hate it because it has such a high potential of setting up for the greatest disappointment you can ever feel. The greater the ‘good feeling’, the greater the disappointment. And it doesn’t even help one bit to make the final excitement better. It just sets you up for a possible disappointment and it’s unavoidable.

*

I’ve finally gotten a PS3 after a year of deciding if I should. I don’t play on it much though, because I simply cannot find the time to. It’s not the job. It really is the church. Just last week alone, I spent 4 out of 5 weekday nights doing church work or being at church.

I spoke to my sister recently about coming back to church (she stopped coming some time back), and she told me that she cannot take how the church just takes up so much of her (our) time. I agreed.

In case you are wondering, Evangel just happens to be a church that is very time- demanding. Some of my friends have left for the greener grass on the other side, and from what I am hearing, the people there enjoy a much more relaxed time. They enjoy worshipping God and coming to church. It’s not an obligation for them. And I don’t know why it is for me (us).

*

There are no quick fixes in this world, not even Jesus the Christ my Lord and Saviour Almighty Healer and Forgiver and Lamb and Son of the Great Almighty Omniscient Omnipotent Omnipresent God my Heavenly Father.

This is a problem. So many people come to church looking for a quick fix. Like, I come to church and I accept Jesus Christ as my saviour and I say Amen and I am saved and life is gonna be good and normal and just the way I want it. I am going to be holy and pure and Christian because I said the sinner’s prayer and I eat holy communion once every month and sing worship songs and I pray and I read the bible and I go for devotion and bible study and prayer groups and I reach out to people and teach them about Christ and I get a badge for the most number of souls saved.

Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you.

Christianity and the church are not quick fixes. Everyone in the church is broken. Of course you may want to say there are those more broken than others, but the truth remain that everybody is broken. Spoilt in some warped sense. Everyone has a dark little secret, something that they cannot share with other people, something that they struggle with themselves and cry every time they think about it and compare it with the kind of limitless grace God provides.

I cry a lot when I worship or when I pray. And I hate to do that. I cry only when I think of some crappy thing that I’ve done and I think of how much God grace I require from God. It’s a sense of shame that I feel, not a sense of holiness.

I am as broken as anybody else and righteousness only breaks me more.

*

Charlie went up Candy Mountain because his friends asked him to. He was knocked out and found that a kidney was stolen from him.

He followed his friends again under the sea and was again knocked out and his other kidney stolen.

In the end, he found his kidneys hanging on the Christmas tree.

*

Nyan Cat is a cat that nyans. Its body is made of poptart and all it does is cruise through space aimlessly/carelessly.

It goes nyan nyan nyan and creates rainbow in it’s path.

*

Neptune didn’t take it too well that Pluto was removed from the solar system.

Dwarf planet. What does that make me now?

Pluto always complained of being last in the list, and now he is the first on another.

*

At 2300HRS, you are to commence operation code Delta Charlie Boy Boy at location 012238 Michael. Make sure that you have with you everything on list no. 382710 and that you have prepared accordingly to standard operating procedure no. 8732085. You must understand that according Military Act no. 145 Chapter 2009 Section 49087 Paragraph U, you are required to respond and act only according to the protocol no. 31152. Do you understand, S7398234A?

*

If a tree falls in the forest and somebody is there, he would hear it and know that the tree has fallen and that there was indeed a tree.

But if a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it fall, did the tree really fall or was there indeed a tree?

Yes it did really fall and there would indeed be a tree because God would be there to see it.

*

I cannot trust myself anymore. I have discovered that I am a product of ideology and brain washing and systems and societal moulding and I do not trust myself anymore. Everything we say or act is a result of the kind of culture that we are exposed to or the kinds of things that we read. It’s not even about exposure anymore. I don’t care if I’ve been to America or North Korea or Japan to be exposed to their culture. Because every single culture that I’m exposed to only add another layer to this ideological product that I am.

I cannot trust myself anymore and there is no escaping this. I do not know who I am and I cannot find any identity in the being that I have become and already am. We laugh at people who simply accept the system that they are presented and we call them under-exposed, immature, unintelligent, not well-read, don’t have their own mindset, brainwashed. But we do not realize that we, us, ourselves, are equally brainwashed into a culture that looks at others as brainwashed.

I am only just a multiple cell organism that has decided that I want to see what it’s like to think. Is it my brain that’s doing the thinking? Or is it my nerves? Or is it me? Or am I just a cell in the body that operates the entire body?

*

Ray is a cell. He is a single cell organism that has been misread. He didn’t evolve, he didn’t combine with other cells. He has all along been a single cell organism who just simply collected other cells to control them.

These other cells are called “body”. As a sort of collective term. People mistake this body as Ray. But really, Ray is just a single cell organism. And he forgot he is.

i am in the middle-of-exam break

when we do not know what we want

we will want everything

and then we will be disappointed

because it is known fact

that we will not get everything

the last night

It's 2.23am.

It's the third night of the wake.

It's the last night of the wake.

It's the second wake of the year.

It's the second wake in two months.

Once again, I am back at where I was two months ago. I remember exactly two months ago, at the exact same place, Richard's wake was just done and over with. We went up to the apartment flat, my auntie went to rest in the room, my sister gave her a little massage, we talked about life in the living room, on the way home believing that she was going to go soon, but not believing it would be in this year or the next, deciding we should spend more time with each other.

Exactly two months later, I receive a phone call. “你的姨妈走了。”

I called my cousin.

"Hey... is it... is it.. uh..."

"Yes. Yes she's gone."

I packed up my macdonald's lunch, went to the bus stop, got picked up by my pastor and arrived at the hospital, entered the room, my heart broke. All three of us, two pastors and myself, couldn't find a word to break repeated the chant in the room: “老婆。。老婆。。”

My tears came before my words. Or rather, they came in place of words.

After about 5 minutes of silence, sobs and hands being on shoulders, my uncle stopped, and gives us the story:

The date is 13th March 2011. It was a Sunday. As on most Sundays, the couple went to church, sang some worship songs, listened to the pastor preach, mingled with various members, all cheerful and believing that the world is a wonderful place.

They went for lunch, just as they would usually do on Sundays after church, and then retires to their apartment. She says she was feeling tired. She goes to rest in the room.

After a while, she calls out to him from the room. "Something's came out of my mouth," she says. He takes a look. Blood was coming out of her mouth. Shocked, he went to dial for an ambulance, and then comes back to carry her and wipes the blood with towel.

It kept coming. Kept coming. One towel after another was soaked in the red essence of life that was ebbing out of her frail body. He held her, held her, held her, until she passed out. He tells her, “老婆，不要睡啊。。”

She never woke up. He didn't know if she was just unconscious or... or... and he didn't know what to do. So he just held her, hoping, praying.

The ambulance arrived, and took the vital signs, and they announce... they...

"I'm sorry..."

At the wake, except for a few reckless ones, words are chosen carefully, as if they were mines laid out across the battlefield. The common ones are, 'it's good to move on', 'she's in a better place', 'God is with her', 'she can be with Richard now', 'there's not more suffering for her'.

Others remain silent.

Words are difficult, words do not suffice, words... are all we have for now.

We were ten. And now we are eight.

meow, meow meow

The cat.

The cat has been visiting rather often lately. For the past few nights, he would appear at my gate and mew, and my parents would inform me of his arrival (because I am holed up in my room doing my work whenever I am at home in the night). Then I would prepare food for the cat and set up a nice little supper snack outside my door.

Tonight he came again. As usual, I was in my room and I heard a very soft mew from the outside, and my mum's announcement that he is here once again. I wanted to play with him for a bit, so I opened the gate and let him in.

He walked right in, as if he had been into the house a thousand other times in the past. He walked around, looking here and there, searching all the gaps and corners in the house. He walked and stopped sometimes, turning his head left and right, tilting his head down and lifting it up again. He was looking for something. Looking for what?

He searched the living room, he searched my sister's room, he searched my room, and then not being able to find whatever he was looking for, he went back to the living room, sat down and started mewing for about 5 seconds.

Then my sister made a comment, that he's here to look for his friend. And oh yes, he had a friend. And his friend was staying here in this house, right before we moved in. But now, his friend is in Canada with the family that has moved out and migrated. The cat was not informed. His friend could not tell him. They have been separated and they do not even know why.

That's why the cat came in, as he usually did in the past, looking for his friend for a little late night chat, but could not find him, and instead found this new group of people who are following him around the house. Cats have no concept of travel, or home. They just believe in the simple pleasures of meeting each other every night and catching up with each other.

Convinced that his friend is no longer around in the apartment but not knowing why, he just sat the gate and stare into space. I wonder what was going in his mind as he just sat there and stare. He must have been expecting to see his friend, came to the place but only to find a different apartment at the same location, with no friend in sight.

He must have felt disappointed, or even betrayed, because his friend left without a word. Just as how so many humans have came and patted him on the head, cuddled with him, played with him and just as he felt that he really liked them, they left him. He will follow them but they will only find means to leave him behind. He has always been left behind.

A sense of sadness washed over me as these thoughts worked through my head. I wanted to keep him in the house but was not allowed to by the Empress Dowager. So I prepared a nice midnight snack for him, brought him out of the house and left him there to eat. But you can always come back, always come back and ask for me and I will come and talk with you, give you your snack and play with you.

I will. I will.

and death.

I wish that when I wake up in the morning, I will realise it is but a nightmare.

Still, my girlfriend is most amazing for the support she has given me.

emergency money

Overheard while I was on my way to lunch this afternoon:

"Mommy, I spent my $12 emergency money today... On sponge books..."

I do not know what "sponge books" is supposed to mean, it's probably something that has to do with school since his class just ended, and I could have heard wrongly because I wasn't paying much attention to this primary school child who is probably less than 10 years old, but I felt something in me that was special.

Here is a kid, talking into his mobile phone (a mobile phone at such a young age! I only had a pager!) and telling his mum that he has spent an amount of money that is reserved for emergency purposes only.

And I resolved in my heart that I am going to raise my kid this way, to teach him/her the importance of having budget, the importance of having monies stored away for emergency.

a very late new year post

The new year has come and gone, and as my friends have said during our mini-countdown party involving sukiyaki, barley, streetfighter IV, fireworks off in the distant Malaysia, and new year resolutions, "there will never be a new year but an old one."

So it probably doesn't matter whether this post is late by a day or late by 7 days. But still, I decided that something written in this manner and nature would be more appropriate to be given the title of "First Blog Post of 2011."

Personally, I felt that 2010 has been a really good year. It's been a year of challenges, surprises, and finally closing with rest. It's a good feeling, to feel that the year has ended, and that nothing too major, or urgent, or bad has been brought over to the next. It feels as if I can start the new year as new. Alright, it's just a feeling. Of course I am still having studies to be worried about, amidst other things, well.

A look back on the year:

School

2010 marked the promotion from Year 1 to Year 2. The jump in difficulty was really quite significant. Where I thought Year 1 Sem 2 was pretty tough, Year 2 Sem 1 only proved to be so much tougher. Still, I thank God for pulling me through, and I am only glad that the semester is over (even if that means I have another one to look forward to). Thank God for wonderful group mates during the first half of the year, people whom I have befriended and can really depend on for the rest of my time in SCI. Group work in 2nd half wasn't that great, but I still thank God that we have had our moments of superb inspirations and creativity, which until now I am still quite proud of. Overall, school in 2010 had been fun, and I hope it will still be in 2011.

CCA

2010 kicked off with the Singapore Canoe Marathon (which will also kick off 2011 on 9th Jan as well). Didn't exactly do very well, but considering that I had barely any experience and it being my first competition, I comfort myself by saying that at least I was in the middle rankings. Had a few more competitions - MR500, Round Ubin Kayak Race. The year closed with the Round Ubin Kayak Race 2010, which I felt we did really well. Got 5th, and the team overall won the Seniors Champion. And that was a good closing, in my opinion. 2011 - same competitions, but I hope we will do so much better. To start it off, again, Singapore Canoe Marathon, and I will be doing 31km this time. God bless me.

Church

Hasn't been the greatest of years in church, for a number of reasons. I joined the YCG Ministry in March, and until today, I felt that it's been both a good thing and a bad thing. The good thing is that I have so much more opportunities to serve God, to be active in the planning phase, and to help out people who matters to me. It's much more than that, but I should probably keep it short. The bad thing - it's draining my fire. Sometimes, I get so disillusioned by the number of things I need to do that I lose sight of what really mattered at first. The number of events really took a toll on me, and sometimes I would just ask myself in the middle of the night, "just what on earth am I doing all these for?" There are other things, but I'll leave it at that. Still, it's been good to see the YCG moving on to a different level of things under new leadership, and I have so much more to learn for this year.

Singapore Youth Olympic Games

Volunteered my time to help out during the games, and served in the position of Marshals Supervisor. Well, I have to say that it wasn't easy, because it requires me to lead other volunteers, whom I don't even know well. To wake up at 4.30am (just like in the army days) in order to reach NTU by 5am, planning the roster for the day and making sure everyone's welfare is taken care of. And then to attend the ops meeting, and then to walk about to ensure that everything is in order. And before you know it, it's lunch and then it's home time. It's been fun. Ops meeting really opened up my eyes to how complicated and difficult it is to organise an event such as the YOG. And I also got to meet so many other people from so many other countries, an opportunity which I don't think will come very often. Still, the uniform changing thing, ugh, don't remind me.

Part Time Jobs

Took up part time jobs, like really part time jobs, for the first time since I left the military. Tried the telemarketing line, but had a really bad experience. Didn't like it at all, simply because it was really boring. Calling numbers after numbers and getting rejected again and again simply wasn't a good feeling. Besides, I hated telemarketers myself. Moved on to work as an assistant chef, and that proved to be a much more rewarding experience. Not only did I learn very relevant kitchen skills and cooking experience, I also made friends whom I really enjoyed working with. On top of that, I was able to eat free food. :P In 2011, however, I think I am not going back to the kitchen, or at least not Coffee Club, because the people I worked with has left. And I am looking forward more to internships, either at SPH, or with the government service.

House Moving

Moved twice this year. First to Taman Jurong, which was a really bad experience, and then back to a different part of Yew Tee. The new house is pretty nice, and though I still miss the old one, I have found that I am starting to love this place over the past month. New furniture always feels good, and my room is so much neater now with refreshing colours. I thank God and all my friends, and especially ST for being with me through the difficult time of house moving, and hope that the next time I move, it will be a much more pleasant experience than this one.

The Year In General

In sum, the year has been a pretty good year. At the top of the list - girlfriend. But I shall not elaborate much on this public blog. And then there was Taiwan, which reminds me that I should probably write out a travel journal or post on the trip, since this blog recorded nothing concerning Taiwan, which has been a really fantastic and memorable trip for me. I wanna go travelling in 2011 again! And which also reminds me, that I haven't even uploaded the Taiwan photos on Facebook yet. Gosh, I am really fail.

2011

I want 2011 to be an even better year, or at least something of similar quality to 2010. I want to learn new things. First to come would be to learn driving, and after that, to really set my nerves down to pick up my dusty guitar and really learn it, again. I want to improve my relationships with the people around me. I want to repair what has been broken in my family, and love, or at least try to, my parents again. I want to do even better for school, and though unrealistic, I would like to try for First Class Honours. Okay, might not actually achieve it, but nothing wrong with aiming high, in my opinion. And of course, to love everyone around me, to see everyone happy, to make more friends, to read more books and know more things. That it would be a good year.