Submission

People who know me well enough would know that the past week had been quite a whirlwind for me and that my mood had been in the pits over the weekend. Right now, I am really quite messed up and I do not know what to do with the situation that faces me. This pushed me to look closer at what exactly happened that caused this mess. I turned to God for answers. And God answered.

It was not as if I stopped seeking God or what. It was not as if I wasn't following His will. It was all good at first. Everything was fine. It seemed as though things were going to turn out great. And now this. Things just seem to have taken a wrong turn, a bad turn. And I wonder why.

I prayed very hard to God, seeking answers from Him, seeking comfort, seeking guidance. And all three He provided. And I realised what exactly happened.

When this all began, I was really seeking God's guidance, walking close to Him on what I should do. Its almost as if I was just one step behind, following God's lead. Things went well, I admit. I was really happy. Its a happiness I have never felt in a really long long time. At that point in time, I thought everything was going to turn out just fine. God was really blessing me.

Then, I let my emotions got the better of me. I got impatient. I wanted to see this will of His be fulfilled, and fast. But God wasn't planning for that. His plan was not for this time. I do not know when it will be fulfilled and I was just afraid that at the end of the day it will be gone. I couldn't see the future, I couldn't see the whole road. So I took one step ahead of God. I ran faster and faster. I thought if I could run fast and far enough, I would be able to see His will fulfilled earlier. I could hear God telling me softly, "No, now's not the time yet. Don't go so fast." I didn't heed that advice of His. I was thinking that if it is God's will, then it is God's will, then it will all turn out right. But I forgot one thing.

God's will comes with God's timing. Everything must go according to His plan or it will not turn out right. I didn't realise that. I was in the heat of emotions and just went ahead of God. Well, at first it seemed all right. Then I started to mess up a little. Then more. Untill I created such a big mess I did not even know what to do. I just cried like a little child. God was still behind. He said "Look, didn't I told you? Now get up, you need to move on."

I learnt my lesson. I dare not run ahead of God anymore. Right now, I just want to stay beside God, walking just beside Him, letting Him lead the way. I want to hold His hand like a little child and not let it go, because I know He will bring to great things. I do not know if the mess could be salvaged or not. Maybe I have missed His will in this one rash action of mine. I don't know. All I know is I am going to let God lead me, and walk just one step behind Him. I am going to submit this entirely to Him, letting God take the lead and guiding me once again. Perhaps things could go back to how it was before, and this will could be fulfilled.

Just submitting to His lead now...