Post No. 276

"I have to get some sleep, I have to blog." I told myself to achieve these 2 today when I woke up for church this morning. And I did both.

Its the half way mark of the semester and I am really feeling the brunt from university. Mid-terms are over and things are only getting tougher.

What started off as a really relaxing term became increasingly difficult as weeks keep passing, readings start piling and assignments start streaming in. I'm still getting used to the system here, even though I am glad to say I no longer get lost in school anymore.

It's a system that places almost all responsibility of learning on the individual. And that I really need getting used to. YOU are the one who has to print your lecture notes and take down what the lecturer said. YOU are the one who have to kick off the discussion during tutorials, and if you don't, nothing is going to happen. YOU are the one who have to finish all your readings before class because the lecturer/tutor is not going to bother summarising the reading for you. YOU are the one who have to prepare yourself for your exams because there is not going to be tests or quizes or homework or anything of that sort, you go straight into your mid-term/term paper/assignments/exam and these are going to directly affect your grade (you don't have the time for ineffectual homework anyway).

But enough of school, now that recess week is here. I really appreciate it, this recess. There's reason why its not called a holiday (although technically it is). It's because, I'm sure every undergraduate knows, its a week whereby you (and you know you have to) catch up with all your readings and complete your assignments before the term resumes. And if you don't, you are going to have alot on your hands during the second half.

And that's what I am going to do. I am going to make sure I finish writing my lit essays, do up the draft for my politics term paper, do that twitter assignment and complete the readings for the start of school. While doing these, canoe training would also become more intensive. However, I am still not giving up hope that I will get to watch a movie (hopefully Time Traveller's Wife) or go out for a nice meal with friends. I am hopeful, I have to be.

BIG Create is over and I am glad I took a little breather from church activities in the light of heavy workload and the mid term. Despite the lack of much victory for my region's side, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. However, it won't be long before I get myself involved again.

My region is not doing well. I have to admit it. Things are not going effectively and I am not helping by folding my arms while standing on the sidelines. I had my reservations at first. I had issues with certain leaders whose lack of enthusiasm really affected me. Its disappointing sometimes, to see your region leaders treat their ministry so lightly and placing their priorities in the wrong places. I am not referring to everybody of course, just a few. Yes, its a personal issue and I have to get over it. And I promise I will.

Super Ocean Leagues closed just yesterday and I am glad my team finally won something. It was certainly a tight match at the volleyball men's finals against region D what with the score being at 25 - 20s for all 4 sets. Its been some time since I've been going for one of those 'voucher buffets' and I'm happy I'll be going for one.

I watched the Singapore Formula 1 Grand Prix 2009 on TV only just now and it brought back many memories from last year's race when I was there. I still remember waking up early to prepare ourselves and then going to the site, do our rehearsals and do our 'pseudo-patrols' just so we can get the chance to walk around and even watch the race from the grand stands. It was fun shopping even at those outrageously expensive stores that sell F1 t-shirts and souveniors, of which I spent at least $100 on. It was simply amazing to enjoy the sights and sounds of the carnival like a tourist even though we were there to do a job.

My dreams. I have been dreaming alot these days. I wish I could fulfil those dreams and I want to. But with the way things are right now, how am I going to ever start on them? I wish I had an answer. There are just simply so many uncertainties that every possible step is filled with doubts and questions. Actually, there is only one question (it goes like "To be or not to be", bah), and this question I dare not ask. I dare not risk destroying something wonderful for something that might be more beautiful. Oh, the dilemma!

Oh how I wish there was some sort of divine revelation for me. Like a booming voice from heaven that says "go for it!". Yet, I know its not going to be like that.

I contradict myself, I know I do.