Fear

Its a fear I cannot understand. A fear I never had before. The fear of being reckless, fear of being daring. Yes, I am bounded, chained by a fear I never used to have. Its been 5 days since I got my bicycle back and trust me, I have been cycling for these 5 days. However, something is very different from the past. Now, theres a fear that wraps around me, causing me to be extremely careful. This extra attention that I give to the traffic. The slow speed that I move at on the pedestrian walkway. I know where this fear comes from. I suppose its what they call post accident trauma. Being knocked down by a car and losing a bike has certainly inserted a safety measure in me. This safety measure made me fear traffic, fear the road, fear speed. For these 5 days that I was on wheels, I hardly hit the road. Most of the time I would just cruise my way around on pedestrian walkways. I am afraid of the road. I am afraid of cars knocking me down. Even on the walkways, I cycle very slowly. Its very hard for me to go into gear 8, or even 7. I am afraid of knocking people down, I am afraid of falling. The guts that used to be with me when I cycle is gone. I feel rather lost, not knowing where to go. I do not know whether this is a good thing or not. Some might say this is good, that I pay so much care and attention to my own safety, but I don't know. I really want my guts back. I want to speed on the roads with no fear again. I want to ride down hills. I want to go off road. I want to be the biker I used to be. I want my guts back. Take away this fear from me. Release me from the bondage of trauma, break the chains of fear that lock me down.