Untitled

Recently my mind has been in a mess. I could not concentrate on what I am doing and I am just not myself. I figured out that something is wrong with me so I went to the doctor to check up. After an examination, the doctor diagnosed what is the problem. He told me that my heart has been stolen.

I was shocked. What? My heart is stolen? I couldn't believe it. I reached out and touched where my heart used to be. Its gone. When? Who? How? I couldn't remember. Since when was my heart stolen from me? I didn't know. I looked at the void in my chest. Then I remembered what happened. No one stole my heart. I gave my heart to someone. To. Her.

It cannot be like this. I was distraught. I cannot allow myself to remain like this. So I went out. I ran out onto the streets. Desperately looking. Frantically searching. Kept on walking. A man without a heart. It wasn't that hard to find. She wasn't that hard to find. She's been there all along. She's been holding my heart and she might not even have realised it. She looked at me, wondering what I want.

I wanted to ask for my heart. It did not happen. I could not ask back for my heart. In fact, I did not even want my heart back. It was for her. It was intended for her. I finally realised what had happened. All I wanted was her heart. The void was for her to fill.

I wanted to ask for her heart. Still it did not happen. I could not do it. I could not ask. I realised how much of a coward I actually am. A man without guts. A man without a heart. Its not her that I am afraid of. It is the result. Of course it would be wonderful if she would give me her heart if I asked, but what if she would not? I realised that I am unable to face rejection. I realised that I would crush under rejection. I just could not face the consequences. In fact, I do not even know how to ask. I do not know how to open my mouth to ask for her heart. I just do not know.

She looked at me with a smile. Does she know what I want? Does she know what I am here for? Does she know why I am standing in front of her? Its almost as if she would give her heart to me if I would ask. Yet, it seems not. She could be smiling to everybody else. Theres so many people around me. So many people. They all have a heart with them. They looked at me, wondering whats wrong. Why is he not having a heart? Why is she holding 2 hearts? They know whats wrong. They could figure it out. However, they could not help. Some tell me to just take my own heart and go. Some tell me to ask her for her heart.

I could not figure out who to listen to. I am confused. I know what I wanted to do. I just could not do it. I just did not know how to ask. So all I do is just stand in front of her. Without a heart. Speechless. Motionless. Waiting for a miracle. Waiting for something to just happen. Waiting for my courage to arrive. Waiting for someone to push me. Waiting for someone to pull me away. Waiting, waiting. Me. Her. Them.