Human Freewill VS God’s Will

This is probably one of the biggest debates, both in the secular world and in the Christian world. Is there human freewill, or is everything under God’s will, commonly known as fate?

It is no wonder why this is such a big debate. Whether you are Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, Christian, you want to know if what you have a choice in the things that you do, or is your god in control of every single thing in your life, including how much hair grows on your head. Even if you are an atheist, you are also likely to be curious if you have a say in life, or is everything under the bigger umbrella of “fate”.

At a glance, this argument seems simple enough. Humans either have freewill, or they don’t. But when one digs just a tiny bit deeper, things get a little complicated.

But before I go into that, let’s establish some things first. Human freewill and God’s will are two concepts that are highly irreconcilable. That is to say, if human have freewill in their lives, then God’s will is not going to have a say. If God’s will exist in our lives, then human freewill will be extinguished.

Why do I say that? Let me explain.

If there is human freewill, it would very well mean that human has control over the decisions he makes in his life. With that, it would therefore also mean that God has no control over the life of man, because control over one’s life cannot be shared. This is because human’s decisions in life will very unlikely coincide with that of God’s, and if control is shared, God will simply intervene and there will be no freewill on human’s side. Say we take up this camp of the argument, then that would mean everything in this world will be up to chance, and a complex interaction of human decisions.

So maybe we feel that this is not the case. That God’s will is the order of the day. Then there can probably be no human freewill. This is very simply because everything we do will be decided by the almighty, and we have no power to decide what we want to do. Power cannot be shared as well, as any intervention from God’s side will simply rob humans of their will. Why else would God intervene? Is it not to make sure that humans do things according to the way that he willed it to be?

Now that we have established these, let’s take a closer look at the issue. More than freewill is at stake here. If we slant to the side of human freewill, we are very much undermining the power of God in this world, or even destroy the very notion of God itself, and ultimately of religion. So really, it’s not as simple as going to one side or the other.

In this piece, I must first declare that I am not trying to solve this issue by finding out what is right and what is wrong. I simply know too little, and this limited knowledge does not allow me to answer any questions, or make any decisions for an issue as big as this. I only seek to explore the possibilities here.

Let us look at the reality. And I’ll take the Christian’s viewpoint here, simply because I am Christian and would therefore be not adequate to take any other viewpoint due to the lack of knowledge.

The Christian believes that Man has freewill, and that God has a foreknowledge of that freewill. Meaning, Man has the will to sin, and God knows beforehand that Man will be sinning. Simply put, Man can decide whether he wants to sin or not (therefore having freewill), but God already knows that he will sin (foreknowledge). So, here, if you have not realised it already, is a big contradiction. As explained earlier, these two ideas cannot exist.

If God has a foreknowledge that Man will sin, it cannot equate to freewill simply because Man no longer has any choices to make but to sin. This means that God already knows that you will sin, and you will then be saved or not, and then go to heaven or hell (this is the Christian stand). Simply put, God knows where you will end up in the end, heaven or hell, and whatever you do, to be saved or not to be is already pre-determined because God has already decided so, or rather, foreseen. Your choice is already foretold, it’s already decided. If that is so, then what choice do you actually have? What’s the point of making the choice even?

If Man has freewill, he can then choose to not sin, but that would undermine the God’s omniscience. If Man does not sin, that would mean that God was wrong. And if God was wrong, He is not perfect. And if He is not perfect, He cannot be the God that we perceive Him to be. God will be torn down.

Now now now, that is a little blasphemous isn’t it? I have basically torn down an argument that so many Christians hold in order to uphold the fact that we have freewill and that God is omniscient. But let’s try to salvage it a little.

The earlier argument stands on the point that God foresees our actions because He already knows the end and result. But let’s twist that a little. Let’s say God does not have perfect knowledge of what’s going to happen in the future, but just simply a perfect knowledge of us as human beings. The fact that He created all of us (assuming that this is true) would very much qualify this statement. So He has to have a perfect knowledge of EVERYONE in this world, because He created everyone.

Now let’s assume that God has a mind that far overpowers any super computer in this world. And using the knowledge that He has of everybody (note, it’s not the future that he has knowledge of, but of people), He uses a calculation to map out all the possibilities that everyone will encounter, how these possibilities will affect the person’s choices in life, and how these choices will affect the future of this person. If that is the case, it is highly possible that God is capable of calculating the future of a person. Calculating the future (also termed “suan ming” in Chinese) is not the same as knowing the future. This would thus give Man a certain degree of freewill.

But the Christian will not accept this argument, even if it means satisfying their concept of freewill and God’s foreknowledge. And the only reason for this is because they will want to believe that their God is omniscient. If God is omniscient, He will have to have perfect knowledge of the future. However, at the same time, the Christian also wants to believe that he has freewill, he wants to tell the people around him that it is their choice whether or not they want to be saved (although in his heart, he probably knows that God has already foreseen it). The Christian will want to tell you that it is in his freedom whether or not he wants to carry out God’s will.

That would of course sound like a very convincing argument. God has a will for us, and it is up to us whether or not we want to carry it out. It seems to satisfy the contradiction, but it really does not. Because if God is omniscient, He already knows whether or not we will carry it out, and if He knows, what freewill do we have? Everything is already determined in this case, and I am only repeating arguments presented earlier. If we exercise our freewill and do something that God has not foreseen, that would undermine His power of foreseeing, and He is no longer omniscient.

Ultimately, the concept of human freewill and God’s will and omniscience can never be reconciled. It is a contradiction. As much as Christianity tries to present it as a whole and satisfy the best of both worlds, the contradictions still remain and arguments to present it as a satisfied whole remain flawed.

That is how Christianity works. Until today, it remains a religion that is flawed and filled with contradictions and loopholes. However, that doesn’t mean we should abandon it all together. It is just like any other religion. There are always points for contention, but that is only to be expected. Religion is man-made, and man-made things are never perfect.

Rather than using flawed arguments to cover up something that is imperfect, perhaps it is better that we accept these imperfections as they are and keep exploring. The moment we stop exploring religion is the moment we stop learning about it. Nobody is right or wrong because nobody knows the answers anyway. Aren’t we all in the same journey of discovery?

Monster

The flu bug is on the loose now.

Friends are all suffering from the ravage.

I should start eating healthy, sleep early, and drink more water.

I think I failed to achieve the "sleep early" part already, with this post at 2.38am.

And to all my friends who are under influence of this tiny but devastating monster, please get well soon. I'll be praying for all of you. :D Remember to eat healthy, sleep early and drink more water!

Here's a friendly hygiene message to remind everyone to please cover your mouth when you sneeze. A little act of hygenic kindness goes a long way: for your image and for the sake of everyone around you.

in the afternoon

the sun beats down
on our already
Sunny island.

the tarmac road
responds with
a little heat-wave mirage.

"Aiyoooo!
So
HOT!"

the auntie in her
elaborate jewellery
exclaims.

she proceeds to
open an
Umbrella.

News Reporting

Very educational, yes yes.

Free-will?

In that now much-neglected classic Penguin Island, Anatole France tells the story of an old half-blind Celtic saint, St. Mael, who goes off one day in his miraculous stone boat, is swept north by a current and lands on an ice floe. He is immediately surrounded by a flock of small, inquisitive, chattering creatures and being too short-sighted to see that they are penguins, he baptized them. This raises grave theological difficulties for the celestial authorities, and in the council in heaven meets to discuss the problem, doctors of the church and saints debate the fate of the baptized penguins. It is finally decided to turn them into human beings, and they are thus subject to the fate of man - the fall from grace, the expulsion from the garden, sin, work, disease, and death, judgment and redemption. (As the Almighty remarks, they would have been much better off if they had gone on being penguins.) He closes the debate with a reminder to himself that though they will certainly fall from grace, they are nonetheless free not to do so. "However, my foreknowledge musy not be allowed to interfere with their free will. So as not to limit human freedom, I hereby assume ignorance of what I know, I wind tightly over my eyes the veils which I have seen through, and in my blind clairvoyance, I allow myself to be surprised by what I have foreseen."

- from the introduction by Robert Fagles to "Oedipus The King", on human free-will and fate/God's foreknowledge of human actions

Rain Song

When the rain starts pouring down on you
on a supposedly sunny day.

Don't run.

Let
the raindrops hit
your hair,
your skin.
Receive this gift from Ouranos.

Close your eyes.

Breathe
in the smell of
the grass,
the soil.
Reconnect with Gaia once more.

The sunny days aren't really so fantastic.

The Sky is is not the limit when you are at Limpopo River.

Alex Khong commented that I had very sharp eyesight because I spotted a whole bunch of balloons floating into the sky tonight. But no, I do not have a very sharp eye, I simply have the habit of looking to the sky.

The musical tonight was good. Yep, good! Tried to trick Andrea by saying we forgot the flowers, but Zhi Wei just had to be behind me holding the bouquet of flowers. Oh well. Here's how I feel (un-professional comments) about the musical anyway, if you are interested to know.

Things that I enjoyed:

- The plot line. Although predictable, the plot was heartwarming and pretty sweet with the focus on friendship (I know it is overused for school productions) and the twist with creation and genesis. And the story within a play thing, love it.

- The set. Simply love the set. How they used different things to create the set, the books (BOOKS!) to represent birds (tempted to over-read this), umbrellas for trees, lamps for stars. And then the rainbow!

- The singing. It being a musical, the singing of course has been very impressive. I'm a not a music person so I won't know what keys they hit or what not, but it was nice. And that's enough for me. :D Bird girl and Magician are awesome singers! Elephant child not too bad as well! Can hear Andrea when she sang too!

- The lighting and music. Good play on the lighting and colours. I could really feel the emotions intended for the scenes! Good stuff.

- The humour. Word play and witty jokes, and a few "not so healthy" ones. Had a pretty good laugh throughout most of the musical. Rhino guy was awesome.

- Props use. Yes, very creative use of props. Crocodile ladder, umbrellas in the finale, stuff and stuff. But what were those things that dropped out of the cooking stove anyway?

- Dance. Dances were pretty spectacular. Maybe not very action-packed, but still very nice!

But of course, there is always some room for improvement so we can look forward to another production, isn't it? :

- Magician guy could use a little more "oomph" when he is narrating the story at the beginning. The narrating tone and "lightning boom" music abit didn't match leh...

- Leopard and Jaguar characters seemed a little... flat. Not villain-ish enough probably. Were they lecherous too?

- There were some parts when I found it really difficult trying to catch what was being said/sang. Okay, maybe its just me. But I really didn't catch much of what the kangaroo guy was singing.

- The singlish/rislow-ish english part seemed a little jarring. It's like it was placed there just for the sake of it. It could use a little more development (but what development? I also don't know la) or it probably should have been left out. Was the use of chinese intended anyway? Only 1 sentence!

Overall, the musical is good! I enjoyed it very much personally, and I'm sure most people did as well. Well worth the $21, but I'm not that calculative la!

Oh, I love the tune but I forgot how it was like.

Limpopo river...

Ithaca

When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon -- do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path,
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your soul does not set them up before you.

Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber, and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from scholars.

Always keep Ithaca on your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.

Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would have never set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what these Ithacas mean.

- Constantine P. Cavafy

the treasure of the adventure is usually the adventure itself. :D

Clearing. Memories.

In order to create space for my poor books who were lying on the floor and on the printer, I used this evening to clear out the relics lying in my shelves.

It was a walk down memory lane.

Relics and artifacts from the past decade of my life all cramped into those shelves in my mega-wardrobe. There were so many things.

Game cards. Pokemon, Yu-gi-oh, Kenshin. How much money have I spent on these things and I don't even remember playing them much! (except maybe Yu-gi-oh)

Discman, walkman. Relics in an era where MP3s and iPods now rule the world. Does anybody even remember them? They were such important things!

Letters. Love letters. Haha, those were such happening days.

Information booklets, pamphlets, leaflets. From NTU, NUS, SMU, SIM, NP, SP, NYP, SAF, RSAF, NAVY, Scholarships, Careers etc etc. I had so many options back then! So many paths to go!

Certificates. Swimming, army, secondary school, results etc etc. Some things I have already forgotten about. But oh well.

Soft toys, remote control car and some other toys. Only a few that I decided to keep from a further past.

Photos. Class photos, army photos, photo albums.

Notebooks. From JC, from army. I have spent so much effort writing them in! So meticulously making sure I don't miss a single thing.

Shoeboxes. There's just something about shoeboxes and me. I love to keep shoeboxes, and I don't even know why.

Games. Some games that I have no idea how they ended up in the shelves. I found my copy of the PC version of FFVII too. :D

Most of them had to go. Some are given to my mum so she can find a kid whom she can bless with those soft toys and a remote control car. Some get to stay, especially those photos. I don't throw photos away, they are too sacred.

I feel like the government.

"We need to make space for new development! We will demolish this this this! Oh why do you want to keep these old buildings and places? They are taking up space! They do nothing but give you a sense of nostalgia!"

But, but, but... we are all addicted to the feeling of nostalgia...

"Ah fine, we'll keep a few of them in Chinatown! They might boost tourism anyway."

Thanks.

"Destroy destroy destroy. Build build build. Economics rules the world!"

While doing my clearing up, my dad brought some guests into the house, only to find it in a mess with everything on the floor.

"Wah, doing spring cleaning ah? Good good, chinese new year coming already."

Oh yes, its that time of the year already.

The books look so beautiful on the shelves now.

Receiving mail.

I love to receive letters. Because I always feel that there's some sort of a surprise waiting for me inside those white envelopes. Most of them are just bank statements and bills, but sometimes they can really be quite a surprise.

I saw a white envelope on my bed when I got home this evening. A plain white envelope with only my name and address, the kind that has the greatest potential of containing a surprise. (those with POSB or M1 on them have no surprises at all. the ones with "On Government Service" might have some surprises)

I picked up and opened it. And then I saw...

NGEE ANN POLYTECHNIC ---> "huh? okay, maybe they still want to invite me for their open house or what. some people never give up one."

*my name and address*

Dear Sir/Mdm,
Common Test Results and Attendance Record of ......, ANG PEI YI (my sister's name)
....
....
.... A copy of your child/ward's common test is attached for your attention....
....
....
....
Hope you will have a satisfying discussion with your child/ward on this matter. We believe your partnership and continual involvement will motivate your son/daughter to put in the extra effort needed for him/her to do well.
....
....
*end of letter*

Now, talk about a surprise. How on earth did this letter end up having my name on instead of my parents' totally evaded me. I read for a while, amused, surprised, confused, before bringing to my parents.

Dad: "What's in the letter?"

Me: "Just mei's results and attendance lo. And some information on examinations." *proceeds to read off the letter*

Dad: "How come will have your name one? (tells my mum) Call Pei Yi and ask her what happen."

Mum: "(on phone with sis) Your father change name already ah? Become kor's. You better go and update okay."

Apparently everyone thinks its too much for a mistake like that. I find it rather amusing though.

I am impressed with my sister's results. A+. Still need what discussion.

I love the whole world.

How about you?

Academics

You know, the one who scores As all the time, who manages to just memorise everything there is in the textbook including indexes and glossaries, knows what "A+B x (AB+CD-DE) / ACD+ABE(CDB) = ABCD" is supposed to mean, who cries just because he gets more than 5 points in the 'O' Levels exams or because he gets 1 B in his otherwise all As 'A' level exams or because he gets GPA 4.9 instead of 5.

An academic is logical, is smart, can memorise stuff, knows how to solve the longest equations in the world, knows all the formulas there are to understanding speed, chemical reactions and how to make a new planet from dust.

I am not an academic. I get crappy grades, I can't solve any form of equations and I do not know a single formula. But I think. I love to think. I love to think about why I do the things I do. I love to think about possibilities, about things that just simply cannot be placed under the umbrella of logic but still exists. Because logic isn't all there is to this world. Logic will simply burn itself out.

You put an academic scholar to do road planning, which of course they will do because they all get government scholarships and is therefore the best people to decide for us mortals.

From point A to B, build a road.

"He will tell you to build a straight road."

"But why build a straight road? Why can't we build a road that goes around a park or a forest or some scenery?"

"Because the straight road is the fastest way from point A to B."

"But why must it be the fastest way?"

"To save time of course, dumbass."

"But who said we needed to save time?"

"Because that's the only logical thing to do!"

"Why are we building a road anyway?"

"Because we are told to do so! What an idiot!"

Yes, I am idiot because I question too much. That's why I can't do Maths. Because I simply cannot figure out how it works. Because I simply cannot take it that people dish out a formula to me and I just have to accept it that things work this way.

"A + B = C"

"But why? Who said A + B must = C?"

"There is no why. A + B = C because A + B = C."

It may be ironic how I am writing this in a university. But I did not come to the university to be educated. I come to the university to experience education.

Its easy to think outside the box. But things don't just come in one box. They come in multiple boxes. You get out of one and you will find that you are in another.

We have to keep questioning. Why are things the way they are? Could it have been any different? Is there anything we can do about it?

But of course, I am against mindless opposition. You cannot just doubt. You cannot just be cynical for the sake of being cynical. You have to know why you are questioning, have a cause, a purpose. I might contradict myself, but you have to have a reason. And then you do something about it.

Don't get me wrong though. I am just doing a generalization of academics to put my point across. I know I am generalizing if I just say academics are all just mindless robots who download information into their brains and then upload them into paper. There are of course those who engage in critical thinking as well.

What I want to say is simply the fact that we need to be careful so that we do not lose the edge in our minds. We have to keep sharpening it, using it, putting it to its limits, and not end up substituting the metal sword of thought with the wooden sword of spoon-fed knowledge.

And school begins again.

Zimmer’s inspiration for the score was The Threepenny Opera, Kurt Weill’s macabre tale of Victorian London’s criminal underbelly (although he cheerfully admits there is a dash of Steptoe and Son thrown into the mix). Like Weill’s new invented folk tunes, Zimmer’s music has a hidden sophistication. The pianos may be out of tune but they are all played impeccably. “It’s a typical example of Zimmer madness, where I hear a sound in my head and how are we gonna get it? I was looking for a pub piano sound, something that had that lived-in quality, but there are no pubs in Los Angeles. At first I got someone to detune my piano but it just sounded out of tune so I asked my assistant to go onto Craigslist and find me a broken piano. Actually the broken piano became a bigger thing because then I thought, rather than use big drums what would a piano sound like if you dropped it down a flight of stairs?”

And did you do it?

“Yeah. We rented 20th Century Fox’s underground car park one Sunday and did hideous things to a piano. Actually, that was the second broken piano we bought. The first one I had every intention of destroying but when it arrived you could tell that someone had loved and cared for it all their life — it was so sweet. My reaction was, ‘We can’t break this. Find me an abused piano.’”

- From "Hans Zimmer: 'The sound of Sherlock Holmes? It’s a broken piano'"

And yes, school starts tomorrow and I do not know what to expect.

The Big Move

We moved our boats, peddles and life vests from Macritchie Reservoir to Kallang River today in preparation for the race coming in 2 weeks time. We loaded them all into 2 lorries, got onto the back of the lorry and let it carry us to the river. Its so... nice.

I've come to like my canoeing team. I like how everybody looks out for each other, help each other, advise each other, encourage each other. I like how nobody looks down on anybody just because he's a little slow or little lousy with his technique. Everyone sees each other as equals, as simply a part of the team.

We don't just canoe. Its a canoeing team but its more "team" than "canoeing". We go eat dim sum, we go play LAN games, we tease those who scored GPA of 4.8.

Upon reaching the river, we unloaded for a short paddling session. When coming back to shore, we deliberately made the #1 loudest team mate capsize to have a good laugh before washing our boats together. Boat washing is... heart-warming? I don't know the right word to use here. It gives me this sense of belonging.

Everyone bringing the boats out one by one to be scrubbed, soaped, washed. A whole bunch of people working on one boat at a time. Spraying water at each other, asking for water to be sprayed on because its oh so so so hot under the afternoon sun! I think I got sunburnt. But its so fun. Its not the washing, its the washing together.

I don't know how I will fare in the race happening in 2 weeks time. We have trained really hard for the past month but I really don't think I am good enough yet. Sometimes I just feel like giving up especially during the endurance trainings, whereby we paddle continuously for 14km! But I will just tell myself, "just finish this, just finish this" and I will finish it eventually, even if not within good timing.

I do know one thing though. In this team, no one is going to blame anybody for not winning anything. We all know our limitations. We are not monsters. We know we are students. We know we have to take a break before examinations for revision. We know we are here to experience, to work hard together, and if we win anything, its a bonus.

What a gem

I just saw this on mrbrown.com and I love it so much that I just have to post it here. I really really really love the sarcasm. :D

A certain Eric How, allegedly a Young PAP (YPAP) member, got into a flame war with some 3in1kopitiam forumers on Facebook and posted this little gem:

"Do not be bitter and go on slapping on the Government senselessly because you did not get any fruits or benefits from your forefather. You will have to blame on your karma or your forefathers for not getting all the paths right for their off springs. My folks did the right thing by getting all the stuffs ready for us and we will never ever need to nag about the Government giving jobs to foreigners instead of locals. In fact, we create jobs for others. Our folks even make sure that we guys do not need to squeeze into public transport by getting each of us a personal car.
The job market is an open competition whereby the best person gets the job and not because of nationalities. Buck up and do something right for you’re off springs so that they will be thankful to you and not turn up to be like you guys nagging senselessly."


I think Mr Eric How is right. Don't blame the gahmen for your lack of fruits and benefits! Blame your own suay karma! Blame your forefather! Who asked your loser forefathers to be useless coolies slogging away at some blue collar job? It is their fault for not setting you up with jobs and careers!

Look at Mr Eric How! His parents did the right thing by "getting all the stuffs ready" for him. No need to rely on the gahmen for jobs! Mommy and Daddy set him up good!

In fact, his Mommy and Daddy "create jobs for others", ok? We should THANK the likes of Eric How and his family for our jobs and for not being a burden to the state.

And if you feel that public transport has been less crowded lately, you can thank this Eric How and his family too! His Mommy and Daddy got him and his siblings a personal car each, so that they don't need to squeeze into the MRT and buses and add to the congestion!

How can we ever thank this Eric How and his loaded elite family for their benevolence and love for the common man? They are so considerate!

If only YPAP had more members like Eric How who truly care for the masses and contribute so much to the good of the nation!

The special people at the coffeeshop

I went to the coffeeshop my mum works at this evening to have my dinner.

An auntie walks by, sees me and asks my mum in hokkien:

"Li eh kia, ah?" (your son?)

"Ya lo"

"Wah, ah ni orh, ah?" (wah, so black, ah?)

"Heh"

At this point which she turns to me and ask, in mandarin:

"Ni kang kang cong fei zhou hui lai, ah?" (you just came back from Africa is it?)

I could only afford a smile and she walks away.

People at the coffeeshop have the special ability of leaving me dumbfounded.

Christianity Without Traditions

Religion is filled with changes. It evolves from one era to another, gets some tinkering done in between generations and ultimately what we believe today is really a largely modified version of what it was meant to be.

The believers, however, are often blind to this fact. They love to believe that what they are believing now, how they believe now, and everything in their belief is the tradition, the source, the one truth. They say, "but we must keep to the traditional ways! We cannot keep having so much changes to the church! Your idea is too radical!" Little do they know that this "tradition" they claim is actually radicalism a generation before.

I do not know about how the other religions evolve other than the fact that monks walk on tight ropes and gets called to court these days, but I will attempt to explore the evolution path of Christianity as we know it.

Lets begin from the beginning. When organized religion/worship was first recorded in the bible. I like to believe that this started with Cain and Abel but I really have no idea how they worshipped. It appeared to me that pre-Egypt era's worship was a very primitive, unorganized, and is a pure relationship form between Man and God. In simple words, man goes straight to God. There's no walala in between. Purely relationship. That's the beginning. (and I believe very much this is what we try to achieve today, just that we got clogged up by the walalas)

Then comes the post-Egypt era, the "We are God's people and these rules will guide us" era. Israelites receive a whole bunch of dos-and-don'ts from God via Moses. Other than the ten commandments, there's a whole lot of rules listed in Leviticus. Sabbaths, fasting, tithing, sacrifice... the list goes on. This is also when it became extremely exclusive. The whole "God chosen people" thing really got to the Israelites and they go to wars with other countries to carve out their promised land. Although some of the stories in this era still remain relevant today, the entire concept is actually quite screwed up. Such a view of themselves really show how narrow-minded the Israelites were, but of course that's not for me to comment because God chose them anyway.

Whatever happens in between this era till Jesus's time is really quite gray to me. Israel gets defeated in war and exiled from their land, moving from one place to another, and then returned to their land, and then the prophets wrote alot of stuff. This era is filled with woes and dryness. You get alot of lamentations, and you get Lamentations itself. I do not know what to say about this era, I think religion itself is having a hard time in the face of their pagan lords, and thus the bleakness.

Then came Jesus time. Jesus gave religion a whole new meaning with the changes he brought about. Some of the laws were given new meaning (you murdered when you anger, you commit adultery when you lust) and the religion is no longer exclusive. Major parts of the old religion were abolished or given another meaning (such as sacrifice and fasting - see Matthew 9:14 for a saga on fasting) This of course was resisted by the pharisees. The pharisees often question Jesus and accuse him of blasphemy.

We often see the pharisees as the bad guys, as too traditional, think too much about themselves, showy. But that's really because we are on Jesus's side. When you really think about it, this has been the way they go about religion for the past hundreds or even thousands of years! Can we blame them for their reactions? For so long they've been doing things the traditional way and now this guy comes along and tries to overturn everything. So what if Jesus is the son of God? That, to their eyes, is a blasphemy in itself (gosh I am so close to committing blasphemy myself!)

The pharisees, if we take away the cloak of evilness that the bible put on them, are simply resisting change to a tradition that they have held dear almost all their lives. The key lesson that we can take away from them is perhaps the need for us to embrace changes in the traditions that we hold. We have to be open minded, ready to become radical in our thinking, cross the line, jump over the boundaries. Religion is not set in stone, and we won't be the first ones crossing boundaries here.

Protestanism, as we know it today, was a radical branch from Catholicism formed during the "Protestant Reformation" in 1517 when Martin Luther nailed the Ninety-Five Theses on the Power and Efficacy of Indulgences to the door of the All-Saints Church in Germany. In England itself, the reformation was embraced by King Henry VIII as the Catholic church did not allow him to divorce his first wife to marry his second. There was a whole bunch of other events untill Queen Elizabeth I established Protestanism as the main religion over England, thus us seeing it as the traditional despite of it being radical at the start. A whole bunch of politics become intertwined with religion as well.

Denominations form as the Protestants get fragmented and divided with their beliefs. Anglicans, Baptist, Pentecostals et cetera were all formed during this fragmentation. What we think has been around since a long long time ago was acutally formed only 500 years ago. That what we believe is traditional was a radical reformation from the the Catholic church

Up till today, Christianity keeps going through changes. Worship styles change, the way messages are preached also change, the way churches are built et cetera. If we become blinded by "traditions", we will never be able to go anywhere. We have to embrace changes, put more thought into the unorthodox. We have to push ourselves to think out of the box, or we will only end up like the pharisees ourselves, holding on to our "traditions" so tightly that we become incapable to embracing the future and miss out on so so much.

We have to understand that religion is ever evolving. What is tradition or fundamental now was radical in the past. What was tradition in the past, was radical in an even distant past. If we ever do a backtrack in order to find the one true source/tradition of religion, we will only find God standing in the picture.

God is the only constant, the source, the traditon. Religion as we know it only serves as the walala. But we will never be able to go back to how it used to be millenias ago. The only way now, perhaps, is forward. And the only way forward is to embrace what comes our way. Sitting in the baby pool of "traditions" really will not get us anyway.

Team 7!

Friendships - They never fail to put a smile on you.

The Countdown

5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Cheer is contagious. As everyone shouts, "HAPPY NEW YEAR!! WOOOO!" One group lights a sparkler there and another one somewhere else and soon the entire park is filled with sparklers and smoke.

I found myself walking out of the pavillion we were camped in onto the grass and towards the beach, breathing in the air of the new year and filling my lungs with sparklers smoke that might have reduced my lifespan by at least a year.

Ships that were out at sea fired their flares into the sky and this cheered me up. Horns were blasted from some other ships to join in the celebration as well.

A couple was on a picnic mat at the field I was walking on and the man was kneeling in front of the sitting lady. "I promise I will love you even deeper and take care of you in the new year..."

A police car goes by with its red and blue blinkers as if it wanted to blend into the celebrations as well.

The full moon was up in the sky. It was the blue moon. Its not exactly blue, but its the blue moon because its the second full moon of the month, and this phenomenon happens only once in a blue moon, well, literally.

I return to the candle-lit pavillion to find people waxing the floor with their little outbursts of creativity. "Ah, vandalism, but who cares, its the new year, you can do anything because everybody is so happy."

Its funny, how we are always so caught up with countdowns. Its almost as if we expect something big to happen at the end of the "3, 2 ,1". Like maybe an asteroid will fall through the sky, or the earth will break open, or Jesus Christ will appear out of nowhere, or just something incredible. Of course, nothing big ever happened so its made up by firing some fireworks or lighting some sparklers.

Its almost as if we expect some change to happen in our body or mind, maybe we will be enlightened, maybe we will lose some pounds, gain some mass somewhere where we want it. I check myself- nope.

It never happens. Nothing ever happens. At the end of the "3, 2, 1" all that happened is just time passed. We sing songs, we dance, we congratulate each other, we shake each other's hands, and then we sit down and smile at each other. 21 years I have been on this planet and such traditions still remain.

We stay up for as long as our bodies can take it, we play games under the moonlit sky, we chat, we eat snacks, we drink tea, we try to make this moment last for as long as we physically can without the risk of falling asleep while driving home. We try not to sleep until we really need to. All of us know, deep in our hearts, that if we fall asleep and when we wake up, its just going to be another day in another year.

But we have to go. We have to go sleep and face the next day. As we pack up our stuff, it was already near 4am. A little club nearby was still blasting music and people are still dancing, refusing the fact that its time to go back to living our lives. "I've got a feeling, that tonight's gonna be a good night... that tonight..."

The cheer was wearing off all of us. The drive home was quiet. We were all too tired to make any interesting conversations and were more interested in looking out for the traffic and getting home safely instead. We had to blast the music from the radio just to keep ourselves awake for the long drive from the east end to the west.

I put myself to sleep when I reached home, not sure if the next day will ever come with everyone wishing that it won't.

When I woke up to the daylight shining into my room, I stumbled into my bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.

"Here we go again... ah, happy 2010"

And its that time of the year, again

Every year has to come to an end regardless of how wonderful or how bad it was.

A quick revisit to my time capsules revealed that I have not made any new year resolutions for this year, so there isn't any need for me to weigh myself against a set list of resolution just to know if the year has been a good year or not. Fulfilling resolutions does not mean its a good year. A good year really means that its been good. Er...

Its been a good year for me. A really really good year. It has also been a year of changes for me. Changes are always exciting, they bring novelty into our lives and we are always excited by novelty. For me, my life took quite a number of turns in the year, with me leaving the military service, entering the university and multiple changes to my perspectives.

My stint in the military for the 1st half of the year was really good. Not only did I draw a sweet salary (of which I am still enjoying the fruits), I also gained an experience that could not be found anywhere else. Many great friendships were also formed during this period of time. I ORDed on a really nice note, with me feeling that I have gained everything I can from the service before embarking on the next phase of my life.

2nd half of the year started with what I call, "The Break". Its practically a 3 month break to refresh my mind before I go back to school again. I went to the church camp (which was absolutely refreshing) and also plugged myself in to help my region with the Chinese event. More importantly, I used this period of time to retune myself for university and to prepare to study again.

My 21st birthday also fell nicely in "The Break", allowing me time to plan and come up with a birthday party. The money left from the service was what allowed me to pull off what I feel is a costly event, which I felt was really important as that really meant that I need not burden my parents for something like that.

Then in comes university life. It started off pretty well. The period of retuning worked out just fine and I found myself fitting in just nice. Everything went at a pretty nice pace and I had the luxury to still feel my way around the areas that I was not familiar with. However, when the assignments started to pour in and the exams drew near, I began to feel the heat. I began to realise that 2 years without any academic activity really threw my brain into a freeze. I was having a cold start. Skills revolving essay writing completely escaped me and I found it really difficult to start writing anything academic at all.

My friends, whom I am absolutely grateful for, came in at just the right time to lend me a hand. Shu Ting, my counter-part from NUS in English Literature, re-taught me a few skillsets that I found was really essential for both writing and studying. Ying Hui provided me an idea for my politics term paper when I couldn't decide on what to write on. Lian Ah Lian was really kind and generous to invite me for study sessions at SMU when the exams drew near, sessions that I found was really good and focused. And of course, all my friends in NTU, Izzat, Hazwan, Michelle, Nadiah, Izzy, Adel, Hansen, they never fail to put the peer pressure on me to study, and sometimes to not study.

When the exams came, I was really apprehensive. The truth is, I totally didn't know what to expect. I haven't taken a single examination (other than military ones) in nearly 3 years and I have forgotten how it felt like. Besides, taking an examination in university is probably another matter entirely. But still, with God's strength and peer pressure to study really hard, I managed to pull it off.

The year ended on a sweet note. I got back my results just a day before the year closes. A GPA of 4.25 to kickstart the next semester really puts some of the motivation and drive back into me again. Although not a very fantastic result per se, its still encouraging that I managed to stretch past the 4.0 mark despite of the difficulties I faced. 4.0 was one of the targets I set for myself when the term started and I am really happy to have been able to achieve it! Now I have to see if I qualify for double major.

As I look back on the year, I must say God really placed these different things in my life perfectly. The timing of my military contract was impeccable, providing me a break before university that was just enough to refresh my mind. University was a plan that I never thought about. This one goes back to a really long time. 5 years ago.

It was 2004 and I just finished my 'O' Levels. I really didn't intend on going to JC, so I put Mass Comm at Ngee Ann as my first choice of institues to go to. A combination of the course's popularity and God's amazing humour, I found myself going to PJC instead. I stuck through JC and I began to see how this was God's chosen path for me all along. Well, cut the story short, here I am. I don't think I would have been in university had I went to polytechnic instead, but I will never know.

As I prepare myself to usher in 2010 (2010 seems so cool, you just have to say twenty-ten), I wonder if it is still needed to come up with a list resolutions. Resolutions are good, but you don't need them to have a good year. I'll just take what comes my way in my stride and make it a good year for myself. If there is any resolution that I want to make for next year, I want it to be a happy and a good year.

:D

Sudder Street, Calcutta

The blackout arrives punctually, bringing to life
the meagre light of so many brief candles.
This is the shrine of suffering's patron saint,
where man's body falls asunder, beseiged walls
crumbling, helpless, as death tunnels underground
with tonnes of dynamite, to blow the body heavenward.

On Sudder Street the same procession of beggars
in inexhaustible variations of deformity and need,
peddlers offering passages to temporary nirvana,
the brown sugar girl and her magic mushrooms.
A human rickshaw canters by, yoked
to the ledger of debts from previous lives.
He is dragging alone, his feet pain-proof,
the sum of things unexplained.
Deserted angels lie sprawled on Sudder Street,
beauty broken in God's terrible neglect.

The hands of this poem are useless stumps.
They cannot even begin to turn the page.
I come from a race that has no word for despair.
My culture is purged of poverty's germs, its language
a propaganda of faith in absolute health.
I even doubt my ABC.

Perhaps I am looking in the wrong archives
for my history, checking the wrong catalogues,
tracing irrelevant titles. Perhaps I should stop
subscribing to foreign publications which inform me
of happenings on the other planets.

On Sudder Street my mind is numb.
My legs are thinking hard. They hold long dialogues
with cul-de-sacs and turn to frail candles
for illumination. I had better decide soon
whether it is health or sickness that I want.

But tonight let me take my place
among the forlorn angels of Sudder Street.

- Boey Kim Cheng

How terrorism has gripped all of us.

As I took a glimpse at today's paper in the morning, I noticed the headlines that read "A Decade of Terrorism".

The first thing that came into my mind was "Man, has it been a decade already?"

Well, it hasn't been a decade yet, but we are close. Its been so long that I've already, like many other people in this world, taken terrorism as a matter of fact in life. In fact, I personally have been so numbed to terrorism that my reaction to the recent news about how Abdul Farouk Abdulmutallab attempted to blow up a US airliner was just simply "oh, another one."

I still remember the night of September 11 2001. I still remember watching the two towers go up in smoke and wondering what had happened. I did not know what the term "terrorists" meant at the mere age of 13, at secondary one. The only kind of terrorists that I knew was the kind that counter-terrorists kill in Counter-Strike.

In the blink of an eye, its already been nearly a decade. The world as we know it is still in a bitter war against terrorism. The war initiated by George W.Bush is still going on in the Middle-East and it does not look like its coming any closer to an end. I, while serving in the army, played roles in combating terrorism as well.

But will the world ever return to the peace that the pre-9/11 era experienced. I know that terrorism existed pre-9/11, but its only after 9/11 that terror really struck the hearts of every single person in this world. That the war against terror was played up, that media put so much focus on terrorism.

Was there no other way to deal with this other than to FIGHT terrorism? When 9/11 happened, Bush presented the world with just 2 grim options: we either fight, or the terrorists will destroy us. And the world, gripped in fear and terror, just simply took it for granted that there were just these 2 options and supported a war that has not yield any results even today, a war that has caused only suffering and pain to innocent people in the affected countries. Terrorism has not dropped any one bit, in fact, more revenge killings occur, more revenge bombings happen with the war in Middle-East as a primary reason. The world only gets more and more chaotic. Things just keep getting messier. It just can't be helped but to wonder if we had actually went the wrong direction in this issue.

Does anyone still bear hope that terrorism will one day be a thing that we won't have to be worried about, that we will not have to be on our toes every single day of our lives, like during the pre-9/11 era?

Even Singapore, with no incidents (or rather no revealed incidents), is kept on its toes every single day. Messages and reminders for us to "Do not leave your belongings unattended, if you see any suspicious article, please inform our staff" become such a commonplace that we treat it as just another message that comes after "Door closing." Such messages did not even exist in the pre-9/11 era and you can already start to imagine how we have accepted terrorism as an inevitable part of life.

One incident of an escaped convict with a limp on his leg got the entire nation in a frenzy. You may say we just do our best to be cautious, but really, the world has been gripped by a kind of terror ever since the two majestic towers fall into a rubble, leaving only dust in its place.

I cannot help but think. How long will this era of terrorism last? Will it ever end? Will my children be able to live in an age whereby there can truly be no wars on Earth, whereby terror does not plague the heart of every single person in the world? Or will the wars ultimately be the downfall of the entire planet, just as so many others have predicted it to be?

I want to optimistic. I want to believe that everything will turn out for the better. I want to believe.

Welcome back from Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

- Emily Perl Kingsley, 1987, "Welcome to Holland"

So you come back from Holland amidst envy for everyone who returns from Italy and talking about Italy. Like, what the heck, Holland wasn't too bad once you removed the lenses of pessimism. But still, its one thing to be optimistic and another thing to engage in self-consolation but still believe deep in your heart that Italy was the place for you to go.

We go to different places for a reason. And once you realised this, you will begin to see how significant it was that Holland was the road less travelled, and that you were one of those who travelled this road.

As you sit at home looking at how the rest brag about their journeys in Italy, you will be able notice something others do not. You will be able to notice the ones who didn't go to Italy, you will be able to notice the ones who did not fit in.

While others are engrossed in their conversations about how beautiful Italy was, you go to the sides of the ones who were left out, and tell them about how beautiful Holland was.

You will help open their eyes to the beauty of their own travels, you will be the one who help remove the lenses of pessimism on their eyes.

You realise that it was of no coincidence that the flight plan was changed. It was for a purpose. Everything is planned. Everything is in control. You landed in Holland and returned thus for a mission.

Not everyone will be able to go to Italy. Many others get their flight plans changed as well. These are the people who need someone by their side. Not the ones from Italy. And you, from Holland, with your experiences, you are the one.

The prologue

Something is happening. On his part, at least.

Everytime their eyes meet, lock, connect, there is this feeling. This feeling that he cannot put any words on. Is it a...

"Connection?" No, it was probably more than that.

"Is it lo-" Oh! He daren't even utter such a sacred word!

What is it then? What is it?

He searches deeper.

There are no words.

There is no need for words.

It is that special.

Today is J's birthday

Today is J's birthday. Well, its not exactly his birthday if you want to be strict about it, its just the day he came down to join us. But still, we celebrate because we love J because of what he did for us when he came down to where we live.

So on this day, as with any other day, I was talking to G. Since it was J's birthday, I decided it would be cool to maybe ponder more about the relationship we share with other.

If you were wondering how, I talk to both G and J at the same time coz they are father and son and they live with this other guy called H. H helps with connecting me to G and J as they live in a place that's rather hard to reach. Its like... they share the same phone, ya?

When we talk, I'll tell G about whats going on in my life, thank him for some things, stuff like that, you know, just catching up. Once in awhile I'll come with a request, or a question I can't answer on my own. Sometimes he answers, sometimes he doesn't. G's like that. Some people say he always answers but you just have to listen hard coz he's a little soft-spoken. They believe that. They tell me to believe that. I tell myself to believe that.

And even when he does answer, its usually through some sort of symbolism, like a passage in the book or an event or a dream. So its really up to interpretation. That's how he works, just got to get used to it. Some say he speaks directly to them, like a voice in the head or the sound of the wind. Again, its hard to know if it was your own thoughts or interpretation. Others tell me I have to believe it is him. I tell others to believe. I tell myself to believe.

Sometimes, he sends someone else to speak in his stead, but again you can never be sure. G is that, elusive? I wonder if elusive is the right word to use.

Despite the fact that I never got to see G and J, I still believe that he is there. Not just there somewhere, but right here. There are times when I am down and I can really FEEL him. There are times when a whole bunch of us talk to him at the same time and we can all FEEL him. Its never a "sight" kind of thing. I tell myself to believe.

So that's G for you. J is his son whom he sent to join us a long long time ago so we can all be saved from something really really horrible. So the plan was this: J would be born as a human, like us, so he can live like us and show he's gone through the same thing so we can really identify with him. And then he also have to die in a way so that he can help save us from something worse than death. Its really a pretty complicated and intricate plan that G thought of.

But he had to show that J is G's son so he won't be treated like any other person. (his mission required abit of attention) So he was born out of a virgin woman and had 3 wise men come visit him after G sent some messengers with the news. But in order not to make it too extravagant, J had to be born in a manger.

And the day that J was sent here, that's today, 25th December. No one can be too sure about the date because no one was there to note it down on a PDA, but it doesn't really matter. Everyone just had to agree on the date and it was good enough.

After J was born, he lived a life like any other person and when he reached 30, set off on the mission he was intended for and finished it. And then he returned to G and all of us are saved from the disaster. The rest is history, well, literally.

Trivia

Here's a fun fact that I didn't know myself, and I found it really interesting!

There's actually an order that we have to place our adjectives if we use more than one adjective before a noun. And the order goes like this:

1. Opinion
2. Size
3. Age
4. Shape
5. Colour
6. Origin
7. Material
8. Purpose

I'm sure most of you didn't know that, eh?

So if I want to describe a baby, I'll have to say, "thats a cute little 2 year old baby!" rather than "thats a 2 year old little cute baby!" The latter does sound a little odd, doesn't it? :D

An Unsent Letter. The Unsung Song.

How much do you know me, really?

You may think you know me. But its probably only one side of me. If you think you know me just because you read my blog, its probably worse.

Who am I, really?

I am multi-faceted. I take on multiple roles. I am not just me.

I am me at school. I am me at church. I am me with friends. I am me with family.

I am green. I am red. I am blue. I am yellow. I am white. I am black. I am every colour you can find.

I am the student. I am the soldier. I am the christian. I am the sportsman. I am the gamer. I am the bookworm. I am the writer. I am everybody.

I am not the student. I am not the soldier. I am not the christian. I am not the sportsman. I am not the gamer. I am not the bookworm. I am not the writer. I am nobody.

I am happy. I am sad. I am frustrated. I am excited. I am all emotions.

I have faith. I have no faith.

I am the follower. I am the rebel.

I love. I hate.

I am the jack of all trades. I am the master of none. I know everything. I know nothing.

I like to sit on the fence. I like to take sides.

Yes, call me a hypocrite, actor, confused, whatever, but who's not? Who's not in this tragicomedy?

I am human.

So, who are you, really? I want to know.

Christmas Bells

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Till, ringing, singing on its way
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime,
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The Carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And in despair I bowed my head;
‘There is no peace on earth,’ I said;
‘For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!’

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
‘God is not dead; nor doth he sleep!
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men!’

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 1864

Its never peace on Earth, its never a perfect and wonderful story in the world around us. Death, diseases, wars, crimes, disasters and corruption plague our world. We can't just turn a blind eye and pretend.

But we have to believe. We have to believe that there will be peace on Earth. We have to believe that it will be a wonderful world. We have to be the light against a backdrop of darkness.

Thats what being Christian is about. The bells will keep ringing. We will keep believing. God will keep working.

FFX-2 Loves

One thing I love about FFX-2 is the fact that everything can be turned into joke, and certainly tickle all the funny bones in me.

I just finished chapter 4 (yes I am rushing through, eager to see how this ends) and I just witnessed probably the funniest of scenes.

Here was Brother (Yuna's secret admirer through the game) pouring his grievances to the Barkeep, a hypello (a rather dull race which everyone looks the same and shpeaks with weird accent) about how he can't seem to get Yuna's heart and blah blah... and then he says they are both born bachelors.

At this point, Barkeep tellsh him to shpeak for himshelf, and appearsh another hypello and they both embrace and kissh!

Hypellosh embracing and kisshing one another! I totally didn't see that coming. :D

Okay, maybe its just me.

The Gray

I've been feeling like a rebel these days, constantly thinking about stuff that would put prompt the pastors to invite me for coffee after church. And I can't explain these feelings. Is it because I am too free, too idle, too much time to let my thoughts wander when I stare at the white and blue above me? I do not know. But I'm certainly not becoming the christian that a christian should be. Maybe I was never meant to be. I remember I was so excited to join a ministry, waiting for THE calling, but got none. I gave up eventually. Maybe He knew better. Maybe He knew it was going to come down to this. Could this be the start of my backslide? Worse, could this be the start of my christian rebellion?

Before I carry on any further, here's a little DISCLAIMER. What is going to unfold in this post can be VERY STUMBLING depending on how you choose to intepret it. If you think you can't handle the heat, CLOSE THE PAGE NOW.

Black 'n' White Christmas is happening in a week's time, and I've been thinking about black and white, and gray.

I always have a fascination for hero-villains, because they really represent the reality of our being. No one is really pure good nor pure evil (reason why I get turned off by Superman and not Batman), and if you expound on this in greater depth, good and evil are merely perceptions based on concepts developed by the people within and without. Everybody really is gray, if you want to put a colour to them.

Only recently, I was introduced to the greatest hero-villain of all, the devil Satan himself in Paradise Lost by John Milton. In the first Canto, Satan was banished from Heaven because of his sins, everyone knows this. But the Canto's protagonist, the hero is Satan, rather than God. And in this Canto, Satan and his minions tries to reason, and tries to rebuild their lives while in Hell. The story itself has its own significance, but what really strikes me is the fact Satan is the hero, or rather, hero-villain as later Cantos develop.

Paradise Lost was commented on by a couple of writers. William Blake claimed that John Milton was sympathetic towards Satan and thus making a Satan sympathiser. But really, is everything that black and white as the Bible tries to tell us? That there are only 2 sides. That God is good, Satan is evil, God is here to save you from Satan, Satan is here to harm you, period.

Sometimes I wonder, is Satan really all that evil? Could what he is doing merely be a reaction towards what God has done to him? Could Satan simply be the one that just "had to take the blame"?

I do not know what really happened on the cosmic level. I do not have the capacity to know. And I do not want to comment or even attempt to comment on such things before people start calling me blasphemous and start hurling rocks at me (or their own computer screens when reading this). But I know what is going on at our mortal level. I know that if someone has been doing bad stuff, it is Satan who caused him to do it, and if someone is doing good stuff, God must have been guiding him. You can choose to believe that, but I just feel that things are actually really gray.

Welcome back to the world of "perception". You see, what we know as "good" and "evil" is really dependent on how we perceive good and evil. For example, if I've been brought up in an environment whereby people believe that stealing is a good thing, I might just believe that stealing is a good thing, and not a bad thing as how the society might see it. Its a silly example, but its straightforward. Even in real life, it is easy to see how perceptions work to cause different beliefs in people. Ever wondered why no one in North Korea is revolting against communism despite of how almost the entire world is pointing fingers at its policies? In the film "The Village", different rules define whats good and whats sin and these rules differ from our society. Novel by Sheri Reynolds, The Rapture of Canaan, preaches the exact same thing when the simple cutting of hair or wearing of pants was considered sin and yet they naively encourages boys and girls to pray together privately, leading up to erhem... you know. (and for your information, this novel opened my eyes to how screwed up religion could become)

That said, its probably impossible to start and define what is wrong and what is right, what is black and what is white. Thats simply because these things can never come under any definition. These things are subjective. Are you going to use laws to define them? But gay marriage could be illegal one day and legal the next! Nothing is set, and we shouldn't begin to start the finger pointing when someone "sins". Do we know why they did it? Do we know how they were brought up? Do we know if it was REALLY their fault? Do we know if they knew it was wrong to do it?

When you really want to think about it, have you ever wondered why everything in the Bible is written from God's, from prophets' and from apostles' points of view? How has it affected our own perception? Of course I am not asking you to abandon the Bible and your faith, but its just really a point for one to ponder. When you think it through, it could very well strengthen your faith and provides you a deeper understanding of your own faith in God!

But of course, I am not an advocate of the devil now nor am I condoning crimes and sins, lies and murders, theft and what not you've got on your "do not try" list. These things are bad, yes, they harm others. But as the Jesus famously puts it, take the plank from your own eye before you remove the speck from other's. Do you not lie, murder (Jesus says you've done it in your head) or steal from people? But OF COURSE you have a reason, you've got an explanation, you've got a bid for forgiveness, you've got your perception to consider. How about the one you are pointing your finger at, then? Aren't we all as gray as we can be?

What's wrong?

If you thought that the hot-spring scene in FFX-2 was pretty "wrong", think again.

I didn't expect it, but the massage scene definitely wins the "most wrong scene in FFX-2" award.

Imagine the horror when my TV went "ooooh...", "aahhhh....", "yesss... yess...", "you're so goood..." (all in this lusty voice)

This prompted my mom to come into my room and ask, "what are you doing?"

The scene of scantily dressed lady lying on a couch with someone on top of her totally didn't help.

Lets talk about... religion

Oooh, religion, the sensitive taboo topic avoided by most people and one that is regulated by OB markers set by the government on media. But I hope I won't be transgressing any of these rules as I give my take on religion. Religion, not just Christianity.

What is "The Truth"? Is there even something such as "The Truth"? Is it just a matter of perception? Why do we believe? I will be treading on thin ice here.

Lets talk about Christianity first. As most would know, I have been a christian for as long as I can remember. I did slack off from church for a couple of years but I was still christian and still attends cell. However, I'm not exactly the type that really buys everything the church says. I have my set of beliefs and way to serve and know God and sometimes they don't exactly coincide with what the church tries to promote.

One of these is ministry. What exactly is ministry? To me, I simply believe that its service to God. However, the church does seem to give a slighty different definition to that. The church probably defines ministry as "recognizable" service to God. That is to say, your service must be one that can be seen, can be recognized, can be acknowledged or it will not be considered as ministry. And these will include, ushers, traffic marshallers, leaders, musicians etc etc.

It may seem to be very inclusive, being such an extensive group and all, but it really is not. How about the faithful members? Those who simply serve God in their own little ways? Helping out at events, encouraging fellow christians, and most importantly, living a life that reflects Christ? Must you be a leader to serve God? Must you be a musician to serve God? I sometimes do find this policy a little flawed.

As you might have guessed, I am not in a ministry and this means that sometimes I will be left out from certain events in the church. It used to be the Tuesday prayer meeting, as if only people in ministries are allowed to pray, but they changed that. And now its the Konquerors conference, which they say its "exclusively inclusive of all who are in any form of local ministry" and I'm sure they don't mean the "unseen" ministry of faithful members. And they think its funny and witty to use "exclusively inclusive". Since when is the church meant to be exclusive?

You may ask me, "why are you still serving in church then?" Well, thats because I'm not exactly affected by these politics. I serve God the way I do and I enjoy it. I enjoy helping out where I can, I enjoy meeting new people and helping them when they need help, I enjoy worshipping God together with others.

Then why do I write about it? Its not exactly to complain, but rather, to show that not everything is set in stone, perfect, the one TRUTH that is to be beheld. That the church has its own little flaws as well, fallible and open to criticisms. Although God is perfect, I have to admit that Christianity sometimes isn't.

So, if Christianity is flawed and fallible? What then is THE TRUTH that everybody is seeking? I shall introduce here what is termed as "perception".

Perception is the way you see things. It is affected by yourself, your experiences, your knowledge, the people around you and your surroundings. Simply put, its your point of view. So if you are raised a muslim, you will believe very firmly that Islam provides THE TRUTH. If you are buddhist, you will believe that Buddhism is THE TRUTH. If you are hindu, you will believe HINDUISM contains THE TRUTH. And christians will of course believe that Christianity is THE TRUTH.

I am sometimes really thankful for the fact that I am living in Singapore, a place where I can witness first-hand the fervency and faithfulness of other religious people that might even throw my own into question. If I was in a christian dominant country such as the United States, it is of course easy to say that Christianity is the ONLY truth and get away with it. But in Singapore, you really need to put alot more thought into that.

If you look at it this way, there probably isn't any TRUTH going around. A will say B is not the truth, B will say C is not the truth, C will say A is not the truth. Its like a scissors-paper-stone game, endless and inconclusive.

If thats the case, if religions simply do not provide the truth but merely perceptions, should we all become atheists and believe that there is no such thing as the truth? I do not think so. Simply because I still believe that THE TRUTH exists.

What then is, THE TRUTH? It is something that we can never grasp but something that we can only BELIEVE in. Simply put, THE TRUTH is really that which we believe in. The truth is where our beliefs are.

How then do you reconcile the different truths going around because of different beliefs and religions? There is no reconciling. One belief is no more truer than the other. How true your belief is really depends on how much you believe in. Religion is not the truth, religion guides you to it.

That said, how do you evangelise? I believe that you do not evangelise with truth. That is to say, you do not go around and try to convince and reason and argue your truth to others. You live it out, you let your beliefs show in your life and lead others to believe with you and then they can find the truth for themselves.

I cannot begin to explain the logic behind the truth or even try to prove the existence of this truth. It is beyond me. Fallible, yes, because I am merely a human trying to understand a concept greater than I. What is fallible is not the truth, is not God, but is the one that tries to explain it.

But I can only offer this, that the truth is simply what you believe.

Here's an Ichigo moment

Just finished 248 and Ichigo has done it again. Here's an Ichigo moment for you.



"It attacked me!"

Like, DUH? What were you expecting?

GIRL POWER!

Well, I got started on FFX-2, should I say 'finally'?

I made a real stupid mistake that caused me 5 hours of my life though. After 5 hours into the game and clearing Chapter 1, I recalled that I need 100% completion of sidequests and main story and mini-drama and what not in order to get Tidus to come back to Spira. (yes, I still want him back)

So well, I decided to go online to check out if I was on track still, and alas, I was not. I completely missed out ALL the side quests on Chapter 1 and apparently, once you missed it, you missed it. The game is that merciless and does not let me do Chapter 1 sidequests on Chapter 2.

In the spirit of wanting to get that Tidus idiot back and letting my characters have an easier time by levelling them up early in the game (my original attempt was rather difficult with them dying quickly) and to have a more fulfilling gaming experience, I decided to... yes, replay the game.

The game feels alot like a combination of Final Fantasy Tactics (with the Job system) + Sailormoon (with girl power and costume changing sequence) + Final Fantasy X (well, obviously).

And I see Shinra. I think this is the first time I see Shinra other than from FFVII. And he's this smart kid that is really good with machinery. Maybe he founded Shinra Electric.

Well, I guess its time for the girls to run the show now then. "We are Y.R.P!"

Really, so much have changed. Zarnakand, the people, their attitudes, Spira itself. And I have control of an airship right at the start. I don't know what to say.

Its 1/8 done.

Yeah to me.

My exams are finally over. I feel... light.

Its my 1st time taking exams in university and I must say, its been rather difficult. I do not know if its because its been too long since I last had any academic exams, or if its just because university exams are just different from 'A' levels and 'O' levels. I just didn't know how to go about preparing for them.

In the end, after asking a few friends and looking at the scope of the exams, I did find out and defined my own method of studying. I must admit though, it wasn't easy.

For the papers itself, I have to say that its definitely manageable. But I cannot grasp even the slightest hint of how well I am going to do, because all the questions are so general and subjective, with lit being lit. So don't ask me. I am not thinking about it anyway.

Okay, enough about that. But I must mention that I went for sushi buffet today to celebrate. :D

I was reading my archives, those first few posts in my blog (yes my own archives, call me narcissist) and I really enjoyed them. Haha. *ALERT - Self-praise happening* I felt that my writing style was really cute, despite of some funny grammar and lack of paragraphing. More importantly, I really liked my own content. Its so different from what I am writing now. Something's changed in me over the past 5 years and its all recorded on this blog. Isn't that amazing? Oh my. I shall entertain myself with what I wrote for the next few days.

On a side note, I feel extremely proud that I mentioned Sigmund Freud in my paper today even though I didn't study him! That would give the examiner the illusion that I have such overflowing knowledge that I can use something that is not covered. But the fact remains that I studied him in JC. :P

And... oh yeah! Its 1/8 of my university done! That's one-eighth. Is that how you write it in english? I think so.

I am currently considering if I should switch anime or follow another manga/anime because Bleach is getting really stupid. Am considering Naruto but, geez, I am soooooooooooooooooooooo faaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrr behind if I just start now. Maybe I should just go read its manga. Heard that Naruto's anime is 2/3 fillers. -_-"

Anyway, Bleach 247 just showed that Ichigo's power ranges from Getsuga Tenshou to Ultimate Getsuga Tenshou.

"He's been waiting for..." "Ichigo-kun's ultimate attack..." "GETSUGA TENSHOU!"

*bangs head on wall*

Am going to return the FFXII but then... what am I going to play?!?! Maybe FFX-2, or Kingdom Hearts, or FFVII (if I can find a PS1 Memory Card or get my PS1 back), or FFIX. Or maybe, just maybe, I might buy myself a PS3 for Christmas and then play... hur hur. :P

Pre-recorded

I discovered today that only NTU has the practice of pre-recording the examination instructions such as "You may start writing", or "Please stop writing, or "You may leave the hall now". Both SMU and NUS still use the live human voice.

Don't know why examiners can get so lazy. Even such things also want to pre-record. So you end up hearing the same guy, saying the same thing, at the same tone, with the same pitch, at the same speed. Makes everything so... sian, not that exams are not sian enough.

I was thinking of using the word 'boring', but there's something in the word 'sian' that 'boring' doesn't have. This sian-ness.

And then the examiners can still mess it up by playing the wrong voice recording. There was one exam when he played "You may leave the hall now" before the exam even began. Then he hurriedly rushed to the mic and say "Sorry sorry! You may not leave the hall yet!"

Haha, we laughed. I'm not sure if we laughed at the recording or we laughed at him.

Oh Bleach... Oh Ichigo...

I am getting a little sick of the disillusions that Bleach offers, especially through Ichigo.

No, you don't solve ALL your problems with Bankai. Real life doesn't work this way for goodness sake.

Oh, I got trapped. Bankai. Oh, I got chained up by some Kidou or weapon. Bankai. Oh, I got covered in sakura blade petals. Bankai. Oh, the enemy appeared (I'm not even saying they got into resurrection mode). Bankai. Oh, there's too many hollows. Bankai.

C'mon, Bankai is not the "solve-it-all" button, Ichigo. Get a little more creative than that, please. Your "Bankai + Getsuga Tenshou" move is getting too over-used already. I'm surprised that the enemies still fall for that kind of crap.

And whats with running around Hueco Mundo in a permanent Bankai mode? What are you trying to prove? And then you still get trashed.

I still remember the first time you opened your Bankai, Ichigo. I really loved it. It was AWESOME. But now... your Bankai is becoming like a Shikai, you know?

Its finally over... for now

Imagine the horror in my heart when I woke up this morning with the sun shining into my face. My paper was at 9am. I quickly fumbled around my pillows for my phone/alarm clock, praying real hard that I've not missed the divine hour.

"8.10AM"

Woh, I really thank God from my bed and jumped to my feet and quickly got ready for school. Somehow, I believe, I must have missed the ringing of the alarm or unconciously turned it off. Studying till 4am the night before knowing that you need to wake up at 6.30am is definitely not a very good idea.

Regardless, I got out of my house, went onto the main road and, lo and behold there's a cab coming right at me. God is really wonderful.

And its good that NTU is only 10 minutes away on the expressway, instead of the 1 hour journey on public transport. :D

Well, I am glad the 4 days exams marathon is finally over, leaving only 1 stray paper to finish next week.

I don't think I did really well though. Politics was pretty alright as chapters were spotted correctly, had to smoke through a question in communications, both literature papers feel a little risky, I think I bombed some questions.

Besides, I got back most of my term papers and ALL of them stared at me with a B+. A variation of problems such as form, presentation, source engagement and in-depth analysis plague all of them and I can only wonder where to start on correcting them.

Kind of a sucky feeling. I started off with such high hopes and I REALLY REALLY aimed and REALLY tried for that GPA of 4.0 and higher just so I can qualify for double majors. And now all these realities just seem to be setting down on me. Just what is wrong?

But then again, realities and its disappointments shouldn't stop us from setting our aims high. Man would never have landed on the moon if they believed that gravity was simply impossible to beat.

To end, I discovered today that the phrase "Please stop writing" has very weird effects on me. Its this feeling of happiness (that the paper is over and you can rest your hand) and this feeling of dread (that you might have missed something out or bombed a question).

Relive

Today I received a mailer from the green men. And it reads:

Are you still searching for a higher purpose? Do you miss being in a position where you can nurture and influence the lives of men under your charge? Do you want to leave the humdrum of society and be able to make a difference again?

Many of us truly appreciate the promise and romance of the Army only when it has become treasured memories. An Army career begets excitement and real challenges. It embodies pure leadership and management. Yet, it also provides opportunities - for further education, varying roles and appointments - to try on activities that you can only dream of doing, and more.

Relive your memorable experiences. Add on to it. Your gateway to a fulfilling and meaningful career has been opened to you once again.

I think some of them green people has been reading my blog.

But, no thanks.

And what romance is there in the Army... (sounds superbly, completely, badly, totally wrong)

And... 2 more papers.

Go. Go.

Star Gazing

Things you see when you go star-gazing at 5am:

1. Lots of aunties and uncles doing their jog/walk.

2. People going for work. (reminds me of army days)

3. Weird guy doing a "jog-on-the-spot" on a patch of grass.

4. Kay-Poh guy wondering why I was staring up the sky and stares with me as well.

5. 3 shooting stars

Didn't really get to see much of a shower, but 3 is pretty good considering the fact that I was at the park connector below my block. I'm a happy man. :D

I wasted all my 3 wishes though. Because all of them went "I wish I can see another shooting star."

Came back home to find a shocked dad who went to wake mum up and say that I just got back at 6.30am.

Mum's reaction: "HUH??"

Singapore Inter-University Mugging Conference starts on good note

SINGAPORE: Its time to get into some serious mugging at the Singapore Inter-University Mugging Conference as the event kicks off today, lasting till the end of the week.

The Singapore Inter-University Mugging Conference started today on a good note, with issues such as economics, communications, and Chess and Hearts strategies being discussed.

The event, hosted by Singapore Management University, seeks to discuss various topics and issues by bringing together representatives of the three main universities in Singapore - Singapore Management University (SMU), National University of Singapore (NUS), and Nanyang Technological University (NTU).

In order to prepare for this high profile event, Group Study Rooms and benches were booked to allow the delegates some space and privacy to engage in the discussions. Security guards were also reminded to keep the delegates safe by patrolling the area and checking on the meeting venues after 10pm.

As a start to the conference, the delegates were treated to a spicy BBQ stingray dinner, a delicacy enjoyed by many people all over Singapore.

After the scrumptious dinner, the conference began with a discussion on the latest economic formulaes by the host delegates from SMU. The delegate from NTU then introduced certain Communication theories that could be relevant to the current social dynamics. This was followed by NUS's delegate's keynote address on the Korean gaming industry and how it affects communication and new media today. As a wrap up to today's conference, delegate from NUS introduced the latest strategies and theories to handle the problems faced at playing Chess and Hearts.

The conference will meet again later this week to discuss more issues as a preparation for the Final Exams happening in a week's time.

- Jellydrink

When Death comes stealing again

Its heartbreaking to hear news of death. Especially when its someone you know. Especially when its your friend. Especially when you are of the same age.

What is the worth of a life, however short it might be?

It's worth cannot be measured. And I'm not talking about the Christian values on "souls" and what not. Lets just leave that aside for now. There's more to Heaven and Hell when someone dies.

When someone dies, its not just "another dead guy". Its not just "Oh, he's in Heaven", or "He's in Hell" (although no one says such things). It's about the impact he made around him, the people he loved and loved him, the things he did and the things he could do.

Yes, he is not famous. He has not invented anything that is of great contribution to mankind. He is not your usual "great men".

But he's somebody's son. He's somebody's boyfriend. He's somebody's friend. He's somebody's buddy. He's somebody's somebody.

He shared happy times with us. He shared hard times with us. He shared jokes. He brought us laughter. He was as alive as anyone else could be.

And the most heartbreaking thing is the fact there's still so much left for him to do, but he's no longer here to do them.

Rest in peace, my friend. Its been great having you around.

I watched a movie today.

From Dead Poets Society, 1989 film written by Tom Schulman

"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer: That you are here; that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?" - John Keating

"I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life... to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." - Neil Perry. Original quote from Henry David Thoreau's Walden

"Sometimes the most beautiful poetry can be about simple things, like a cat or a flower or rain. Poetry can come from anything with the stuff of revelation in it. Just don't let your poems be ordinary." - John Keating

On bad handwriting, fan ti, jian ti, MSN and racial harmony

I don't remember when was the last time I wrote any chinese character. And now I am writing them on MSN, trying to help a malay friend with his chinese assignment. Yeah to bad handwriting, forgetting some words, remembering some, malay guy writing the complicated style (fan ti) and me writing the simple style (jian ti) and racial harmony.

I don't want to number my posts anymore.

As usual, when I finish one essay, I like to blog.

So, yes I finally completed my politics term paper. I can't say its a very fantastic paper but I guess I am quite satisfied with it. In fact, I do not know if the essay came to a conclusion on its own or if I forced it to conclude because it is due in... 8 hours time.

Politics is pretty difficult to write, especially when you are trying to write about ONE aspect of it. As you write on one aspect, another one comes into mind and it just links and links and links and the whole essay becomes crazily clustered and clumsy. Besides that, you are never sure if you hit the nail right where it should be and you tell yourself, "maybe I need to write about this, and that, and this, and..." and by the time you write all that, you've probably strayed off your main thesis. I needed to reorganise my essay after I wrote it because it was in such a complete mess. But still nonetheless, I really thank God I finished it.

An "uncle" incident happened again yesterday.

I got into the lift to go to school and there was this mother/grandma/guardian with a little toddler.

"UNCLE!"

I was taken aback, but managed a smile anyway.

*in chinese* "He's not uncle lah, is KOR KOR. Is KOR KOR, okay?" *laughs politely*

*I managed to produce a smile*

At least the mother/grandma/guardian engaged in some sort of damage control.

And yeah, my laptop is running Windows 7! :D :D No big deal actually. It looks very much like Vista and isn't anymore convenient or user-friendly. Things do run a little faster now, but my battery life bleeds like free.

Okay, I want to sleep already.

Oh ya, I feel good about the comms studies test this morning. :D Staying up till 4am to study turns out to be pretty good decision!

Post no. 281

I know I should be doing my papers, but I DON'T WANT TO DO THEM!! Give me a break, I want to blog once in awhile as well.

I was listening to my dad singing on karaoke and was wondering what those lyrics in hokkien mean. Surely they must mean something because it just so happens to be the no.1 song for all uncles to sing (ask your dad if you don't believe me). So, I took the trouble to go online, found the lyrics in chinese (I can still read chinese! A little) and translated it into english so I can understand.

Here's what I produced :D Well, song first.



Song: I ASK SKY

Wind very angry, Rain also very angry
Angry that I got no courage~~
Love also gone, ?????
Think you think you don't know got what meaning
The four worlds listen, ?? got your information
My feelings and you tie till die die!!

I ASK SKY! I ASK SKY! ??????
To love you again, is like torture myself
I ASK SKY! I ASK SKY! ??????
Feel like forgetting quickly, somehow I got drunk for ten years
The rain outside the window, can say is men's tears
Don't want to face the reality and got drunk in dreams for ten years

~DRAMATIC MUSIC~

Wind very angry, Rain also very angry
Angry that I got no courage~~
Love also gone, ?????
Think you think you don't know got what meaning
The four worlds listen, ?? got your information
My feelings and you tie till die die!!

I ASK SKY! I ASK SKY! ??????
To love you again, is like torture myself
I ASK SKY! I ASK SKY! ??????
Feel like forgetting quickly, somehow I got drunk for ten years
The rain outside the window, can say is men's tears
Don't want to face the reality and got drunk in dreams for ten years

I ASK SKY! I ASK SKY! ??????
To love you again, is like torture myself
I ASK SKY! I ASK SKY! ??????
Feel like forgetting quickly, somehow I got drunk for ten years
The rain outside the window, can say is men's tears
Don't want to face the reality and got drunk in dreams for ten years

*END*

Post No. 280

Hey er... just wanna let everybody know that I am still alive... ack, what I am saying.

Well, I just completed my essay and thought its a good time to blog a little... considering that I do not know when exactly I will be able to blog next.

I feel very encouraged and at the same time disappointed when I received the results of my first graded assignment. Its just a little writing (nothing near being an essay) for my writing class, and I got an A-. That's the encouraging part. The disappointing part is this: I missed out on the A because of.... GRAMMATICAL ERRORS! Vomit blood. How could I still make grammatical mistakes at this level... why I was using inconsistent tenses, I do not know.

Anyway, I was... I would say irritated, irked, annoyed by someone (that I do not know) while I was going home this evening. This is what happened:

I reached the station, stood at the exit and prepared to get out of the train. As the door opened, there was this woman who stood in my way (I mean, this is something I see almost all the time, considering we are in Singapore).

And guess what?

She said "EXCUSE ME", and in an irritated tone somemore.

GRRRRR! EXCUSE ME?? Well, EXCUSE ME, woman, you are the one blocking MY way. Which part of "Please allow passengers to ALIGHT BEFORE BOARDING" do you not understand? Do you not understand what those lines and arrows in yellow on the floor mean???

EXCUSE ME??

I'm afraid Singaporean's courtesy level has reached a new low...

.... I should get some sleep now.

Post No. 279

I love what I found today. You may find the full article at here.

If Prince Hamlet came back from the dead, would his indecision be meaningful? If King Lear recovered, would we learn from his folly? And if Aerith were disinterred mere hours after her death, would her sacrifice have any importance? Square should be honored that the death of a character brings about this outcry. It is touching testament to the games' power: the characters are truly loved. And grief is a natural reaction to the death of a loved one. As is denial. Now, Square fans must proceed to the next stage: acceptance.

Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sun on ripened grain. I am the soothing, gentle rain.
When you awake in morning hush, I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry. I am not there. I did not die.
- Anonymous